While watching my kids and other kids grow up in three towns and cities, I noticed one large difference from the time when I was small. The kids today and for over twenty years at least, have difficulty occupying their time.
You hear people say 'parents should be more involved with their kids to keep them out of trouble'. Parents now seem to think it is one of their duties to purchase (usually expensive) items to occupy those minds and hands. These same cities and towns are pushed to provide activities to keep kids from becoming criminals.
Parents purchase, in one way or another, their children's childhood. I did it with mine, the parents around me did the same. For instance, I've bought enough electronics to set up a base on the moon. We buy them their happiness or take them someplace to get it.
Not all of this is bad, of course, parents definitely should spend time with children and buy them 'things'. What I'm trying to express is the difference in a generation.
We had imagination and acted on it. Our parents bought us things but we didn't rely on them to guide us through childhood lest we become bored. If we became bored we didn't get into trouble or piss and moan about it, we did something about it ourselves.
We were in organized sports, but that was just part of the time occupied.
We built high jumps you see in track & field. Two boards with measurements marked off and nails driven to hold the pole. They were driven in the ground and the high jump pole was cane that grew by the river and in alleys.
'Sand lot' ball was a given. Old throw pillows for bases and we anchored them in the ground using railroad tie spikes and home plate was a flat rock.
A river runs through my hometown. We built what would mostly look like a pallet from 'one by' and 'two by' boards. Then find four used inner tubes, air them up and repair if needed, then tie them to the bottom. From two more 'one by' boards would be the oars. We carried this to the river, launched it and rowed the river for hours each day.
We fished with fishing poles made from cane and string or fished with bows and arrows, a string tied to the arrow for retrieval.
I could go on with this, but the point is, we made our way. No one told us to do these things or how to do it. No one told us to 'go outside and play'. We never whined about 'nothing to do'. We literally created our entertainment, inside or out. We built 'forts' by the dozens, right in mom's way, the outside ones more elaborate.
It must be a terrible thing to whine your way through childhood, to 'must' have this or that. To 'must' be taken here or there even though you can walk with friends.
Something happened in between these generations. Perhaps its more money to spend on their pleasures. Perhaps we feel its our duty to be responsible for their time.
Sometimes I think we've taken it too far.
And many times I think its not best for them.
beyondtheveil posted on Aug 11, 2008
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Comments
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secretlife said on Aug 11, 2008....
beyond: i had this conversation with my husband the other day....and i'm with you- i think the kids are shortchanged.my daughters were able to fill their time without any trouble...but my son? it's like he looks to us to keep him from being bored....i swear it.so saturday after his 9am whine, i took away his computer access, his video game access and gave him a list of good old fashioned "chores". He mowed the lawn, weedwhacked with my husband, bagged yard waste for pick-up, cleaned out the garage....then went upstairs and cleaned out his closet bagging up clothes that no longer fit.after he was done with those chores, i didn't hear any more whining.....and come to think of it, i didn't hear any yesterday either.sometimes he'll go out with the boys in the neighborhood and they'll find a stream or go to the pond and hunt crawfish or look for newts...it's a double-edged sword to let them have the freedom to take their bikes and go off a few miles from home....but i'm starting to think this is the right thing to do more often. -
uniquely-ironic said on Aug 11, 2008....
I think part of the new micro managing that parents do is because we now fear strangers. As a kid I'd spend time at friends and family's house playing with the other kids or outdoors in the neighborhood. Now days we're lucky to know who our neighbors are. I do mourn the loss of imagination though. I often tell my kids to entertain themselves despite not being able to wander as freely as they used to.It makes me think that in the next few decades that the arts will become less vibrant. With fewer people who have developed their imaginations it would seem that there will be less "art" for them to create. (since no parent will be sitting over their shoulder to guide them) -
botoni said on Aug 11, 2008....
We do have some ability to pass on creative self entertainment to our children. My grandchildren and I can spend hours creating things with something as simple as a cardboard box. We've had the drug store, the mail office, the receptionist at the dentist, a train, a sled and the list goes on..........Two tin cans and a string make a phone line. Glass bottles with varying amounts of water make music. Moms' favorite pot is a terrific kettle drum. Awaaaaaaaaaaay we go. The amazing thing.....they still have all their electronics and their gadgets but the 'garbage' toys are equally important. -
Alyss said on Aug 11, 2008....
