• botoni said on Jul 27, 2008....

  Gossip in a small community is almost like a form of entertainment.  Everybody knows everything about you and everything you do.  Sometimes even before you know yourself.....lol.

  I've found a solution that works for me.  When the grapevine is really going fast and I'm the topic I just drop a few nuggets for the folks who love it most.  Usually I'm able to throw in enough that the story becomes totally preposterous.  Laugh them off and remain aloof is my solution.

• beyondtheveil said on Jul 27, 2008....

  cw- My first thoughts on gossip is, it will always be there and there is nothing we can do to stop it. They will never get the stories 'right' and I don't believe they care if they are right or not. Their point is simply the enjoyment of talking about other people. Among those gossipers, remember you aren't the only one they talk about. You are one of many.
  
  Dwelling on it will only take you deeper, trust everyone less, make your life less than what it should be. Its not worth it. They aren't worth it. 
  
  You are worth it. Make up your mind to put it aside. Their words are cheap and mean nothing in the scheme of things. If you dwell on it, they have you where they want you.
  

• queenparanoia said on Jul 27, 2008....

  well i like to gossip if it's a celebrity...i'm a gossiper but not to the extent that it will hurt someone feelings. ive been a vicitm though... it hurts but the i realize can their untruthful words hurt me? do i care what they think? so i just let it go and move on... ;-)

• uniquely-ironic said on Jul 27, 2008....

  I've been the hit and run victim of a lot of gossip and it put me on the edge of insanity.  (during my divorce)  When I finally got back to "normal" I decided to just ignore what I cannot change.  I still get weird looks from people when I attend a function in the little town I lived in.
   
  I try not to be involved in gossip, especially at work.  I think it only weakens your position at work.  Making you more of a liability than an asset.

• Alyss said on Jul 27, 2008....

  CW you sound much like me. I keep myself to myself and don't engage in that sort of thing as I know personally how harmful it can be.

• quietone said on Jul 27, 2008....

  gossip is terrible in any public place whether its work or just a day out.. like you said.. someone sees you alone.. and off they fly!  I hate gossip and I try to avoid it as much as possible.  I try to tell people its none of my business and I don't really care. I think over the last few years they have gotten the hint and leave me out of it..... I am glad, but at the same time (human nature) I wanna know.. I am getting better though.  I also have been the topic many times.. I let it go and it takes care of itself in time.. and they find someone else to talk about.

• dailyachesandpains said on Jul 27, 2008....

  CW:  I honestly gossip with the two "K's" and it's always about our friend "K" who gossips about herself (yes, it's possible).  The K that gossips about herself is the one in that bad accident last year.  The other "K" is part of the three of us that have known each other since we were 2-3 years old.  We just want to make sure if one hasn't seen her, that the other one has and that she's staying clean of crazy behavior.  HOWEVER, she and I never involve another party into the gossip. We made a deal that we wouldn't ever show concern to others or speak of her to others.  Reason being, a LOT of people in the small town we grew up in, well, they gossip about "K" on their own and we wouldn't ever give them any ammunition to use against her.  We protect her.  BUT, if they're talking, we're listening and we do go and ask unstable "K" about the rumors.
   
  I hope you followed that. 
   
  My Mother always told me that people who gossip only do it because they want what you have, or are envious of where you stand in life.  They want to bring it down, or if they really like you, they'll build you up with good gossip!
   
  {{{{HUGS}}}}
  Daily

• skald said on Jul 27, 2008....

  I don't gossip and therefore I am not very exciting to some. I know that I have been the topic of some people, sometimes. You can feel things like that.
  
  I like to joke and talk about things in general and there are enough people I can talk to. (((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))
  

• evil_twin said on Jul 27, 2008....

  Sometimes I guess I gossip to my best friends. If I hear something interesting about someone else we know, I usually want to talk about it. But I don't know that I consider it 'gossip' because it's not malicious and it's not about anything that the other person wouldn't share themselves. It's just sometimes there are things going on with people and I'm dying to ask someone else, "so what do you think about all this?"
  
  But I don't spread rumors and I would hate to be the victim of that myself. I guess I think of what I do as simply being nosy and curious and interested in discussion, and not gossipy. But that could be a delusion :-P I know people talk about me too, because I give them plenty of fodder for discussion. But usually I know the chatter is due to concern and not because they're trying to hurt me.
  
  -evil_twin LA
  

• Mamie said on Jul 27, 2008....

  I have come to understand what gossip stands for ...for some people. Meaning, for some it is a way of having a say or control over how they think things are or should be.

  Yes I have been a victim of it...and I found that the people told a story about me, repeated it over and over and over to whomever would listen....people that I thought knew better did believe it, and I was very hurt. But I got over it.

  I used to want to explain it to the people who were bambuzzled...now I just figure they will get it when they get it. and if they never get it, I don't want them for friends anyway. I have weeded that garden and the weeds are gone!

• Eilan said on Jul 27, 2008....

  I like to gossip, but I won't spread malicious rumors and half-truths.
  
  Whenever I've been the subject of gossip, it seems that I haven't found out until years afterward.  When my ex-husband and I started dating, for example, he regaled me with all sorts of stories about the supposed sex life I had, starting back in 7th grade.  He didn't believe the rumors.  I found them amusing, though I might not have felt that way when I was a teen.
  

• RollingC said on Jul 27, 2008....

