• secretlife said on Aug 15, 2006....

  This wouldn't work out in my house. My husband is the jealous type and there's just no way any kind of discussion is going to convince him that we should be allowed to have 'playmates'. I've known people that have this type of arrangement where it seems to work. However, I'm not privy to the inside of those marriages, so who really knows what works and what doesn't. What appears one way to an outsider looking in, might appear totally different from the inside. But if you just ask me my belief I would tell you that monogamy, while a nice concept, isn't realistic.

• silverwhisper said on Aug 15, 2006....

  quidnunc: perhaps oddly, i've actually ||{1}|| about this. :> ed

• LadyGamer said on Aug 15, 2006....

  I've been in a marriage where ONE of the partners felt no constraints on his wandering eye. It got to the point I was glad he was finding it somewhere else, though. It didn't bring us closer.

• silvio said on Aug 15, 2006....

  In the 1970' I was a young buck, and swinging was the in thing where I lived there was a net work of single divorced house wives, needless to say I did'nt have much free time, I'am glad i experenced it but today it's just too risky. this was before aids or as know back then G R I D. gay related intercourse disease, . If your gonna play you better be shure, where you are going poke your hoky doky in. Good luck. Silvio

• quidnunc said on Aug 15, 2006....

  SW: i just read it! posted on the 4th of july! yes, that was odd... this blog, on the other hand, was inspired by realmenluvporn's comment to my earlier blog. after reading your july 4 post, i must say it's not an everday type of arrangement we see among married couples. i may be wrong but i would perhaps not allow any similar arrangement between me and my wife... LadyGamer: are you still married to this "wandering" guy?

• quidnunc said on Aug 15, 2006....

  secretlife: i agree that monogamy is difficult to fully realize. i've endeavored and struggled to stay monogamous and, thankfully, have been rather successful at it... i just do not know until when... the struggle continues. silvio: very timely advise. indeed, if you can't help it, at least be careful.

• JadeLondon said on Aug 15, 2006....

  No, I cannot say that would ever work for my husband and I. He is far too jealous anyway. And as much as I love my husband, I couldn't stand the thought of him finding sexual satisfaction (or otherwise) from another woman. That might work for some, but not for us. Perhaps because we feel marriage implies monogamy. I can safely say 'we' because this has been the spark for many a discussion.

• quidnunc said on Aug 16, 2006....

  i'm with you there Jade. many married couples believe in exclusivity. while there are those who are into open marriages, like you, i also do not think that it will work for me and my wife.

• durianshortcake said on Aug 16, 2006....

  quidnunc, why would monogamy be such a struggle? OMG, here I go again...

• quidnunc said on Aug 16, 2006....

  because temptation lurks all around... and because i am made up of flesh and blood. but, as i said, i have thankfully stayed monogamous... and i intend to keep it that way.

• durianshortcake said on Aug 16, 2006....

  Aren't women made up of flesh and blood, too? I haven't done research about this but frankly, I think men were just made to believe that they were created by God to be more susceptible to temptation than women were. It is this belief that makes them weaker. It is this belief that justifies their womanizing. If they were made to believe otherwise, then men would be the ones complaining about their philandering wives.

• quidnunc said on Aug 16, 2006....

  culture and norms may have a lot to do with it... but i know of some philandering wives, too. both men and women are susceptible to give in to temptation...

• durianshortcake said on Aug 16, 2006....

  The big difference is: most (I'm not saying all) wives who enter into extramarital affairs don't do it just because they aren't sexually satisfied with their husbands while most of the husbands who enter into these affairs reason out that they do it because they aren't sexually satisfied with their wives. I'm sure both genders think before they act. But women are logical/emotional thinkers, while men are libidical. I've heard stories about swinging couples and based on what I've been told, wives agree with swinging because they want their husbands to be sexually satisfied and not because they also want to have playmates. Poor women.

• silverwhisper said on Aug 16, 2006....

  durian: that conflicts w/ what i've heard from women who are "in the life", as they call it. ed

• StupidGenius said on Aug 16, 2006....

  [b]Confess to all your sins soulcasters[/b] you will feel better, [b]promise[/b] ||{1}||

• Indiefilm said on Aug 16, 2006....

