it's so hard to ride a bike.

sometimes you have no choice as to who your people are. they sort of fall into your lap and you get trapped into it. you figure out that it was the best thing that could ever happen to you, and you had no idea it was coming. 

vulnerable. i hate being vulnerable. i like how only 2 people really know me. but they don't know me. just enough

i don't get my license until August 8th. 15 days from now. the dmv can suck maaaad d's. trapped trapped trapped. everything happens for a reason. said my hail mary's in the dmv. i ALWAYS say my hail mary's. even when i'm tripping? i don't even consider myself a "christian." i guess i thirst for a solid mother figure, because i'm so scared mine will abandon me. BECAUSE the first time i got in trouble that's exactly what she did, i wasn't even hers anymore. i realized that as i ate half a sandwich for lunch today. they didn't have mixings for salad...what kind of restaurant doesn't have lettuce...? my dad fooooorced me. I want to be in control. control control control

i haven't seen my brother since christmas. DISFUNCTION