• Mamie said on Aug 10, 2008....

  hey,
  you have been through a lot lately...how about making an appt to have a mani/pedi in the off hours...google the location you are headed to and find a spa nearby. The price of the services will be well worth it and keep you occupied otherwise...or you can find a movie theatre close by and take a cab out to the movies..nobody would think of that.
  Who else is travelling...maybe another friend could run interference for you? good luck!!

• I'mNotHungry said on Aug 10, 2008....

  Hey M,

  It's just me and him traveling together...... there will be others at the meeting, but I'm still scared.  I want to talk to my T but she's not available this weekend :-(
  

  There is another woman coming that I can hang with, but it's night time that gets me - the lonliness...... I feel alone and sad today.  Maybe I should double up on my meds :-)
  

• Mamie said on Aug 10, 2008....

  ah Christ, it is like the torture before the torture, right? I wonder if you are just blunt at your first conversation then he might just give up....it is unreasonable for him to expect what he expects anyway...you deserve more! Is the other girl going someone you can talk to...like tell her/ say this guy is being a little creepy? Maybe she will cover for you and you can steer clear....it is a dilemma to be sure!

• Mamie said on Aug 10, 2008....

  btw, being with him will make you more lonely, not less....

• I'mNotHungry said on Aug 10, 2008....

  I know you're right (about being more lonely)  and I don't want to be with him.  I have told him that.  I have told him I am NOT going to sleep with him, but I wonder still if he believes me.  He has told me that he has committed to working on his marriage - and I know if something happened again, it would fuck him up as well as me. 

  I don't know, M, he still tells me he loves me... and I still tell him he doesn't even know me.  I hate this.  It's like another person takes over my body sometimes when I'm lonely and I do things that, at the moment, seem like they will bring me comfort and solace, when in reality, after these "times" I feel even more alone, even more lonely.... and I beat myself up for that. 
  
  I really want to talk to someone about it... I want to talk to my T.  I wish she wasn't out of town.  But she is...... and I'm a *grown-up* (even though I don't feel like it right now) and I should be able to take care of mself.

  *HUGE FRUSTRATING SIGH*
  

• vacantmind said on Aug 10, 2008....

  So, what if you did get to talk to your T. What would she say? You are very capable of telling yourself that you don't have to do anything you don't want to. Yes, you might be lonely but, you are able to keep yourself from doing something you will only regret later.

  The only thing that I can tell you that will keep you safe is. YOU ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANYONE ELSE. His needs don't come before yours. You are always number one on your list. So, only do what is right for you.

• nytquill17 said on Aug 10, 2008....

  Is there anything you can do to fill the time at night?  It might not fill the loneliness, but something that will keep you so occupied or "locked in" to what you're doing that you won't want to or won't be able to give in to his advances if he makes any?
  
  Something like...going to a late movie at the theater.  Or some arts and crafts, leisure-type project or hobby that will keep your hands busy.  Writing tons of letters by hand, catching up some mundane task you have to do on your laptop.  Find a late-night starbucks and make up goofy stories about everyone who comes in to buy coffee.
  
  Buy a Mad-Libs book and fill them all in.  Or buy any kind of book or puzzle book you're tempted to read or play.
  
  Hell, play word games with the TV.  Turn on the TV and try to listen for a word that begins with each letter of the alphabet, in order.  Or pick some random word and count how many times you hear it in an hour.  Just anything where you feel like there's something you've GOT to do or finish, something you're committed to, so that by the time you're done, the crisis moment has passed.
  

• cuppajava said on Aug 10, 2008....

  Hi
  I am sorry I have just seen this now,and may be abit late.But I agree with the above.
  Dont do anything that you dont want to.Tell him from the start that there is NO CHANCE of anything happening again.How can he tell you that he is working on his marriage in one breathe and tell you that he still loves you in another.
  You need to be strong.he thought he had a hold on you at one stage.Now he is trying it again.Dont let him.Be cold towards him in the beginning so he gets the message.
  Try and bring crosswords or something with you,or keep a journal of your thoughts and emotions,so you keep yourself busy at night.At least then your T would be able to see what you were feeling during the trip.
  And you always have this community to talk to
  I for one would be glad to help
  Take care
  CJ
  x
  

• scipio said on Aug 11, 2008....

  Keep your fingers and legs crossed. 

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