As time has gone by I have grown to be a better person. I feel so good about myself after being alone for a year 1/2. I've learned to find myself, enjoy again the things I like, do what I want to do when I please, and go where I want to go when I choose. I have not done much partying and I have not been out "looking for anyone"..... at the contrary.... I've been on a journey to self discovery. Trying to analyze if what I really want is a relationship. I'm a very sexy, intelligent woman with a zest for live, I have alot of ambition and goals that in my life that I want/will accomplish. Being in a relationship will only take time away from me, give me headaches, I dont need that in my life right now, I dont want it, actually.
Sure, sometimes you want to be with someone special, hold her on rainy nights, whisper sweet things to her.... but all in due time. I dont want to rush anything. I never thought that I would feel so good alone, but I actually do... and as I think about it... to begin another relationship now with all that I have going on, work, school, daughter, (law school) so.... you can only balance out so much...
After a year my ex and I got back into communication. We've seen each other (she has a new g/f whom she is living with) She tells me how she is not happy and how she plans on breaking up with her soon. How I'v been the love of her life. I love her too. BUT.... I'm a little confused still after so long how it is that I love her. I believe it's more like a comfort zone for me. I'm 26 she's 42.... She takes care of me and I like that. But when it comes to sex... Im not complety turned on by her and I wish I was.... is there any way to change that? I also have trust issues-which that sucks because as I said I dont have a problem meeting people, I have a very high self esteem, and I consider myself to be very pretty, sexy, and smart. I just think that to really be "happy" all your life with someone is just a fairy tale.... I hope that life proves me wrong sometimes..... any advise?
