i don't know what it was saturday morning...maybe it's because the day started off on the wrong foot when i inadvertently woke the mrs an hour earlier than necessary. or perhaps it's that the weather's been crummy. or maybe it's like those periodic silences in a conversation that are supposed to happen every 11 minutes (?). i don't know what it was or why: all i know is that saturday, the mrs and i couldn't seem to communicate in any way without the other getting pissed off, over largely innocuous things.
we were getting up early and heading off to visit my parents, stay with my grandmother for the day, then spend the night there and head to her parents' house for my mother's-in-law retirement party.
(don't get me wrong, i love my folks, i even love her folks, but losing my entire weekend for family when it feels like pretty much my entire summer's been devoted to family or sometimes friends is a bit trying. i'm looking forward to this weekend, as we have no obligations and will steadfastly keep it that way.)
anyway: so the day starts off badly, and the mrs sets about baking some bread for which a dear friend was kind enough to send starter. that goes relatively smoothly and in a fit of productive insight, i pack the overnight bag and otherwise make myself useful. we have a little breakfast, clean the kitchen & run the dishwasher, make sure the cat's got food & water through sunday evening, and we're off.
owing to a communication problem, we arrive about 45 mins later than my mother wanted us to arrive, so the bad continues there. my grandmother's not having a good day and at various points doesn't recognize my wife or who she is. i run out on an errand that my father set for me (honestly, who needs 6 frigging bags of water softening salt?!), i talk briefly with grandma (the mrs can't as grandma has almost no english skills) when i can, and otherwise, it's a relatively placid day.
so i figure, "woo-hoo! the bad is gone!"
and that's when i learned just how stupid i can be sometimes. :>
my parents returned fully 2 hours earlier than we expected them. we'd finished cleaning the kitchen & putting things away. my mother observes that now that they're back, if we want, the mrs and i can go out.
having been bored for much of the day--since talking with grandma is sadly very frustrating the majority of the time--we decide to go out to a local bookstore.
now, i've been working on a plan to cut down on my smoking: i'm cutting my intake to half what it had been (to 5-6/day). once i'm stable at that point, i'm going to reduce it 1, and so on. i've been good about not smoking in the car since monday and honestly, i don't really miss it when driving anymore.
so we arrive at the bookstore and because of how frustrating the day's been, i tell her i'm having one more cigarette.
now, i understand she's been frustrated about my lack of progress at reducing my smoking. and i understand that she's disappointed b/c up until that point, i'd only had 4 on the day. and it had been going well up until that point.
so she objected. no, not objected--registered her disappointment. completely understandable, really.
but with the way the day'd been going and that we'd been barely communication outside of essential stuff (like what to do for dinner, etc), i just couldn't let that roll off my back.
yeah, it wasn't exactly one of my better moments.
it never ceases to amaze me how, when we're no longer in the situation, the right course of action is a whole lot more obvious. "hindsight is 20/20", though, isn't it?
we did eventually make up but it took over 90 minutes of losing ourselves in the bookstore to be able to talk.
the funny thing in all of this is that we rarely fight. if we have one/year, it's unusual. and this one was just a function of our being tired & cranky, i think.
sunday, incidentally, turned out to be a much better day. :>
ed
silverwhisper posted on Jul 28, 2008
| views: 211
Comments
-
fearing said on Jul 28, 2008....
Ed, I've found that for whatever reason sometimes our relationships are just a bit off. Nothing has to be wrong - but it's like what you've described where there will be a day in which we can't help but tick the other off constantly. Most men blame it on PMS (ha ha). Who knows. I'm glad you get along with your wife so much that you rarely fight and when you do, you find a way to work it out.
What's up with silence every 11 minutes? Now I'll be watching the clock. If its just me and Sweety alone, we are probably laughing through the 11 minutes of silence. ;-)
-
queenparanoia said on Jul 28, 2008....
dude really? you guys dont fight at all??? your mrs. is very lucky... ;-) -
Mamie said on Jul 28, 2008....
hey there, funny, I do the same thing as you....count the darn things. It is my big FU to cancer, really...and now that I don't seem to need to say* that, I am down to 4....but who's counting? well, actually I am!glad your sunday worked out. Yea, it happens...no biggie. -
nytquill17 said on Jul 28, 2008....
It happens to us too. Usually it's like that, a long string of little things until finally one or the other of us has had enough. "Oh, you wanna complain about THAT do ya?"
It's a normal part of interacting with another human being I think. Sometimes we all can rub someone the wrong way, no matter what our relationship. It's healthy to disagree sometimes :)
DH and I don't really fight anymore either. Which is not to say we don't get mad at each other or that we suffer in silence when we do. But we've gotten to where we express our feelings, apologize or make it up, and move on. It's like a Florida rainstorm, a bit volatile when it hits, but over in a matter of minutes, and within half an hour you'd never know it even happened.
