He did come back on Friday, oh how I twitched at work all day, like a cat on a hot tin roof or a kid with worms. The hands of the clock seemd to be moving backwards, never had I done my work so fast, never had I ensured that everything was ready for me  to leave, and never had I prayed quite so hard that the phone would not ring at 4.55 with a plea from a homeless person asking for help. The gods were looking down on me that dday. I ran from the building and raced to the bus stop, the journey seemd endless I only had 6 hours(ish ) to get ready. A girl can never have enough time. How quickly the time passed as I flew round my flat tidying up (He was such a tidy freak and I can be such a lazy person with housework), I cooked dinner and then started on myself, lying in the bath relaxing, soaking and immagining him there with me, clean and smelling good I then tried on my 12th outfit, clothes now all over the bed and  the floor,  looked at the clock, 10.20, I had  about 40 minutes, the as I began to put the clothes away, there was a knock at the door..........he was early, i shoved the clothes in the wardrobe and ran to the door....................He looked so tired as he walked in, smiling and kissing me , but so tired." I did an extra shift, I dont have to go back till later".

 The man needed a bath!  I remember him lying in the bath, with his eyes closed as the dinner cooked and He aksed me to wash his hair, I leant over to wash it,and he pulled me into the bath.And there in the bath at midnight ,covered in shampoo and tepid water I fell in love with him, utterly, completely and deeply.

This wonderful relationship conninued with him driving backwardsa and forwrds from suffolk to visit me, phone calls to his work to catch a few minutes, long letters sent and recieved and such heart breaking happiness I felt that something was bound to go wrong.

Money was so tight that he couldt come to visit so often, but still we wrote and talked on the phone, he would send me job applications to help him fillin coz his  written english wasnt wonderful. And then for some very strange reson I decded to leave London and move to plymouth, Im not sure what was going on in my mind, had I sensed something, some change in him or myself? But I felt the need to escape, to be futher away, maybe I was setting a test, if he loved me and I made it even more difficut would he still come, was this the final proof I would need to believe that he loved me as much as I loved him. Now , as I sit here i can't think why I did such a thing............. and so I moved to plymouth, with my 3 cats and all my wordly goods. I went to stay with my sister, I had one month to find a home, job. Not a problem.

I then decided that it was time for me to do something with my life before I settled down doing a career, relationship etc. and so i decided to travel. I wanted to go by train from boston to patagonia,to slow my life down, smell the flowers and realise that although it had not panned out how I first immagined 2 year ago, itwas good. I need to get my head round the loss of the baby and the fact that i wouldnt be having children and so I though this journey was what I needed ot do. I went to the doctor to talk innoculation, risks of high altitude trvel (I had a heart op was i was 4 )etc, also i was not feeling wonderful and need to find out what was up before I went.

 The GP was great, a really nice man, who I had seen a few time for various minor ailments, tonsilitius , ear infecton etc. i sat down in his office, even now i remember that the carpet was  green. I chatted for a bit, explaining what my plans were and where I was going, I told him I was feling a bit under the weather and he said he would give me the once over.

 He started at the top and worked his may down, doing the stuff that doctors do,prodding feeling and poking. after a few minutes he told me to sit up, he lloked quizicaly at me, said hang on left the room and came back a few minutes later with a nurse. Oh shit O shit, what was up, what was wrong?

I thought you might want a chaperone as I need to examine you to make sure.

but the weird thing was this doctor was smiling...........HOLY COW!

having had my one chace, having got pregnant and lost the baby somehow I had mananged to defy lifes plan and had got pregnant again.

and then he said the most amazing 2 things... the first  was "la Paz, thats where wou will have the baby acocrding to the plans" and the second was 5 months, your five months pregnant. How had I not noticed , I wasnt gaining weiht, I wasnt fat nothing....he smiled and gave me a cup of tea...........