Back in February 2003 when I was teaching in my Singles Sunday School class, I wrote an article based on the Song of Solomon and several books I had been studying on the subject of Godly relationships. I have been meaning to reprint that article for some time now and read it often to remind myself what to lok for and what I as a Christian man need to do or do better to be the kind of husband and leader my wife would desire. I hope you will find this article both beneficial and a challenge to help you make the right decisions and build the right relationships God's way. In His care, Rick.

Love that Lasts a Lifetime - Steps to building Godly Relationships

"My beloved is mine, and I am His" - Song of Solomon 2:16

Everyone desires to truly understand what genuine love is. In His word, God gives us a clear picture of what a Godly courtship should look like. He provides us with a biblical blueprint for understanding if we are really in love and if our courtship is laying sound strong pillars for a concrete and lasting future.
The Song of Solomon, known as 'The Song of Songs" is the greatest love story ever written and it is one that can teach us much about fulfilling pre-marital and marital love. In Chapter one of The Song of Solomon, there are eight steps that can be found to building a lasting, genuine love and help build intimacy in a dating relationship and marriage.

To being this study and learn these steps, we must begin with a firm foundation - We must know the Creator behind human love, Jesus Christ Himself. A house of love begins with the foundation of knowing God and obeying Him. Once we have that foundation set, we can begin to successfully enter the door to intimacy between a man and woman. Here are the 8 steps mentioned in the 'Song of Songs'.

1. Strong physical attraction with careful physical restraint - In Song of Solomon 1:2 we read the words of Solomon's fiancee - "May he kiss me with the kisses of his mouth." It is no accident here that God is recording a clear picture that strong physical desire is part of a healthy relationship. along with that desire coms strong physical restraint. Even though a strong physical attraction exists between King Solomon and his soon-to-be bride, it is not untl their wedding night that the couple fulfills their desires.

2. The man displays a purified Character - Why was Solomon's fiancee's passion and desire so strong for him? Because of his character. In Chapter 1, verses 2-3, she says "your name is like purified oil". To Solomon's bride, being around him is pleasant, like a pleasing fragrance. She sees him as a man of manners and dignity and a man whose character reflects an inner integrity that promotes her passion.

3. Others see value in the one we love (they are respected by others) - The third step toward a house of love is laid out by others. Your friends and family can tell you a lot about the one that you are attracted to. This step is also linked with a woman's appreciation for a man's character. The friends and ladies of King Solomon's court saw Solomon's life and they too were deeply taken by the kind of man he was.

4. The man shows loving leadership and the couple "runs together" (A Biblical balance in our roles) - In Chapter 1, verse 4, Solomon's future bride says to him, "Draw me after you and let us run together". In this step, we can see a clear picture of God's best for a marriage. When Solmon's bride says to him, 'draw me after you', she is asking that her husband take the lead in the relationship. When men fail to take the spiritual lead in their homes, the whole family suffers, as well as our churches, our business and consequently, the whole country.

5. The man seeks to move the one he loves from insecurity to increasing security - .Solomon did something that progressively moved his future bride from cold insecurity to a warm blanket of security in their relationship. He did so by praising her and building up her self worth. As a result of this praise, in Verse 2:16 before their wedding, Solomon's fiancee proclaims "My beloved is mine, and I am his". Here, she is relaxing in his love and even later in their relationship, that security grows even more when she says in Chapter 7, verse 10, "I am my beloved's and his desire is for me". Their is complete trust and security in this marriage bonded by their faithfulness to each other.

6. Praise is commonplace and centered on the other's uniqueness - What caused the shift from insecurity to security in Solomon's bride? One clear reason was found in a simple but powerful practice he mastered - the power of praise. We build love and security by giving praise to the ones we love. Over 40 times in this book, Solomon puts his love into words with statements of praise. He used these words of praise to reinforce her beauty to him and at other times to encourage her character and help her reach her full potential.

7. The one you love is in your thoughts and is someone whom you treasure - OUr thoughts are to ever drift to our loved ones even when they are away. In the Song of Solmon Chapter 1:13-14, Solomon's bride useds a 'word picture' when she refers to their relationship as a sweet fragrance that stays with her all day and night. Whether she wakes in the night or walks about during the day, her thoughts are of her beloved King Solomon.

8. A spiritual oneness - If you're not seeing 'eye-to-eye' spiritually with your potential mate, then you do not have a secure foundation for marriage. If your not at the same place spiritually or if your dating someone who does not know Jesus Christ as their saviour, then you may have strong feelings for that person, but it is not biblical love. The bible speaks of the importance of not being unequally yoked with an unbeliever as your potential mate. Unless your 'house' of love is built ont he solid rock of Jesus Christ, when the storms come, and they will, the relationship and everything around it will perish in the storms of life.

One last step...

There is one last step that is recorded in the song of Solmon. Just before their wedding, Solomon's bride gives her soon-to-be husband some God-inspired advice. It is the same advice I will leave to you as well. She says, "Catch foxes for us, the little foxes that are ruining the vineyards, while our vineyards are in blossom". Every relationship has those "little problems" that can eat away at our emotional and spiritual vitality. What are the 'foxes' in your relationship that can destroy your vineyard? Is it a bad temper? A lack of self control? A lack of disciplne when it comes to finances? Failing to be the person God has called you to be and make the right decisions according to His will?

As you evaluate your dating principles and compare them to God's clear picture of love, may your learn to love Christ more and your friends better. Basing our love on His word will not only enrich our lives beyond our expectations or hopes, it will provide the church with the greatest spread of the gospel it could possibly have - happily married Christian families and godly relationships that lead to successful relationships and heaven on earth when it comes to finding the love of your life.

Recommended Readings and sources of my information for this article:

1. "The Song of Solomon", King James Version.
2. "Eight steps to intimacy" by John Trent and Gary J. Oliver, Ph.D.
3. "Searching for Superman, watching for Wonder Woman" by Kenn Kington.
4."For Men Only" and 'For Women Only" by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn.