• polarheart said on Jul 27, 2008....

  My dear friend, just hold your horses and stop being so hard on yourself.  Ok, you didn't do what you intended, but its not the end of the world.  Sometimes we win the war one battle at a time and remember timing is everything.  Perhaps if you had gone the hard route this time you would not have had D for the weekend. . .and how great is that??!!  that you had him there!!!  with you!!! 
   
  Just keep a watch on things, dear Quietone, and always keep thinking one step ahead just as you have been.  I am sure there will come a time when you will lay all the cards on the table, but perhaps you need to find full calm and resolve within yourself first knowing that you will not be over-emotional when that time comes.  Does that make any sense?
   
  I love you so much and I just want you to be happy!! Ever considered moving to the UK?? LOL!
   
  Love Polar

• wombat said on Jul 27, 2008....

  Polar put all that so well, I couldn't top that.  Just know that I think you have been very strong through all this crap she has put you through, and I know you are doing the best you can to deal with something you don't deserve.  I am sure when the time is right, some of these feelings will be expressed in the right way and maybe she will finally wake up and smell the coffee.  I hope so, for your sake and for the kids involved.  Hang in there, my friend.
   
  {{{{{{love and hugs}}}}
  wombat

• secretlife said on Jul 27, 2008....

  well, you may not want anything to do with your daughter, but it's very clear you want to keep contact with and get to know your grandsons.
   
  so there's really no point "telling" your daughter anything-  at least not how i see it.  all that will do is piss her off and she'll have a tantrum and you'll not be allowed time with the kids-
  if it were me, i'd put aside all of that "stuff" and concentrate on just those kids- 
  you can still say "no" to her and lending or giving her money.  you cannot control how she reacts to this-  but you can stick to your guns on that-  and there are ways, as you've clerverly thought up abot karate, that will allow you to give money that gets TO the kids......these will be the negotiation points that i'm sure will work with your daughter.

• quietone said on Jul 27, 2008....

  polardoodle ~ thanks friend. ha, if I moved to the UK I would stick out too much... with no accent.  {{{{{{hugs}}}}} And yes, the important thing above all are the kids and being able to see them and making sure they are okay.
   
  wombie ~ I am afraid she will never wake up to the coffee.  She is the way she is.  I will try.  I hate feeling like this about her, but she went too far the last time.
   
  secret ~ you are right,  if I "tell" her anything it would piss her right off because she does nothing wrong in her eyes.  I guess one is right on "picking ones battles".  I will try to keep that approach.  Thank you.

• idesire2 said on Jul 27, 2008....

  it's great you get to see the gkids.....our kids don't understand how much their kids mean to us......or maybe they do and try to use it for what they want...... maybe when she gets older she'll mellow......it's hard to know what to say...... but that is a good idea to pay for the lessons yourself.......

  that's what my sister does....

  id

• quietone said on Jul 27, 2008....

  idesire2 ~ ha, when she gets much older and she has to live through what her kids put her through... THEN she will see and understand.  Until then, she is blind to it all.  Thanks and welcome to my blog idesire.

• idesire2 said on Jul 27, 2008....

  thank you

  only now do i understand a little of what my own mother went through with 9 kids.....i wish she wanted to see her gkids as much as you do......

  id

• woman said on Jul 27, 2008....

  I agree with Secret that saying anything would not be wise. As a grandmother I totally understand the fine line we walk. We so love our grandchildren and want the best for them. I know that I feel badly and am upset when mine are not treated as I think they should be-maybe even more so when my child makes mistakes similiar to my own. I am glad to hear that you were able to have your grandson over. He is lucky to have you looking out for him. Just enjoy.

• quietone said on Jul 27, 2008....

  idesire ~ my gkids are my whole world to me.  they are 9 and 5.  how bout you? your mom is missing out on such a precious gift.

• queenparanoia said on Jul 27, 2008....

  {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

  sorry i dont have anything to say right now but rest assure that i'm here for you...

• skald said on Jul 28, 2008....

  You have not done anything wrong my friend and I know this is exactly the way I would react too so I´m not the best one to tell you what to do. I have heard theories with a word that I don't know in English, like that we are co active with our children that are like this. I don't know. I once phoned on behalf of my son for his girl friend and was told not to be so damn co active like they call it here.
  
  
  Take it easy my friend and try to enjoy life. I am glad you got to have your grandson last week end and have some fun. Enjoy his company as much as you can and let's hope she will let you. ((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))) My heart goes out for you. I know how you feel and you are way to nice having to put up with this all the time.
  

• quietone said on Jul 28, 2008....

  queenie ~ awe thank you {{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}} back.  I did have a good day with "D" and that is all that matters right now.

  skald ~ I don't know what the english word is you were looking for, but I guess as long as I get to see the kids, the rest will be on "hold" for now.  Thank you my friend.

• uniquely-ironic said on Jul 28, 2008....

  I don't think much would be accomplished if you talked to your daughter about her immature behavior.  If there's no need to interact with her, great!  If she behaves or speaks to you in a rude or inappropriate way I'd just shut her out for awhile.  People tend to rethink their behavior when it doesn't get them the attention they thought it would.

• quietone said on Jul 28, 2008....

  Uniquely ~ I am beginning to look at it the same way.  I know it would do no good to talk to her like an adult for sure.. probably only cause more trouble.  Yes, I think that is what she did to this time... rethink what she had done and said.  Thanks. :)

• silverwhisper said on Jul 29, 2008....

  i think the heart of it is that you simply don't feel comfortable being you, quietone.
  
  ed

• quietone said on Jul 29, 2008....

  ed ~ I think the heart of it is that the daughter is a psycho with some terrible anger problems.  I feel very comfortable being me.....I have been me for quite some time now -  who else would I want to be???? I am just very tired of dealing with this person.  20 years of crap is more than enough. 

• silverwhisper said on Aug 01, 2008....

  fair enough: i can't claim any special insights, esp WRT parenting. sorry, quietone. :<
  
  ed

Comment on "Any Advice?"

Currently tagged	grandkids life family you did it right (Click to add tags below)
Tag this post	(Separate tags using commas, for example: New York, dating, vegetarian)
Your comment