I am lying on the bed I bought after you asked me to leave.
Covering up with the only blanket I took, that damn pooh comforter.
It was that or the ruffled thing lying on the bed we shared, I never like anyway.
I’m wearing the one thing of yours I took when I left, your shirt.
Not the nightshirt you wore to bed but, the blue one you wore that looked like mine.
No, I didn’t take it by accident I knew it was yours; the smell of your cologne was so thick I could have cut it with a knife.
Years have gone by and I have washed it dozens of times but, I still smell you on it.
I smell the night we lie in bed fully dressed exhausted from the trip with your parents we were too tired to undress.
I smell the day we went to the ballgame and you held my hand so tight my fingers were blue. Yeah, I was afraid to let go of you too.
I was afraid if I let go you would leave and never return after all I never understood why you loved me anyway.
I could never see that man you looked at when I looked in the mirror.
I saw only me, the disgruntled angry man who longed to find the peace you so graciously offered me. I just couldn’t seem to touch it myself.
We were so close and yet so far away at least in my mind.
We made those three heavenly angels I will never forget.
Each little giggle I hear in my head reminds me of you.
Each little twinkle in their eyes reminds me of the day I met you.
Each touch of our daughter’s soft hands on my cheek reminds me of you.
Each time I hear her call me Daddy, I hear you.
Each time I hear the boy’s laugh I hear your voice.
Within each every minute of my time with them, I can still feel like I belong.
It is of course hard to forget the marriage we once shared. Our love, our breathes together.
The way you pushed my face away from yours as I slept breathing hard into you.
Taking each smell and sense of security you brought to me inside with each breath.
The peace it brought to my sleep I can never explain.
For in my mind as you already know the war rages on.
But, with you and the kids in peace I belong.
johnlove posted on Jul 19, 2008
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