I feel like i have no one to tell this to, so if i write it here at least its out in the open and i've kinda got a slight satisfaction of at least getting it off my chest.

 

I was dumped a few weeks ago and he broke my heart i think i actually cried more than i ever have done over anything else before, and he turned around and asked me how i cpuld be so calm!!!!!!calm i was bloody histerically crying but of course what he meant was why was i not angry at him!!!!

 

what a fucking stupid question how could i sit there and be fuming mad at the man about half an hour earlier i had once agen announced that i was in love with.

 

How could i be so stupid why did no one stop me!!!! y did it take him so long to stop me???

and i guess these are things that will never be answered.

and then after this last week two of my friends committed sucide and i dont kw how to let out what im feeling

 

the last time i felt like this was in college and i was 17 and my papa died, i was truely heart broken and i know its not a clever way to deal with things but i started smoking and drinking heavily and i have started to do the same thing agen but obviously before i had to drink secretly so it kept that at a certain level where as now i dnt. and i'd rather ppl know so they can sit with me and have a laff that is what life is about. Right?

but where does this recreactional stuff stop being a laff and fun and start being an issue??

 

i feel low the majority of the time and i have no reason to there are so many good things in my life and i just cant seem to pick myself up agen!!! any advice wud be nice