Just over two weeks ago I found out I was pregnant, I was worried but quite excited at the same time. I knew becoming pregnant in this situation was not for the best but I thought 'O Wow, am pregnant'.

Now to explain the problems with being pregnant (for me, its not a problem, but that another story with the father).

I have been sleeping with this guy for the last four months, well a friend, actually i thought we were friends but not anymore. The thing is he approach me first, which before anything happened I told him I was seeing someone but we do have an open relationship, due to the fact that he lives in another country at this moment. He did not seem bother by this, so I never press it, than after speaking on that level for a few days I thought I ask if he is still with his girl, he said yes. I admit after that I did not ask any questions because I thought it was none of my business. We started aleeping together in March, the sex was good and I enjoy the hassle free sexual encounters that came with it (stupid, like always). Things seem cool, I had no issues I was happy, well has happy as I can get.

One Monday night when we had sex, there was a accident, which was not the best time for an accident, it was one more week before my period arrived. I do not much like when it comes but am grateful when its here. The next morning I went to the chemist and brought a morning after pill to take, so it wasn't even 24hrs after the event, I much admit inside I knew I was pregnant. he on the other hand acted as if no accident happned, it was the first time I really saw his true colours. I waited a nine days and after my period had not come I took a pregnancy test to see, and of course it confirm all my worries. I knew that having a baby with someone that is not really the person I thought he was or the fact that we are not together would not be easy, but I could not think of aborting this child. When I was younger I became pregnant, and on the advise of friends and my mom I had a abortion, which I regret to this day and always told myself I would never do that again. I mean to this day I feel guilty and I feel like such a murderer at times that it hurts so badly. I called him and told him, he made a excuse of having to go to his sister, which is in the country and he won't be able to see me until Monday, this is friday I told him; me being me, i said okay, do whatheva and come and talk to me when you are finished. I never saw him until the Tuesday and I kind of knew what was going to be said.

He explained that he did not want to runin his relationship amd what not, I was like, cool, I understand and I explain my position, of how I could not abort because I did not think I could bring myslef back froma second abortion, I have already tried to kill myself the year before, because of that and other issues that I could not cope with and thought I would be better off dead. He listen to me and agree that he would stand by me, I was shocked but very grateful for that; because I was willing to do this on my own without no hurt feelings, cos thats me.

But the very next day when I got to work he left such a nasty text message that I could to reread it to make sure I heard right. I thought me I was ignorant and selfish and was disrespecting him and his girl by having this baby. He told me that I should abort cause he does not want it. Oh the pain that when through my soul was unbearable, but I took all my strength to text back that he could walk away and never come not, but am not having a abortion. I got more abusive text saying that I nust have planned this from the beginning and that to have this baby without his permission is criminal. And thats his attitude, instead of leaving me alone (well except for the last week) he texts to tell me to abort and cusses me that I trapped him.

Right now am so broken and worn that I feel spiritually and emotionally ill, but I know that I have to be the strongest I have ever been in my life to get on. I know am not financially stable but I know by God's mercy and grace and can make it; it just hurts that I gave him a chance to leave and let his life continue that way, but just scare that it would come back and bite him; but what this prick does not get, is that my family would be there and this child won't need him.

I was one of those child that father never cared for and was never there for, and to this day i do not hate him, I think my mother hates him more than me. She never told me nothing bad about him, all she use to say is as you get older you will understand. And I did, my dad was worthless and I was not the only child that he ran from, but because of my mom, her sisters, brothers and other relations, I was able to to carry on.

 

My questions is to everyone, do you think am being selfish, ignorant and disrespectful for having this child even though the father does not want it, I don't think so, but the way everyone is acting I feel as if i am the only one excited that am pregnant and looking forward to having this baby.