  First let's start with my ignorance....what's sms?
  Second...I don't really gossip but I do hear and sometimes repeat if asked...rumors.  Which I guess amounts to almost the same thing.  I probably have been the target of gossip from time to time but since I'm not really into that I don't know for sure and I also think it's a waste of time to pursue that line of behavior. 
  Unless you're really bored or something....I've never given it much thought actually.
  Rc
  

• notmyintention said on Jul 27, 2008....

  the fear of gossip paralyzes me. when i do something stupid, i hate myself because of what i think people will say about me. then i hole up and hide so i don't have to know whether my assumption is right. given enough time i show my face again. but i usually lie and say i had a sick family member or something.

• woman said on Jul 27, 2008....

  I don't pay much attention to gossip. I don't spread it and I ignore it if it is about me. I don't spread it because it isn't my business. And I ignore it because if people are that desperate for entertainment, have at it! Bottom line is, if someone is sharing gossip WITH you, they will hare gossip ABOUT you.

• fearing said on Jul 27, 2008....

  I'm with you CW - I hate gossip!  I don't like carrying tales or stirring the pot.  And yes, I've been the subject more than a number of times.  Sometimes it makes me angry and sometimes it is just funny if I'm the best they can come up with. 
  
  The worst of it is I live in a small town too.  I'm really good friends with my ex-husband and we sometimes have lunch or breakfast together - in public.  You wouldn't believe the times Sweety (fiance) has heard about this.  I guess people assume something untoward is going on since I'm with my ex.  Never mind we are in public and half the time we have one of the boys with us.  Give me a break!  Why is it that a good relationship with the man I am now divorced from harder to understand than the opposite? 
  

• CreativeWoman said on Jul 27, 2008....

  Thank you all for commenting.  I'll come back soon to make my individual comments.  I'm a little tired this evening.  The heat has worn me down a bit.
  
  CW
  

• LadyGamer said on Jul 27, 2008....

  Ever been a victim of it?
   
  Yes. Frequently. In fact, there is a write up in my work file because there was a rumor that I was "a carpetmuncher" and management wanted me to be aware that I was inappropriate and unacceptable and needed to keep that outside of work.
  
  How did that make you feel?
  
  I was very angry.
   
  
  Do you love hearing juicy rumors about people?
   
  I will admit that I find it interesting to learn about the people around me. Though I don't go digging to find it.
  
  Do you repeat them?
  
  No. I tell people straight out that I won't gossip. Because I don't want them to gossip about me. I think that is why I am the subject so often, to tell you the truth.
  

• CreativeWoman said on Jul 29, 2008....

  botoni,
  I'm glad you can laugh it off.  I find it all very irritating though.
  
  beyond,
  I agree that gossip is meaningless.  Unfortunately, there are those that take it as gospel. I know that I shouldn't let it bother me.
  
  queen,
  In the past, I've cared a little too much about what people think.  I guess we all get trapped in that rumor mill from time to time.
  
  UI,
  I try to ignore it, but I still find it stings.  I'm glad you're able to ignore it so well.
  
  Alyss,
  We are alike.  I don't engage in it at all either.
  
  quietone,
  That's the one thing you can count on about gossip.  Someone will eventually take the spotlight with a juicier story.
  
  Daily,
  Well, I want some of that good kind!  lol
  
  skald,
  I like your way of thinking on the matter.
  
  et,
  Just general "news" type conversation is ok with me.  It's when people think they've got hold of a piece of dirty laundry, real or imagined, that drives me up the wall.
  
  Mamie,
  Hmm.  I think I might need to find myself a weed wacker. 
  
  Eilan,
  The thing about gossip for me is that I never really know what is actually true by the time I hear it.  It usually stops with me because I don't want someone to say "CW said" and it be wrong. 
  
  Rc.
  A SMS is a text message by cell phone.  (I deleted that comment here where that person was promoting that.)
  
  I think you have a good attitude about gossip.
  
  notmyintention,
  I'm sorry that gossip paralyzes you.  I have never hidden because of it.  If someone has the kahunas to actually ask me about something, I will set them straight and ask who told them.  I am stubborn enough to not let it rule me, even though it stings.
  
  woman,
  Those are very true words.
  
  fearing,
  Sometimes I think people in the gossip pod just want to believe the worst in everyone.  Silly.  Don't you think?
  
  <Geesh!  I just started to answer myself.>
  
  LG,
  I believe you could take legal action because of that.  That's completely uncalled for.  That is the type of thing that I find completely ludicrous.  I can only imagine how angry you were.  Do you still work there?
  
  CW

• silverwhisper said on Jul 29, 2008....

  i find gossip is very good at occupying some people's time. i've been the subject of it, i know, and i find it mildly annoying, to be honest.
  
  ed

• CreativeWoman said on Jul 29, 2008....

  Ed,
  Some do spend a lot of time gossiping.  I've just run across a couple of people that I call "fishers for information" lately.  I needed a little space to vent my irritation.
  
  CW
  

• silverwhisper said on Aug 01, 2008....

  this has always been a great place for venting, CW. i'm glad that you do, even if you don't do it often. :>
  
  ed

• CreativeWoman said on Aug 04, 2008....

  Ed,
  I agree it is a good place to vent.  Sometimes I need to release the negativity that wants to build in me.  I'm trying to keep on a happy face...and mean it.  ;-)
  
  CW
  

• silverwhisper said on Aug 06, 2008....

  i don't think there's anybody on SC who could say that you spend your time venting more than you do anything else, FWIW. :>
  
  ed

• CreativeWoman said on Aug 07, 2008....

  Thanks, Ed.  :-)
  
  CW
  

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