  It boils down to agreements and culture. My wife and I both believe in monogomy. To me the thought of my wife wanting an 'open relationship' or cheating on me wouldn't make me jealous as much as it would make me sad. It would be a statement from my wife that she felt I wasn't good enough for her, or that she didn't feel she was able to be open enough with me to get what she wanted. That is what our agreement has been since we started dating 7 years ago, and what it still is today. Personally, I've never even considered cheating on my wife. I would be a liar if I said I didn't have fantasies, but I've never even remotly been tempted to act on them. As for open relationships, while I don't necissarily agree with them, I think it is a personal decission for the parties involved and should remain a personal decission. Just as monogamy is a personal decission.

• realmenluvporn said on Aug 16, 2006....

  Jealousy on the part of either party is the one thing that will not let this work. But consider what jealousy is: It's a fear of losing something important, is it not? For my wife and I, we decided before we got married that we were ideally suited for one another, we flagrantly enjoy each others' company, we are best friends and world class lovers. Our marriage was built on a very good friendship first, and that friendship included non-judgmental acceptance of everything about the other person as a unique expression of who they are. We didn't come into this partnership expecting that she would change me or that I would change her. We accepted each other as we were, "warts and all." So for us our decision to be lifepartners is decided at some level higher than a mere "You did this to me so I don't love you anymore" like you see with couples who are invested in not cheating. It's not for everyone, and I don't mean to suggest it is. But for those who are secure enough with their own identities, and loving enough of their partner to let them be who they are, it is a lifestyle that is truly liberating and intensely fulfilling. And the sex is AMAZING! (btw, in this day and age, who among us really doesn't know what safer sex practices are and are not? ;-) Q

• Indiefilm said on Aug 16, 2006....

  rmlp, [i]"for those who are secure enough with their own identities, and loving enough of their partner to let them be who they are"[/i] So are you saying that because I choose to only have sex with one woman, i'm not secure in my identity or loving enough of my partner? - intended or not, that is the implication of your post, that someone who doesn't want to be in an 'open relationship' is some how less secure with who they are, or less accepting of their partner. and that just plain isn't true! Your right, 'the lifestyle' (so called) is not for everyone. While some poeple may find it fulfilling, many don't feel the need to look for 'greener pastures' when it comes to their sex lives. Some do, some don't, like I said personal choice. Contrary to what the American media sells, sex [i]isn't everything[/i] in life. While it most certainly is part of life, it isn't the only thing that is worth while or fulfilling.

• hunter_boyce_chandler said on Aug 16, 2006....

  I feel compelled to make a comment on this post for some unknown reason as I have no empirical data from which to draw any significant conclusion at all. I am in a 21 year old faithful marriage to Mrs. HBC and can honestly tell you I have never strayed. I value our relationship both as a lover and a best friend far more than any single act of sexual release. Even if it is with two lesbians and a midgit.

• quidnunc said on Aug 16, 2006....

  one thing is sure. open marriage is not for everyone. it's a choice between spouses. but i agree with the "monogamists" here, for i too cannot imagine [i]sharing[/i] myself or my wife with someone else. [u]i know[/u] i will never enter into an open marriage arrangement, and [u]i know[/u] so not because i am not secure with my own identity, but precisely because i am [u]that[/u] secure about it. i don't need to cavort with other women to make myself even more secure. i married my wife because she completes me.

• LoriaAmnekia said on Aug 16, 2006....

  My husband and I don't really have an open relationship, but we do have two agreements. 1) Each of us is allowed to mess around with same sex partners if we want to. (We don't right now. When we were dating, I had an occurence with a good friend, and he would probably never do anything with a guy.) 2) We each have a celeb or two we fantasize about. We have laughingly agreed that if the opportunity ever presented itself, we would not hold anything that may or may not happend against each other. We love each other. I think that's all that matters. We both know that we want to be together for a long time. We know that we don't want to hurt each other. We could not have an actual 'open' relationship. Neither of us could handle that. But the agreement we have works for us. Even if we never do act on it.

• secretlife said on Aug 16, 2006....

  could someone pass me the popcorn please?

• durianshortcake said on Aug 16, 2006....

  SW, conflicts will always exist especially in sexual issues. But what is the ratio between wives entering the setup [i]for their husbands' pleasure[/i] and wives who do it [i]for their own[/i]? *Passes popcorn to secretlife* Would somebody hand me a soda, please? =P

• realmenluvporn said on Aug 16, 2006....

