THE BOTTOM OF MY HEARTI thank you each, from the bottom of my heart. Wherever is the bottom of one's heart? It must be a very deep place, that even we can barely fathom.
I made this comment on a comment in my last blog, and it made me think.
Have you ever been pleasantly surprised to have loved more, deeper, in more miraculous ways, than you ever thought you could?
When I was young, I had this great love for animals. I was really gifted with them. My father would take me to all of the surrounding county fairs and the state fair every year. I loved the fairway with all of the rides and thrills. I went on everything that they would let me ride (I was pretty short ; ). But the animal barn was equally important to me!
My dad would put me right into the pens with the animals. I even pet bulls. All the cattle, sheep, and goats would get real quiet and turn to look at me as I talked to them with words and calming thoughts ; ) I thought it was normal. It was normal to me.
I had a dog that had been mistreated. She was afraid of people and totally hyper. Except with me. She was very devoted to me and I loved her very much. Our vet said that if I wasn't there when he examined her, she would have bitten him. He told me that I always had to keep her under my control. So I did. She went wherever I went. She was a good dog, for me.
After I had my oldest daughter, I couldn't keep my dog anymore. My dog was horribly jealous of my little one. I was shocked to see how deep and different my love was for my baby girl, certainly more than it had ever been for any of my animals, and even my nieces and nephews. I was amazed to feel the power of this protective and unyeilding love for my daughter. She was the single most important person in my life at that point. I loved God of course. I thought I loved Him as well as I possibly could.
Well, that was true enough at the time. At least until I saw and held my daughter, and I felt more love rise up in me, apparently from the bottom of my heart...than I had ever previously imagined I could love! The result of that new, deeper and more powerful love I felt for her, was that I loved God even more than I had before! I loved everyone that I had ever loved, more powerfully than before...deeper, and with greater wisdom, truth and understanding.
You might wonder what happened to my dog. Well, I must admit that I did not do right by her...or by my nephew that was later bitten by my dog while she was under the care of my mother and brother. I let them keep her. No one believed me when I said to keep her away from children...ALL children. I should not have trusted them to believe me. They had never really trusted anything I said. But that's what happened. She eventually bit my little nephew in the face. She only got his lip, but that was the Grace of God. She could have gotten his eye, or both eyes. Who knows?
She was just a dog. Not capable of discerning certain things. Not capable of controlling her own fear. As much as I loved animals, I know that they were not made in the image of God. They do not have the depth of love, compassion and self control that humans are capable of.
Even a good dog, an obedient dog is still not like a human. Even a dog that is a helper dog or service dog cannot understand the sanctity of life, and the generational responsibility we have as humans. The wonder one feels as a parent at the ways in which we must grow and come to a fuller and more sacrificial commitment to our child, for at least 18 years...well, there is nothing like it.
Can you imagine the heart it takes, to birth and raise up countless generations of humans? My love for God grew out of the humbling experiences which taught me how deep is my heart. It is as deep as I will let it be, and deeper...infinite even.
Since the birth of my daughter, I have been a willing student of the human heart, and also an avid seeker to know better, the Heart of God. I love more now than I ever thought possible. I know now that my love is endless and hopelessly resilient. I, personally, do not know the depth of my heart or yours...but I am eternally grateful to know the One who does.
So I thank you...all of my teachers, each one of you...I thank you from the bottom of my heart. For wherever is the bottom of one's heart? It must be a very deep place, where even we can barely fathom.
Love, love, love,
Truthsayer
Copyright, Truthsayer, August 9, 2008
