I WENT TO THE CLUB LAST NIGHT AND WHATEVER FEELING I THOUGHT I HAD THAT SOMETHING WOULD HAPPEN...WELL, IT DIDN'T. I TAKE THAT BACK. I GOT ONE OF THE WORST PICK-UP LINES IN THE HISTORY OF PICK-UP LINES! LET ME TELL YA ABOUT IT. THERE I WAS GETTING MY DRINK AND CUPID SHUFFLE ON WHEN THIS GUY WHO REAKED OF BACON AND FEET COMES UP BEHIND ME AND SAYS: I BEEN WATCHING YOU ALL NIGHT LONG." I TURNED AROUND LIKE, WHAT IN THE HELL... THERE I WAS FACE TO FACE WITH THIS DARK SKINNED BROTHA WEARING A SUIT THAT LOOKED LIKE IT WAS TWO SIZES TOO SMALL. (sidenote: who the hell wears a suit to the club!!! I'm talking Easter Sunday style) ANYWAY, I LOOKED HIM UP AND DOWN, SMILED AND TURNED AWAY. AS I WALKED AWAY, HE SAID THE FOLLOWING: I WISH I WAS YOUR TAMPON....DEEP INSIDE YOU!!!"

 

OH HEYELL NAW!!!!!!!! WITH THAT, I GRABBED MY PALS AND SAID, LET'S GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE BEFORE I HAVE TO KICK SOMEBODY'S ASS. BEFORE WE LEFT, I COULD FEEL HIS BEADY LITTLE EYES LOOKING ME UP AND DOWN AND ZEROING IN ON MY CROTCH. THE SAD THING IS, I WAS ACTUALLY ON MY PERIOD LAST NIGHT. I SHOULDA TOOK THE TAMPON OUT OF MY CROTCH AND THREW AT HIM AND SAID, "THERE YA GO.  YOU TWO SHOULD HAVE FUN TOGETHER!" I DIDN'T DO THAT THOUGH...I SHOULD HAVE.

 

I THOUGHT I'D CHECK IN HERE AFTER CHURCH. YEAH, GO CLUBBING ON SATURDAY JUST END UP IN CHURCH ON SUNDAY...LOL. I MUST HAVE THE WORST LUCK EVER. MY NOW EX GOES TO THE SAME CHURCH. THERE HE WAS...AVOIDING MY GAZE EVERYTIME I WALKED BY. I DIDN'T GIVE HIM THE SATISFACTION OF GETTING TO ME. AS I BARELY LISTENED TO THE SERMON (yeah i'm going to hell), I REFLECTED ON MY OWN DREARY EXISTANCE. I THOUGHT ABOUT MY JOB THAT I HATE (I'm a customer service rep), MY LOVE LIFE SUCH THAT IT IS, MY STRAINED RELATIONSHIP WITH MY MOTHER OVER WHAT I COULD BE DOING WITH MY LIFE, ETC, ETC. THERE HAS TO BE MORE TO LIFE THAN THIS. I THOUGHT ABOUT MY VIRGINITY. AT THE TIME I MADE UP IN MY MIND TO REMAIN A VIRGIN, I DID IT IN AN EFFORT TO BE CLOSER TO GOD AND TO GIVE THAT MAN OF MY DREAMS SOMETHING FROM ME SO PRECIOUS THAT HE WOULD BE THE FIRST AND ONLY MAN TO RECEIVE IT. NOW, I'M DOUBTING IT ALL. THE CONSENSUS IS, THERE IS NO MR. RIGHT...ONLY A MR. RIGHT NOW. THAT'S NOT SAYING THAT I SHOULD GVE IT UP TO THE FIRST GUY WITH A TWIG AND BERRIES BETWEEN IS LEGS...HELL IN THAT CASE, I SHOULDA GOT WITH MR. TAMPON FROM LAST NIGHT. ALL I KNOW IS, I'M DAMN NEAR 30 AND AT THE END OF THE DAY, I DON'T FEEL LIKE I HAVE ANYTHING WORTHWHILE...EXCEPT MY VIRGINITY. MAYBE THAT';S WHY I'M STILL HOLDING ON TO IT...BECAUSE IT'S THE ONE THING IN MY LIFE I'VE MASTERED SO FAR...