Ted Spiker, the writer of this article says, "I'm not the only man who wishes his body looked more like Michael Jordan and less like a vat of pudding." A recent survey shows 18% are happy enough with their bodies that they wouldn't change them. While women are still number one, they don't have a monopoly on stressing over looks.
Men have more body angst than you realize "...but we'll never have a serious conversation with you about it. Look at the standards we have to measure up to: If we're fat, we're labeled as beer-guzzling couch potatoes. Too thin and we're deemed wimpy. We can have too little hair on our heads or too much on our backs. And worst of all, we can be too big in the backside of our pants, yet too small in front."
A two-layered problem. First, "A man thinks, not only does it bother me that I'm fat and my hair is thinning. It bothers that it bothers me, because I'm not supposed top feel this way."
Instead we'll joke about our bodies to cover up what we're really feeling - frustration, embarrassment, and anger.
Men worry about their bodies because they are competing for you (women) and against you. We are a visual gender. We like the way you look. A lot. We compare ourselves to other men the way women compare themselves to other women. We want better bodies to improve our position among other men.
Doctors were interviewed who perform penis enlargements and they reported the main reason men undergo the surgery isn't to improve their relationships, but to be more impressive in the locker room.
Our mythical heroes used to have wisdom, experience, and maturity. Now our heroes are baby faced with six-pack abs says Lynne Luciano who has researched body image issues at Calif. State Univ. "The youth movement has been cruel to men. The Cary Grants have fallen through the cracks. Today's ideal is younger, buffer, more muscular. So men, like women are swimming against the current. That might explain why from 1997 to 2001, the number of men who had cosmetic surgery increased 256%."
For men, poor body image can lead to anger, depression, sexual disfunction, and steriod abuse. Eating disorders or muscle dysmorphia (bulk up) affects one million men.
What about me, little old beyond? I gave up trying to look like a young Greek God long ago.
Its too much work and I didn't have problems finding girls who were satisfied with the average American guy look. What's wrong with that, after all?
beyondtheveil posted on Jul 28, 2008
| views: 225
Comments
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MissMimi said on Jul 28, 2008....
I've always been more attracted to "average guys" than pin-up boys that are waxed and sculpted to within an inch of their lives. I like the looks of men my age. There is so much more to what is appealing than six-pack abs.
Having said that, I sympathize with the embarrassment and frustration that some men feel. Every time I look in the mirror, I feel those exact things. Ah well, I tell myself that what's inside is much more important, and deep down I really do believe that, but it sure doesn't stop me from wishing for outer beauty too.
Very thought provoking, beyond.
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quietone said on Jul 28, 2008....
I happen to like that average american guy look... the honest look, the "real person" look..... but I can't lie totally.. I do like a nice butt .. ha!! I wonder what would happen if a random bunch of people were put into a room with blindfolds on unable to touch one another and just had to go on instinct and coverasation what would happen..... who woud be "in" then??? -
MissMimi said on Jul 28, 2008....
ooh, what an interesting idea, quilty. I like it! -
uniquely-ironic said on Jul 28, 2008....
I admit that I like to look at pretty men, but when it comes to having a relationship I could care less if they "measure up" to some abstract ideal. In fact, I'd be really freaked out if someone with that kind of body was interested in me. The pressure to compete with other women to keep his attention would be crushing and I would no doubt want out for just that reason.
I like average looking people. They are more interesting to look at in the long run.
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beyondtheveil said on Jul 28, 2008....
mimi- I've looked in the mirror many times also and wondered, what if I had 'this' or this looked like 'that'. But I found out quickly there wasn't much reason to dwell on it. Its dwelling on it and making people very unhappy with themselves that the problems exist.
quiet- I agree with mimi, that's a very interesting situation you bring up. I suspect there would be some surprised people when they found who they 'chose'. In fact, I'd like to do that sometime just to see the results.
unique- Oh, how true is that? I've thought about being married to a Cindy Crawford and how I'd react, the pressure of different kinds. There's no doubt I'm more comfortable with average people too.
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skald said on Jul 28, 2008....
Nothing wrong with being average American guy or average guy from any other nation. Good for you. I bet you look great anyway,. -
woman said on Jul 28, 2008....
Being comfortable with our bodies seems to be an issue for all of us. (Thanks for a male perspective. ) I think the media makes it more and more difficult for us to accept our flaws, whether we are a teenager or much further along in our journey. -
curmudgeon said on Jul 28, 2008....