  Indie: No, no, I'm sorry, that's not the implication I wanted to make. I was leaning more in the direction of it works for US because we are secure in our identities and love each other unconditionally. You're right, I could have phrased that much better and I sincerely apologize to anyone who took my comment in that way. Q

• realmenluvporn said on Aug 16, 2006....

  Quidnunc: Ibid on my comments to Indie, I misspoke and I'm sorry, that was pretty shitty of me to make such an inference. Q

• silverwhisper said on Aug 16, 2006....

  durian: IIRC, there seemed to be no gender divide. it appears our respective anecdotal evidence cancel each other out. :> [passes durian some soda] ed

• Indiefilm said on Aug 17, 2006....

  rmlp; Don't sweat it, I was just giving a counterpoint to see how you'd respond and to get a clearer understanding of your position. And of course, to state my own. ;)

• realmenluvporn said on Aug 17, 2006....

  Indie: Cool. :-D Q/RMLP

• TheWolf said on Aug 17, 2006....

  Well it sounds like an exciting prospect but personally... I wouldn't.... It seems like a good idea but when the reality of it hit home then it doesn't seem so great anymore... Jealously is inevitable... but if you do wanna try something like that check this site ||{1}|| Good Luck hope it works out for you..

• Justagirl said on Aug 19, 2006....

  All I can say is don't do it. My husband and I did it and within 6 weeks I had filed for divorce. It's not natural or normal. Just try to spice things up in the bedroom-I was never happy with him, so for me it was nice to be able to try someone new, but potentially really bad things can happen.
  

• realmenluvporn said on Aug 19, 2006....

  Justagirl: Yes, if there are any jealousy issues, it will not work. As I said, it's not for everyone.
  
  RMLP
  

• Mother&aWife said on Aug 22, 2006....

  My husband would freak out if he thought someone was looking at me to hard. If I look the wrong way theres a problem. And to be honest I'm a bit jealous too. So it wuldn't work for us. Besides if you wanted to have outside relations why did you get married in the first place. You could have stayed dating.
  

• silverwhisper said on Aug 22, 2006....

  why get married? b/c marriage isn't about sex. marriage is about love. and as you probably know, sex and love are hardly synonymous.
  
  i can accept that for you and justagirl, this means that sex is necessarily confined within marriage, period, end of discussion. however, i think it's a mistake to assume that such an arrangement isn't marriage.
  
  ed
  

• disastergirl said on Sep 11, 2006....

  this is a very interesting can of worms that you've opened up.
  
  when i was with my ex boyfriend,.......we had an agreement that we could sleep with whoever we wanted.
  
  neither of us went that route.
  
  i'm not sure why.
  
  now that we aren't together anymore.....
  both of us have slept with other people.....
  and with each other....
  mostly with each other, and both of us find it a turn on that the other has had other encounters.
  
  i don't think i LIKE the idea of an open marriage.....i would be too afraid that he would find the other womans company more stimulating than my own....for me, it's NOT about the sex. he can go fuck whoever he wants.....it's about the time spent.
  
  he can go sleep with her.....but if he goes over there to watch a movie......or have a conversation, or anything else...that's when the big purple word comes up. JEALOUSY. i know it COMPLETELY turns him on to know i've been with another guy.....but i'd still rather be spending the time with him.
  

• quidnunc said on Sep 12, 2006....

  disastergirl, thanks for dropping by and reigniting this conversation. i'm just curious, if you happen to marry your ex-boyfriend, do you think sex would still be as exciting for you both if it's not an open marriage? i ask that because now, you are both turned on by the thought "that the other has had other encounters."
  

• disastergirl said on Sep 26, 2006....

  hmmm, i'm not exactly sure......right now even sex with him is beginning to dull......i like exciting things.....interesting different things in bed....but only when i feel completely connected to someone.....and that actually can happen in a reletively short amount of time....but he is tending to not take that time anymore........
  
  so, it's harder to have anythign exciting even right now...let alone after marriage.
  
  he's a COMPLETE introvert....and i crave his company and he cannot give that to me as much as i'd like...and so far, i haven't found another guy that i crave spending time with as much...sex....sure....but that can stimulate me intellectually......hasn't happened yet.
  

• silverwhisper said on Sep 27, 2006....

  disastergirl: sorry to hear that the bloom's off the rose a bit. can he identify why it's different now?
  
  ed
  

• RabidBoi said on Mar 02, 2007....