I'm glad your weekend got better :D
-
beyondtheveil said on Jul 28, 2008....
My wife and I have never fought either, but we have those days occasionally. I think what usually causes it is something that has happened or pent up feelings we don't recognize. For instance, in your case, perhaps neither of you wanted to go to parents house in the first place. You mentioned having that on your mind.
If two people get up not exactly in tune with the world, then have to do things they don't really want to, its a perfect mixture for not having a lovey-dovey day.
-
the_infernal_optimist said on Jul 28, 2008....
Nyt, we're much the same as you guys, it seems. I like the Florida rainstorm analogy.
ed, I'm glad Sunday was much better than Saturday. :) Sometimes you just have to get it out and move on after a lot of little things build up like that.
((hugs))
~Infernal
-
uniquely-ironic said on Jul 28, 2008....
I can see how family obligations and other new stresses (new job) can wear down even a couple who rarely argues. I don't know how you lasted this long. At least now you can look back and see how silly it was. Good luck on cutting down on the smoking. -
RollingC said on Jul 28, 2008....
Relationships are very tricky and complicated at times and yes...sometimes it's better just to shut up and take it. Specially if you think it's going downhill from that point on but really...I'd worry more about making up and moving on.You're extremely lucky as some people...take my uncle for instance...or my wife....thrive on arguing/discussing their point until the next Ice Age. They think it's fun and that's what people do to have a dialogue going.Outside stresses have a lot to do with moody behavior at home and it takes a watchful eye to look out and not fall into those traps.Rc -
woman said on Jul 28, 2008....
To be able to say that you and your wife do not fight often, is enviable. It sounds like this was about the stress of family and not really about a problem between the two of you. Nice to hear Sunday was better for both of you. -
silverwhisper said on Jul 29, 2008....
fearing: we've had off days but almost never like saturday was--it was downright weird! and yeah, i don't know what that 11 minute lull's about. and how do people come up with that figure? do they eavesdrop on conversations or something?!
sis: almost never, no. but we usually work very hard at understanding first, reacting second. and frankly, i think i'm the lucky one. :>
mamie: hey there! i wasn't aware that you're a smoker--i guess i simply assumed! congrats on your progress, though, that's great--when you were still smoking heavily, what were you up to?
nyt: yeah, there's a certain tit for tat-ness sometimes, isn't there? see, we generally handle disagreements like you and mr. nyt do--i don't want to create the image that everything's a bed of roses, you know? and yeah, i'm glad it got better, too!
beyond: well-said, as ever, sir. :>
infernal: you know, never having spent any real time in FL, i can't gauge the accuracy of the metaphor for my part but the idea's clear enough. :>
u-i: thanks, i'm working on it but it isn't easy! and yeah, i find so much stuff that bothers me in the moment is stuff that's just laughter-fodder down the road, you know?
rollingc: heh...i'm a contrarian by nature, myself, so i can argue--and those who know me from other places know that well--but yeah, at some point you just gotta stick a fork in it cuz it's done!
woman: well, i should point out that the absence of fighting does not necessarily mean peace, either--it happens to in this instance, thankfully. and yeah, it was largely outside factors. thank you. :>
ed -
scipio said on Jul 29, 2008....
Sometimes a little spat or silence in marriage is necessary to fine tune the relationship. -
CreativeWoman said on Jul 29, 2008....
I'm glad your Sunday was better, Ed. I also am a little envious about how you and the Mrs. get along so well.
I like what scipio said about fine tuning a relationship though.
CW
-
silverwhisper said on Jul 31, 2008....
scipio: true, very true. :>
CW: well, we've been together for a long time now, and i should point out we're kinda co-dependent sometimes, so i don't want to paint my relationship as "everything is always perfect". relationships take work, and we both (usually) want to put in that work. :> it just gets difficult, like most relationships do, when we aren't both doing that. :>
ed
Comment on "sometimes wisdom is holding your tongue"
Related Posts:
MsBradford07
posted 6 days ago
| views: 58
|
I was talking to a friend and she asked what is means to be in a relationship today. She had this same discussion with a male friend of hers. What he said in a nutshell was that today people get into relationships for selfish reasons. One may want a rela... read entire post
WithoutShade
posted 3 days ago
| views: 39
|
I dedicate these words to poetzsoul, in hopes that her next 25 years are motivating.... read entire post
lifestyle1
posted 6 days ago
| views: 21
|
Love is in the air when it comes to programming on television, articles in the magazines that we read, and the radio shows that we listen to; it seems that everywhere we turn talk is focused on ill... read entire post