Sometimes, I wonder why I even continue to exist.  There is nothing more than this.  Life is pain.  I continuously fail to help the people I try to help.  I can’t even help myself!  I sit back and take what I know I have coming.  I can’t learn to just shut my mouth and deal with it in a calm way.  Instead I push and push until something bad happens.  Maybe somewhere deep down I like the pain.

If someone tells me to shut mymouth or I will get hit, the last thing I am going to do is shut my mouth.  It ismy own fault for putting myself in this situation to begin with.  I thought it was an easy way out of another bad situation.   There are no easy outs though.  the only solution to pain is another kind of pain.