  I was married one and yes we did have an open marriage with boundries. Though our divorce had nothing to do with it. I fully support open marriages as long as both parties know who they truely love and always go home too. Sex is sex, its part of what we are, animals. You dont see animals getting all jealous and leaving their mate or beating the perp up. Its natural. I have NO sense of jealousy.

• intuition897 said on Apr 15, 2007....

  Wow, very interesting discussion.  To start, I think I'll just answer the OP's question:

  "would you allow your spouse to have sex with anyone he/she wishes? would you give yourself the same freedom (with your spouse's permission)? i'm interested to know your perspective."

  Short answer: yes.  My husband and I have been married going on 13 years now, and we became interested in swinging in about 1999.  We became active swingers in 2003 and we're now back to monogamy (temporarily) for the past 2 1/2 years.  Which has kind of sucked.  It feels a bit like having to come home from vacation in the Caribbean, where everyday stresses just don't exist.  Just like couples need to take vacations to exotic destinations, we like to take vacations from the usual social expectations that are placed on us every day.  We spend our time pretending that we're monogamous for the sake of others, and that in itself is a stress.  We do this for the comfort of others, as we know that the truth would be very distressing for them. 

  We truly enjoyed swinging and we hope to get back to it.  And just for the record, we are very much in love and very devoted to our marriage.  Moreso than many monogamous couples we have met in our day to day life.  Ours truly is an affair proof marriage.  Instead of running away from the nagging "what if" in our minds, we've flung open the closet door to see if there really is a bogey man in there.  Turns out there isn't.  My husband is completely devoted to me, and I to him.  There is no reason to cheat and simply no excuse; all we ever need to do is ask and it is given to us.  Why would we unnecessarily involve deceit where it is only complicates something that is really quite simple?

• lisamay said on Oct 27, 2007....

  I dont think i want a truly "open" marriage, but i am in favor of having "extra" sex partners within boundaries.
  
  

• lisamay said on Oct 27, 2007....

  I dont think i want a truly "open" marriage, but i am in favor of having "extra" sex partners within boundaries.
  
  

• StupidGenius said on Nov 09, 2007....

  Be single or be married, dont be both. If you love someone then be faithfull, if you cant be faithfull then leave the marriage.
   
  If you are not with someone that can forfill your every desire, fantasy, wish then you have simply not met your soul mate and i suggest you keep looking or risk a life long meaning less and unforfilling relationship.
   
  SG

• silverwhisper said on Nov 09, 2007....

  SG, you're assuming that the construct known as an open marriage cannot exist. i do not believe that's a good assumption.
  
  ed

• intuition897 said on Nov 09, 2007....

  Responding to SG

  "Be single or be married, dont be both."
  
  Says who?  Whose bloody marriage is this anyway?  Because I didn't see anyone else step up to the plate and put their name on OUR marriage certificate.  How we govern ourselves and our marriage is no one's business but our own.  Begging your pardon, but unless one has intimate knowledge of the inner dynamics of a couple's relationship, one has no place judging it.
  
  "If you love someone then be faithfull, if you cant be faithfull then leave the marriage."
  
  We are faithful.  Moreso than many "monogamous" couples we know.  Sure they keep it in their pants (or not, if they can get away with it without getting caught) but that doesn't stop them from being emotionally dishonest with one another and entertaining thoughts of being with someone else.  We have simply acknowledged what is, in our opinion, a natural and normal drive.
   
  "If you are not with someone that can forfill your every desire, fantasy, wish then you have simply not met your soul mate and i suggest you keep looking or risk a life long meaning less and unforfilling relationship."
  
  Now that's rich.  You make some hefty assumptions there, SG.  First of all, we lost the stars in our eyes a long time ago about love being somehow mystically connected to an orgasm...and the person who can "love" us enough to give us one.  You assume that, because we are open to bringing others into our relationship, that it is somehow lacking, that we don't love one another, or that we are bored or dissatisfied with one another.  If anyone DOES go into swinging with any of these being true, failure IS guaranteed.  So we agree there. 
  
  But here is where I disagree: human love is finite (that's sex).  Divine love (real love) is infinite.  If I asked you to define a marriage, you would say something like, "A relationship where two people stop having sex with other people and promise to only have sex with each other."  I think it's really, really sad when a marriage is defined in this way.  I mean, is this REALLY all that constitutes a marriage?!  Penises and vaginas?  I don't believe that there is a single "right one" for each person.  I believe that every person is worth loving, and can be loved.  Not all know how to love in return, though, and this is why love must be a choice.  It's 5% divine intervention and 95% intention.  My husband IS my soul mate.  He is my companion in this life and the beauty of our relationship lies in its tenuousness.  All that holds us together is our intention to love one another and be a friend to one another come what may.
  
