Hello all. This is my first blog on Soul Cast, sooo..yay me! heehee

 

Today I did nothing. Well, lets not say nothing, just nothing of any great inportance. While there are things I need to do, I instead did nothing of any great importance. This is mostly due to the fact that I can't concetrate anymore and am lacking part of the fine ability, most mammals, at least, on this planet have, called caring. Looking out on the world it is easy to see that, sadly, I am not a dying breed.

 

Today while reading one of those fan fictions I am addicted to I figuratively was punched in the gut. Right in the sweet spot. You know, where you just clunch your stomache, scrunch your face up, attempt to take it like a man on the outside, and are just crying and screaming "MOTHER FUCKER" on the inside.

 

This person is a girl I know who lives in Australia, I'll call her Aus (original i know). Don't get me wrong, I like her. I think she's cool and i consider her my friend. This really doesn't have much to do with her accept she wrote the fictions that through me a fast one. She's been writing these fanfics and throwing out these lines that sound so fucking cool, and all these situations that are just great.  I've noticed this in a few others. And while they aren't perfect and adolescent, I love her stuff. Hers also have tons of readers.

 

Mine...not as many usually.

 

I guess I used to be a lot better. Or maybe i've just always been a shit writer and haven't known it. Fuck, I can't concentrate enought lately to sit down and write an essay either.

But do you know why this sucks ten times more than maybe it should? Writing is what I want to do with my life. Other than that I have no idea.

 

Wasn't there an author that shot himself simply because he ran out of ideas? Hemmingway did, but he was depressed among other things. Van Gogh, the painter, shot himself as well. But again, plagued by mental illness.

 

Ah, suicide. I wish it were that easy! I simply would not be able to do it. I'm way more into suffering anyway. Masochism may be somewhat sicker at any rate anyway...