back in february of last year, i wrote a blog entry about a relationship with someone i will call "k".
as i mentioned in yesterday's entry, i wound up speaking with her last week. she was turning 40 so a few weeks in advance, her husband j (who incidentally shares my birthdate*) contacted me. he and i always did get along well, which is pretty perverse if you stop to think about it, but i think both of us chose just to go with it.
anyway: j's idea was really quite clever--he contacted 40 people to call k on her birthday, one for each year. it's really very sweet of him to have contacted me, as k and i haven't been in touch meaningfully since the previous milennium--whichever year you use as its final year!
i mentioned it to my wife b/c she and k had been friends in college--at least, until she and i got involved--and i wanted to make sure she didn't have any concerns. she didn't.
so thursday, i took a slightly longer than normal morning break to call k: j already provided me with her contact details and best times to call.
here's what was funny: i wasn't sure how the conversation was going to go. i mean, with k, you never knew how a conversation would go anyway, but esp after almost a decade, i had no idea.
but it was in fact a good talk--indeed, a great talk. i think we both allowed ourselves to forget that our relationship first found footing in friendship before growing into more. so we talked about what was going on in our lives now, i know where she & j live, and that they're looking to move--perversely perhaps, they're considering my wife's hometown as a possible new location!
after getting over her initial shock, k observed that it was probably a good thing we hadn't talked in the past decade or so. i think that she's right about that, in all honesty. usually i'm pretty good at keeping up with friends, seeing what's going on with them, but in k's case, i allowed that not to happen, as did she. maybe we both reached the same conclusion independently.
what i find interesting is seeing the changes in her since when i first knew her. she seems happy now, and i don't think i could have said that in the past.
i used to say that k had the superpower "carbonate hormones". she's a very sensual woman, and as my first, my stylistic tastes & preferences evolved initially as a reaction to her tastes & preferences. but i think the thing that made me happiest about that conversation was that she didn't have that effect on me during our talk. what's funny is that i mentioned that to her once and she laughed, saying the same about me--so i'm hoping that she had the same happy realization.
who knows, maybe in a new milennium, an old friendship can become a new one?
heh...if she & j do move to my wife's hometown, we might actually see them on a somewhat regular basis!
ed
*j and i share a birthdate, but so does the friend i once considered my blood brother, whom i also mentioned in the february blog entry. i once asked her what the deal was, why the attraction men born on that date. it was a good laugh. :>
silverwhisper posted on Aug 12, 2008
| views: 211
Comments
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day2day said on Aug 12, 2008....
hi ed,
That's quite a coincidence about the birthdays. It's very unusual to have a friendship with the x . But, some people can do it and not feel funny about it. My ex-husbands ex-wife and me became best friends after their divorce. It was very weird at first. We're both ex's living in Texas. (sometimes i think i can hear him singing that song at times). But, friendship is based on the future and not so much on the past. Here's hoping your wife agrees.
day
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beyondtheveil said on Aug 12, 2008....
Ed- I've never heard of contacting people to call for a birthday, but I like it and I'm sure she did too. I'd bet 'J' is part of that happiness she now has.
I have a friend who is good friends with his ex-wife and her husband, they have been for years. I've been at my friend's house many times when they dropped by to see him. Mysterious things happen.
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woman said on Aug 12, 2008....
Ed~ Wow. This must have flooded you with thoughts and feelings, but from what you say, it turned out fine. Better than fine. I think you must be a very honorable man Mr.Silverwhisper. K was lucky to know you. And 3 cheers for your wife who must be both an intelligent and secure woman. -
andora said on Aug 12, 2008....
like this story ed
I keep in touch with the men from my past because I love them
I refuse to get close to anyone who is insecure about my relationships with other men...insecurity and jealousy are a waste of time and love...especially since I am honest and sexually faithful when in a sexual relationship - i figure that if a man cannot feel safe when I shower him with love and affection then there is little I can do to help him feel safe about being loved.
sounds like you have a great wife and a couple of friends coming along to share your happiness with...that's the way life should be
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SensualGirl said on Aug 12, 2008....
I think its extremely cool that you shared this, Ed. It has significance for me. Glad it's been a good experience in your life. -
CreativeWoman said on Aug 12, 2008....
I'm glad it all turned out well for you, Ed. It is the first time I've heard of 40 people calling on a birthday, but I really do kind of like the idea. It's a great way to be remembered. I'm sure your friend relived a lot of memories that day. It was nice you reconnected with her in a good way.
CW
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the_infernal_optimist said on Aug 12, 2008....
This is a powerful post, my friend. I'm glad for you, and for her, that you were able to converse on her special day. I don't really know quite how to say what I mean, but this resonated with me.
~Infernal
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RollingC said on Aug 12, 2008....
I'm glad that it turned out good for both of you. It's not usually easy to maintain a friendship with someone after there's a breakup.I've had that happen once in my life.Rc -
Lioness said on Aug 14, 2008....
I love this story.. :D -
queenparanoia said on Aug 15, 2008....
friends with ex... i rearely see that but i'm glad it works for you!!! ;-) -
kelly said on Aug 16, 2008....
Yeah, for me the end of a relationship is pretty much like a death in the family. And I'm not into seances. :-) -
silverwhisper said on Aug 21, 2008....
day2day: well, as i said, k and i first become involved as friends first--the rest took about 2 days more from the day we met. :> that's really cool about your ex's ex, though. i think that my wife agrees in part, b/c the past is i suppose our context often for the present and future. heh...my list of exes is actually rather short, so i don't think my relationship history good barometer of such things. :>
beyond: i dunno, i invariably call folks on their birthdays--if i remember to, that is. :> but the coordinated thing, that was neat, i'll confess. and that's really neat about your friend and his ex & husband. i think that's really neat that they can remain friends and i'm familiar with such a case: my brother's-in-law wife's parents actually are like that, they were divorce some years ago but they all remain friends now.
woman: you're altogether too kind, but thank you. my wife's pretty secure about k: it was after all a mutual end to that relationship, and my wife's been with me for going on 2 decades now; k had not quite 2 years, so there's really no comparison. :>
andora: hi, nice to see you at my blog again, it's been a while! i completely agree with you re: security in relationships. i have to say, i do think the world of my wife, thank you. :>
SG: i'll confess i'm curious how it has significance, but i'm sure that if you wanted to elaborate, you would have. :> and i'm glad it was a good experience, too. :>
CW: it was good to reconnect, esp after all that time. during our talk, i think we realized the last time we had a conversation was at my wedding reception! and yeah, i think j's idea was really cool, too. he topped it off, btw, with a surprise b-day party for her that saturday. :>
infernal: that's OK, i think i understand what you meant. and thank you. :>
rollingc: my romantic history's pretty short: i, then k, then dry spell and finally, my wife. see, quite short. :> i think i refuses to see me on principle--but then again, i treated her very, very poorly so i can't blame her.
lioness: hey there! i'm glad you liked it! :>
sis: yeah, i'm glad, too. it was after all 2 years or so of my life, you know?
kelly: well, as you might see, i have little history to go on, you know? :>
ed
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