  Tie a string around a spring and it will contain it..until the string wears out or someone comes along and cuts it on you.  The spring flies apart.  But what is the likelihood of two electromagnets falling apart?  They WANT to be together.  If the desire/current is strong, it can be nearly impossible to separate them.  Our love, our decision to love one another, is like that current.  Someone can only come between us if we allow them to...if we shut off the current.  I can't shut off my love for my husband; it's not just something I do...It's who I am. 
  
  He fulfills my every desire and fantasy.  Fairy tales were never this good.  But I love ALL of him, which includes who he is apart from me.  I love that other women find him attractive.  I love that he enjoys ALL parts of his life, and that includes getting to know other people on every level.  This may not be everyone's standard definition of marriage, but this "communion of souls" that he and I share is about as close as two souls can get to one another on this earth.  It's the most beautiful expression of marriage to us, and going back to making demands of one another to be sexually exclusive in order to somehow prove our love to one another is just downright silly.

• StupidGenius said on Nov 10, 2007....

  "communion of souls"

  Come off it, if you make a commitment then stick to it. You are simply making excuses for deciding that you need to be sexual with other people. A marige is a commitment. Dont make a commitment if you are not capable of keeping it in your pants or skirt or what ever.

  I maybe old fasioned when it comes to this subject but to me, If you need to look somewhere else whether that be as an affair or within an open marriage then something is missing from your relationship. Thats just my view.

  I have done group and all kinds of interesting sexual things but when I make a commitment to someone then I live with that person as one and that means I care totaly what they think and feel. I would never do something knowingly that would  cause jelousy.

  This is my view. It dosnt bother me that people do it because I also belive that what people do is up to them. we can all live the way we want. It just not something I would go along with or permit if I was in a commited relationship.

  I am in a commited relationship and have been for the past 8 years. I can honestly say hand on heart that I have never even been tempted to sleep with anyone else. If I had then I would leave and be single as it is not fair.

  SG

   

• intuition897 said on Nov 10, 2007....

  Uh huh.  Here we go with the bashing of the heads against the wall.  But it's like a compulsion with me.  I can't seem to just walk away from this argument because it is something I feel very strongly about as well.

  "Come off it, if you make a commitment then stick to it. You are simply making excuses for deciding that you need to be sexual with other people. A marige is a commitment. Dont make a commitment if you are not capable of keeping it in your pants or skirt or what ever. "

  Do NOT lecture me about the meaning of committment!  If this is all committment means to you - keeping one's panties on - then lovely for you.  I, for one, don't see sex as the ultimate expression of love or committment.  This doesn't hurt me and it doesn't hurt him.  AND it doesn't hurt our relatiosnhip or anyone else.  I'm sorry, SG, but this really pisses me off.  My understanding of committment is more profound than you give me credit for, I assure you.  Like I said: being committed to my husband is more than what I do...it's who I am.

  "I maybe old fasioned when it comes to this subject but to me, If you need to look somewhere else whether that be as an affair or within an open marriage then something is missing from your relationship. Thats just my view."

  And I can appreciate that everyone has their own opinion.  What I have a problem with is when people feel that their opinion (that is, what you think about a thing you have no direct knowledge of) is somehow more relevant than factual evidence.  More about that in a moment... 

  I agree.  If someone NEEDS to look elsewhere for satisfaction, then that certainly does indicate a problem.  But what about couples who could happily live together for the rest of their lives in a fully monogamous relationship (and I do mean happily) but find that they don't NEED to be monogamous to be happy?

  "I have done group and all kinds of interesting sexual things but when I make a commitment to someone then I live with that person as one and that means I care totaly what they think and feel. I would never do something knowingly that would  cause jelousy."

  Did you feel dirty and bad when you did it?  Because I don't.  I think that's the difference.  Neither does my hubby, and I'm not offended by his lack of shame.  In fact, I think it's great.  If being sexually exclusive is your preferred way to express your love, then have at it.  It works very well for a large number of couples.  I care what my husband thinks and feels, and would give up swinging in a heartbeat if it hurt him in any way.  It is something that we both must be perpetually aware of and that we do our utmost to anticipate and deal with any situations that might cause damage before they actually do. I doubt that I would find as much satisfaction swinging as a single.  It really is about what we share between us...not about the sex with other people.