It is indeed frustrating how a negative body image - especially one developed during one's teenage years - can echo as a negative self-image later on. And you're right on that some guys will make fun of themselves in order to deflect the jokes they think will soon be headed their way.Granted, while developing obsessions with attaining the ripped body is unhealthy, it's equally unhealthy if obesity or severely overweight becomes the average in society. That means, of course, that it will be "average" for folks to have entirely preventable coronary problems.I just wish we could forget about the "image" and focus more on the "action!" Do we eat the right foods in the right amounts for our needs? Do we get sufficient rest? Do we exercise daily?If we all just do these three things every day, we will feel and look better within a matter of months, and this is at every age. -
polarheart said on Jul 28, 2008....
Beyond, I really like your topic. I happen to like the average guy look too :-) If I were single and a guy that looked like he just stepped out of a magazine showed and interested in me I would probably never end up getting naked with him. LOL! My body is far from what I would like it to be. Yes, I have lost lots of weight, but there's still plenty flabby and dented bits. . .plus my boobs have shrunk (much to my dismay). . .so if i could just be an average girl with an average guy, that's perfect :-) -
beyondtheveil said on Jul 28, 2008....
skald- The best thing I had going for me was I never had to worry about anything like weight. I could eat as much of anything I wanted to. But...its not that way anymore. When I passed 50, things changed. I've got to watch weight.
woman- You're right. The media and it's advertising has such an impact. Your welcome for the male perspective. I found this interesting also.
curmudgeon- Healthy living would definitely go a long way for self image. We've all seen the statistics for obesity in this country. Just 'feeling better' alone makes for a happier person about themselves.
polar- Pardon if I don't see you as flabby, dented, with shrunken boobs. You look very good, dear girl. But I'm with you on the average girl with the average guy. Its worked quite well for a long time, I think.
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kelly said on Jul 28, 2008....
"I wonder what would happen if a random bunch of people were put into a room with blindfolds on unable to touch one another and just had to go on instinct and coverasation what would happen..... who woud be "in" then???"That's called blogging. -
RollingC said on Jul 28, 2008....
I like the idea of being in a roomful of men and women, everybody blindfolded, and then you have to feeeel your way across the room.I wonder how much trouble we could all get into?;^ pRc -
quietone said on Jul 28, 2008....
kelly ~ yup I thought of that after I wrote what I said! But still would be very interesting in person! Its easy to hide here, but eventually in person the blindfolds would come off. some of us have taken them off here too. -
scipio said on Jul 29, 2008....
Glad to know that all the females on this SC like average looking men.It is what is inside that is more important. the radiance will automatically reflect on your outside. -
beltrix said on Jul 29, 2008....
i like chubby men! like cuddly men who have somthing you can hold on to :) x -
queenparanoia said on Jul 29, 2008....
men... women... we all suffer with the idea of what beauty is... it can't never stop isnt it... for me beaty is confidence... nothing more attractive than being yourself and being proud of it whatever size it might be.... =) -
soul4life said on Jul 29, 2008....
It all has to be do with a guy's self esteem for me...even they don't have a six pack, their hair is thinning, etc if they have confidence then that's hot. -
beyondtheveil said on Jul 29, 2008....
kelly- Now there's a point I didn't think of.
rolling- There could be some misplaced hands, but I'd still like to do it.
scipio- I kind of thought the sc women would like average. In their writings, they usually do go for what's inside.
beltrix- There's beauty in everything. What makes people feel good differs. Chubby women can easily be desirable too.
queenie- Confidence is good. they don't have to stand in front of a mirror and be stressed out.
soul- Another vote for self esteem. I know many people with good self esteem. They seem happy, comfortable in all situations.
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silverwhisper said on Jul 29, 2008....
in all honesty, i'm somewhat tall and of lean build. it's taken me a long time but i finally do understand that when my wife looks at me and finds me attractive, it isn't just love having that impact on her.
this is a hard thing i think for most men to understand.
ed -
beyondtheveil said on Jul 30, 2008....
Ed- I'm tall and was lean the vast portion of my life, but the last few years have had an impact. I'm not obese, but dissatisfied when looking in the mirror. I should probably shed a few. -
silverwhisper said on Aug 01, 2008....
well, a healthy self-image is most relevantly impacted by steps we can take to address any perceived issues. i think that if you have a mind to, you could do something good for yourself. it's summer, so you should have access to a poll of some kind, and swiming is one of the all-time best low-impact forms of exercise, IIRC.
out of curiosity, what are your perceived issues, beyond?
ed -
beyondtheveil said on Aug 03, 2008....
Ed- I think my physical issue is primarily the tummy I seem so intent to build. I've gone into a large size shirt for the first time in my life. With our mild climate, outside exercise is no problem. Doctors say walking is the best form of exercise, so I'm seriously looking at forty-five minutes a day walking. I know Molly would be happy to go with me, so I'll have a partner. -
silverwhisper said on Aug 04, 2008....
i think that's great, beyond: you can improve your health and spend some time with the mrs. what could be better? :>
ed
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