I do not always tell the truth. There are times when it is just not the right thing to do. I was at comic con this sunday... no I am not into that geekdom... but honey is he loves it. I hate big crowds. I get chest pains and begin to sweat. I had asked him early on please stay close this is really bad for me. And he did for about an hour then he would just wonder when something caught his eye. Panic would set in. After about 3 hours of this I was a little miffed. He says to me all calmly, whats wrong. Are you kidding me. So I think to myself do I really want to have a full blown disscussion on my panic attacks on the exhibit hall floor on the last day of comic con. No not really. So I say that pat response... Nothing. Now he knows like all men doknow that nothing means there is something really wrong. But he really wants to finish seeing all there is to see so he says okay and we keep it moving. Later in the car he asked again whats wrong. by now I was out of that dam place and I was fine. So I told the truth this time and said Nothing I feel better now. And this truth caused me to have to sit in the parking lot of the old town trolley station for one hour because I did not know how to tell the truth. Im just a big fat liar and cant tell the truth when asked a simple question. If I had only listened more closely to mom when she told me to always tell the truth.
Comments
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andora said on Jul 29, 2008....
at least you are not in denial of being a liar like the rest of the world.
panic attacks are a result of living a lie and forcing ourselves to deny that the world is also living a lie.
panic attacks come from intuitively knowing that you are part of a group that is self-destructive while actively trying to have fun as they deny the truth of their reality...entertainment is devised to help us ignore that we have built the titanic...dressed in our finery...acting as if we are clever...while those in the bottom of the boat get locked in the swamping levels because they are less than...those above walk down to the lower levels and ask "what's the matta yu?"
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namyogrl said on Jul 30, 2008....
Andora, thanks for stopping by. You pose some interesting thoughts... I feel like my panic attacks are a combination of fear of the unknown and will all these people see the real me. I have worked really hard to keep me private and safe. I will let you in when I feel like it. Hope to see you around some more. -
silverwhisper said on Jul 31, 2008....
namyogrl, it's been a long time since i've seen you! i'm utterly astounded that your bf didn't understand about your panic attacks & anxiety about crowds. yeesh...
did you two talk about it afterwards?
ed -
andora said on Jul 31, 2008....
namyogrl, thanks for the hospitality
the sub-conscious mind also has issues...the reason it is referred to as the sub-conscious mind is because the consciousness does not typically have access to it. which would explain the way you sound like you are kind of guessing when you attempt to analyze the reason for the disturbance.
As far as your friends response: why is it that we want others to understand us more than we ourselves actually understand our needs/wants etc...as ed suggested, in his question about whether or not you had discussed these issues previously, communication is key.
I had panic attacks the whole time I was raising my children and assumed my partner was the problem, I ditched him and still had attacks...It wasn't until I became self-sufficient upon the land and therefore truly independent from the insanity of a society that shits in its own water supply that I began to breath differently because I was grounded...so to speak:}. Sounds like extreme measures, but I have paid very close attention to the sub-conscious mind and feel as though I now understand why we are split in this way. refer to pangasm.org for an in depth explanation of these splits. Drugging them away just postpones the inevitable, in my not so humble opinion.
I wish you well and I pray you have deep purple intimacy within the arms of love soon, and forever... aloha
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