  "This is my view. It dosnt bother me that people do it because I also belive that what people do is up to them. we can all live the way we want. It just not something I would go along with or permit if I was in a commited relationship."

  For myself, I find that a little backward.  If it's wrong, it's wrong, and being single shouldn't make any difference.  But I find nothing wrong with it, it's not dirty, and it's a "hobby" we both enjoy and share.  Why do people get their panties in such a knot just because I don't value sex the same way that they do?  WHY is this so wrong?  There's a big difference between being apprpriately respectful of a thing, and revering a thing to the point of worshipping it. 

  "I am in a commited relationship and have been for the past 8 years. I can honestly say hand on heart that I have never even been tempted to sleep with anyone else. If I had then I would leave and be single as it is not fair."

  Your honesty is admirable.  I mean that sincerely.  I have been in a committed relationship for the past 13 years, and I can honestly swear that I am not tempted to cheat on my spouse.  In fact I find the act of dishonesty deplorable and the ultimate act of betrayal.  If I was tempted to treat my spouse in such a way, I too would leave him, as he deserves better than to be stuck with the lying, conniving, callous, self-centred, selfish, cowardly bitch that I would be.  There's a big difference between cheating and swinging.

• StupidGenius said on Nov 12, 2007....

  Not sure why you feel the need to quote everything I say but if it helps you structure your response then... ok.

  Let me put it in terms you can understand seeing as you find some of what I said backward.

  My personal view is that its wrong. I think if you make a commitment to someone then you should stick to it and not let your animal instincts "To share"  take over or become part of your relationship. In my view the whole point of taking vows and commiting yourself to another person is just that. You are stating that you are willing to spend the rest of your life with that person. You commit yourself to the person you marry. I take this to also mean sexualy. If you dont and it works for you then good luck.

  Just to recap, My view is that it is wrong and their is no need to get married if you are both going to sleep around whether you do it concentingly or not. Just be two single people in a relationship.

  I would not let my wife touch another man or woman unless we split up. Never. You can do what ever you like, but im not sure why you take offense and structure a massive response when Im simply stating my view. Take a chill pill.

  Hope this clears up my backwards view.

  SG

• intuition897 said on Nov 12, 2007....

  Sorry if my quoting your responses back to you seems redundant.  I just like to make sure we are both perfectly clear about which point I'm responding to.  But as it doesn't seem to be doing any good any way, I guess I'll pare it down a bit.

  
  

  I'll use it here and there because at times I find it important.  Here for example:
  Let me put it in terms you can understand seeing as you find some of what I said backward.

  Correct me if I'm wrong (and other posters feel free to chime in here to give this some perspective), but I detect a note of condescension in this phrase.  I do indeed find some parts of your belief system backwards...for me.  If it works for you, as you said, GREAT!  I don't like being thought of as stupid or ignorant when I know for a fact that I'm not.  I'm offended by others' pity.  Should it bother me, you ask, what others think of me?  I don't know.  Does it bother you that I return the sentiment for thinking it of me?

  
  

  My personal view is that its wrong. I think if you make a commitment to someone then you should stick to it and not let your animal instincts "To share"  take over or become part of your relationship.

  
  

  Sorry.  Quoting again, but I want to make something clear that you missed despite my attempt to explain it previously.  I agree that no one should ever let their baser animal instincts rise above their concern for their spouse's feelings or the integrity of their relationship on their list of priorities.  I'm not sure why you insist that this must be the case in every swinger couple's relationship, even when they go out of their way to assure you that it absolutely is not the case.

  
  

   Just be two single people in a relationship.

  
  

  So...is it our use of the term "married" that offends you?  Do you feel that it is an insult to "real" married people everywhere?  Just because we don't feel we need to conform to the rest of the world's standard for marriage?  I feel more married than many people I meet in my day to day life.  How many truly healthy, happy, thriving marriages are there out there?  Not as many as there should be, I'd wager.  I love my husband.  I thank God every day that I'm as blessed as I am to know what true love feels like.  So when someone insinuates that what we have isn't real or valid, that it's not as good as a "real" marriage, just because our beliefs conflict with theirs, it doesn't feel very good. 

