I got the call today that my transfer will be tomorrow. The report on my two embabies: 1 is a 4 cell Grade A-, which is pretty good. The other is a 1 cell Grade C-. So, they want to transfer the one.
I know that it only takes one and there is research out there showing that implantation rates are higher with single embryo transfers. I know that I got pregnant four times on my own and had healthy children.
Maybe, I am just preparing for the worst. Like going in tomorrow and finding out the last one is gone. Or waiting two weeks and seeing that negative test.
It is really hard to stay positive when in your mind you expected a miracle all along the way. You expected to respond to the stimulation drugs. You expected to have lots of follicles growing on your ovaries. You expected that they would retrieve more eggs. You prayed that the ones they got would fertilize and you prayed they would divide and thrive. When none of those things have gone the way you expected...its hard to believe the rest will either.
I am just tired. I am injecting myself with a 22 gauge 1 1/2 inch needle deep into the muscle tissue of my butt on a daily basis. It is filled with progesterone to prepare my lining for this embryo to embed and call it home. Both cheeks are bruised and sore to sit on and I wonder how they will be in two weeks. How will I be?
I almost feel like just giving up but, I know that I couldn't live with myself if I didn't see this thru. We have discussed this being our last option..final chance. I am having a hard time letting it go.
I feel angry and self-destructive today. I just want to come unglued.