As my two have become more able to occupy their time themselves or together I have stepped back and encouraged that independence. Today they were playing in the garden with whoops and yells of fun as they played their adventure game, entirely from their imaginations. I was very proud.
Oh and if they come to me whining about not knowing what to do my usual response is to give them some chores to do. I find that usually does the trick. ;-)
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beyondtheveil said on Aug 11, 2008....
secret- I know more about your daughters than your son, but I believe he is old enough to roam streams with a couple friends. Geographical locations can mean a lot and the location of my post where I grew up is still quite safe for guys and girls to roam. Besides which, all these activities I mentioned were within three hundred yards of our subdivision. We didn't have to go 'into the country'. It was all in the city limits.
'Fun times' can be managed close by. Its the willingness and desire to take the initiative to do so. That is what we had.
unique- Age makes a big difference. We did these things from about nine to around fourteen. Before that age, we weren't allowed to wander hardly at all. People did pretty well know everyone in the neighborhood, as they do now. Smaller towns are that way all over from what I've seen.
But regardless of the situation, we had a different basic outlook. We found our own activities without any push or shove - it was natural. This is the difference I'm talking about. You could be right about the arts. Another strange thing that's happening is that girls are doing better than boys in school. They just passed boys in math & science for the first time. What's happening there?
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uniquely-ironic said on Aug 11, 2008....
Women are evolving past men? Just kidding!!! That is a new and strange twist. It makes me wonder how it will settle up. One other thing I noticed is that more men now cook and clean. Perhaps we are moving towards gender neutral roles.I think when kids watched less TV they were forced to use more imagination. As a kid we made our own kites, forts, toys, etc. There were games like hide and seek, street football, and the politically incorrect cowboys and indians. -
beyondtheveil said on Aug 11, 2008....
bot- That is true, we certainly can. When I think back to childhood, it isn't that the parents were left out, but if we had an idea (that raft for instance) they let us do it and sometimes under their supervision. They did provide most of the materials for some projects and allowed us to scrounge for the rest. Our idea, our creation, our initiative.
alyss- I think you should definitely encourage that independence of thought. When they come up with ideas of their own, it probably instills a sense of pride in us as much as they get for themselves. We both go forward, don't we? (those chores do seem to work wonders, however). I tried with my kids and it worked well with my daughter, my sons had their hand out far more.
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skald said on Aug 11, 2008....
I am sure it is more money, that happened like you said. Kids used to play outside and we used to have fun. But I have also seen how my grandson makes things form paper and cartons and he is so happy then. So. I think there is hope for kids today. -
beyondtheveil said on Aug 11, 2008....
skald- There are a lot of smart and creative kids around today, no doubt about it. But with changing times I think most kids expect more to be bought, expect parents to fill their spare time. It makes me wonder how it affects them later. -
queenparanoia said on Aug 11, 2008....
i think the trouble with today's generation( and i'm part of it) is that imaginiation is already made for you! unlike the way the old way where youc ould use your imagination to do anything you want... the media is already telling you what fun is... i'm happy to say that when growing up.. we werent rich we were poor actually... but it does not stop me and my friends to have fun... growing up i love to play house and other stuff too.. i didnt have much toys so i relay on what i had in my environment... for example we use leaves as plates in our house... and we use banana leaves as either roof or bed in our house....
sorry long post... but those were the days... ;-)
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beyondtheveil said on Aug 12, 2008....
queenie- It is true that they have become experts in providing entertainment & telling what fun is. I'm thinking you have a good point there. We had far fewer things bought for us than they do now also. I'll bet there were more 'tomboys' back then too. -
silverwhisper said on Aug 15, 2008....
you know i'm not a parent, but honestly, i too am worried at the seeming constant need for variety & different things that seems pervasive among kids. i see it in my nieces & nephews, and my other friends who are parents are almost uniformly saying the same.
ed -
beyondtheveil said on Aug 16, 2008....
Ed- I'd be curious to know the effect this has (and could get worse with time) on people later in life. One of the things that has happened in the last generation is boys are slipping in school and college and girls are ahead in all areas now. Possibly a side effect? -
beyondtheveil said on Aug 16, 2008....
Ed- Also a quote from Robert Heinlein I happened to remember: "Don't handicap your children by making their life easy".
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