My feelings can change very quickly, it's frustrating and it sucks.

I was ok yesterday, good on Friday, now today I keep thinking about the ativan in my purse – thinking maybe it would help to take one, but I have so much to do today, I don’t want to take it.  I’m not okay  - not today.  And I don’t know how to fix it.  I just feel really sad, lonely and unsure of myself.  I’m trying to stay busy – but it isn’t helping.  He has been sending me a text message after text message and it’s messing with my head.  This is not what I need. 
I can’t seem to shake this anxiety and fear off today.  I don’t know why I’m writing this….. I guess I need someone to hold me and comfort me and tell me everything is going to be okay.  But I’m also aware that no one in real life is ever going to comfort me like that.  And I’ll never reach out to anyone anyway…. Not in that way.  So I’m just screwed – as usual.