New to this and I am just reaching out.  Maybe someone can shed some light on this situation, and help me clear my head.  I am bisexual and met a woman on a tropical island last year who blew my mind.  We were together in a feisty, fun-loving, experimental relationship for 6 months before she left for more schooling and career advancement.  I let her go, knowing she needed to experience life more (I am 11 years older) and we both got involved in muli-partner relationships where we were the girlfriend to a couple.  As this was not my first experience, we were open and shared stories and everything with each other.  It has been 12 months since we were together, face to face.  We have remained in close contact, but not just casual friends.  I have professed my love for her, and she told me to keep my emotions to myself.  She uses abusive language and name calling that I do not agree to (we have not set any boundaries, admittedly) and spins stories to make me jealous, admitting that she reads me like a book and can predict my very next move.  It reminds me of growing up with 4 brothers and hearing my mother say "don't let them push your button"  I always wondered where that button was to protect myself...

 

I love to please her, have cut my hair short and lost weight in a light-hearted competition that gives me confidence to join endurance sports again.  My friends and family cannot understand why I hold onto a relationship that is so abusive and causes self-loathing as they see it.  Our sexual chemistry is mind-blowing, but it was sparked from the start and hasn't been brought up at all for many months as we have just been in this wierd cyber relation of chats/IM/text and phone calls where we don't talk about a future existence.

 

Aaaaarrrgh I am frustrated tonight, our last chat was her telling me I have no game and am getting too old, and that she is/was the best thing I've ever had., even though I look and feel amazing after a summer of hard work.  I will see her in 6 days and I want to either slam the door in her abusive face, or face her and relish in how I suit her needs and desires, and take pleasure in the frenzy we slowly create...if that makes sense?  I am confused and scared, not sure if this is what I want now, after dragging it for a year?  Any suggestions out there?  I have really enjoyed reading the posted blogs, a very intelligent, responsible, respectful and supportive community.  Thank you!