  
  

  I wish there was some way I could do that Vulcan mind-meld thing, so I could let others know exactly what I mean and leave no room for doubt or misunderstanding.  Monogamy is great.  Non-monogamy is also great.  It just depends on what is right for the couple.  Why does it have to be such a big deal?

  
  

  I would not let my wife touch another man or woman unless we split up. Never.

  
  

  Why not?  Or did you mean that you wouldn't touch another man or woman unless you split up?  I'm sure you meant both, but I'm just curious why you mentioned this first.

  
  

  You can do what ever you like, but im not sure why you take offense and structure a massive response when Im simply stating my view.

  
  

  I dunno, because I type fast and like to argue?  :)  Keeps the mind sharp.  No Alzheimer's for me!

  
  

  Take a chill pill.

  
  

   Likewise...

• StupidGenius said on Nov 12, 2007....

  Ok have it your way lol
   
  Correct me if I'm wrong (and other posters feel free to chime in here to give this some perspective), but I detect a note of condescension in this phrase.
   
  You are wrong, condesention was not ment
   
  I'm not sure why you insist that this must be the case in every swinger couple's relationship, even when they go out of their way to assure you that it absolutely is not the case.
   
  I did no such thing. I did not assume anything I simply stated my feelings on the subject much the same as you are doing.
   
  I thank God every day that I'm as blessed as I am to know what true love feels like.  So when someone insinuates that what we have isn't real or valid, that it's not as good as a "real" marriage, just because our beliefs conflict with theirs, it doesn't feel very good. 
   
  If you are a religious person then im not sure how happy you think the imaginary guy in the sky would be about what you do. Im sure there is a comandment about coverting thy neigbours wife?? I didnt say it wasnt real I simply said that I dont agree with it and I can say whatever the hell I like whether it offends or not. Although offending was not my intention.
   
  Why not?  Or did you mean that you wouldn't touch another man or woman unless you split up?  I'm sure you meant both, but I'm just curious why you mentioned this first.
   
  I ment that I would not allow my missus to have any kind of sexual goings on with anyone other than me. If we split up then she is free to do as she wishes. I am commited to her and she is to me but if she decided I wasnt enough for her then I would say Bye Bye and she could go and do what ever she wanted. I have no interest in touching other men by the way lol.

  I dunno, because I type fast and like to argue?  :)  Keeps the mind sharp.  No Alzheimer's for me!

  We have this in common, I love a good argument. This one just dosnt interest me that much.

  SG

• one_wired_kitty said on Jan 15, 2008....

  I must say that I agree with SG on this matter. Infidelity is the exact reason my marriage went to shit. He swore on the day we got married to FORSAKE ALL OTHERS .. meant nothing to him, apparantly, when he left me for a coworker.

• silverwhisper said on Jan 15, 2008....

  nonsense. an open relationship means that both parties know what's going on and agree to it. apples: oranges, 1WK.
  
  ed

• one_wired_kitty said on Jan 15, 2008....

  Not to me, ed. As far as I'm concerned - infidelity is infidelity, agreed upon or not.

• silverwhisper said on Jan 15, 2008....

  you appear unable to grasp the concept of an open relationship/marriage, then. no big deal, it isn't for everyone.
  
  ed

• one_wired_kitty said on Jan 20, 2008....

  Agreed that it's not for everyone. I'm entitled to my views ... so are you. Please refrain from assuming what I do and do not grasp. So I don't agree with sleeping around while married ... bdd (big damn deal). Don't bash me for that.

• silverwhisper said on Jan 20, 2008....

  i'm not bashing, 1WK. however, suggesting that an open relationship = sleeping around certainly suggests that you can't contextualize it in other terms.
  
  IOW, lest i'm being obscure: you described it w/ pejorative language. so if you don't want to be criticized, i suggest not criticizing in the first place.
  
  ed

• dakota27 said on Aug 21, 2008....

  For me, this would be the perfect marraige.  I would only need to be with this special type of mate.  If she would enjoy outside sex, I would be in heaven.  I would like her to let me know her encounters and describe them in detail.  I would love the anticipation of an upcoming date. 
  Calling me on the phone and letting me know she is on her way, during the time with another man or afterwards.........
  I could watch.....or just let her be private....It would all work for me...........I would love to make love with her when I know she just had sex with someone.......
  Are there any woman out there that would enjoy this type of relationship?????

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