• Lucytorial said on Jul 19, 2008....

  Oucheee.... this isn't going to be easy to resolve and I fear that only a couple of things can happen... a friendship lost or a friendship strengthened.

  You really do need to talk tohim on the level, no lies, no holding back because if he truly cares for you then your feelings will be important to him.  Ohh dear, INH I feel like saying you silly girl but we all do this kind of stuff.  I did, unfortunately for me I lost the friendship but just be honest, its the only way or you will end up hating him, not wanting his friendship and feeling... well all together uncomfortable with your own lie.

• Mamie said on Jul 19, 2008....

  hi there, I think it is understandable and now that you know for certain, yes, I do think you should just go with the honest approach...and hope for the best. The outcome will be the outcome no matter how you stress over it.

• Mamie said on Jul 19, 2008....

  and your feelings are soooo important. Yes they are (don't argue with me*wink!)

• nytquill17 said on Jul 19, 2008....

  The fact that he got angrier and started confiding in you more before he declared his feelings for you says to me he is having a problem elsewhere in his life.  There's something he can't deal with, so instead of facing up to it he's putting all his energy into pursuing you, letting those fun "forbidden" feelings keep him distracted from whatever the real problem is.  He's running away from whatever it is, and you're the getaway car.
  
  I think Mamie said it best.  "The outcome will be the outcome no matter how much you stress over it."
  
  Right now you have to prove to Ana and Angry Girl that you CAN stand up for yourself.  Even if you feel absolutely no respect for yourself right now, even if you can't imagine your feelings could be more important than someone else's - act like you do, and set him straight.  Create some space for yourself.
  
  A book I read once had this line in it: "If sometimes you find you don't have the feeling for it, do it on faith and the feeling will follow."  Sometimes you have to do the action even though you don't have the feelings you think you should have, and the action becomes the practice to GET the feelings to happen.
  

• day2day said on Jul 19, 2008....

  u did the right thing,,,,,,i guess you thought you were helping him out...huh......llisten this guy was really bugging you about a relationship that only he wanted sooooooooo  badly........the question is though how do you feel about this guy now.....are you embarrassed to be around him now?   can u be honest w/him... will u b able to tell him to bugger off when you want to....or will he be able to tell you what to do......and how to feel.......since you slept with him he'll be expecting a relationship...i suggest yuo tell him the truth............how you truly feel is all that matters.........everything starts with you........

• I'mNotHungry said on Jul 19, 2008....

  I'm trying - but Angry girl seems to be pushed deep down inside of me due to the new meds - I can't seem to rouse her.

  I forgot to mention the fact that he's married. *slinking deeper into my chair*

  I have encouraged him to get professional help - and he has made an appt w/a therapist.  I have also told him that he isn't in love w/me - that he has something else going on in his life.  He loves his wife.  I know he does.  I want him too - he has too! 
  

  Oh - and we work together!
  

• Lucytorial said on Jul 19, 2008....

  Well that explains it then,, NT is completely correct... geezzuz H christ girl what are you thinking... he's using you as an excuse not to deal with his relationship which you have no right to be a third party to btw... as a friend yes but it seems as though he's taken it too far and I'd say at a long shot he doesn't love.. I know that sounds harsh but it may be true... do you think with all the different perspectives angry girls gonna come out with that one?? (hey I'm not trying to be rude or mean pls know that)

  At least you are challenging yourself damn!  **grin** being a bit emotionally neutral might help you here more than you think, give you a chance to get the distance you need emotionally to deal with this and maybe other things, its probably why you were put on it at a guess hon just a guess.

   

  {{Lucy runs for cover fearing INH is going to kick her butt for being rude}}

• I'mNotHungry said on Jul 19, 2008....

  Shit, Lucy, don't you think I know that!
  *assumes the fight stance with a open bottle of wine in one hand and an empty glass in the other*

  HELLO!  I get nauseous when I think about it...  the sex was HORRIBLE!  I mean HORRIBLE!  And all I'm sayin' is if his wife has gone 25 years w/o an orgasm - than I owe it to her, as a concerned woman, to explain to him how to give her one!
  (OK - I'm sort of kidding - but for real - he had NO CLUE!)
  
  On a serious note, I already told him it was a mistake and the cliche' "it is what it is" - "no offense" it should have never happened......

  Oh, and Lucy - try harder - Angry Girl is still no where to be found.  Maybe you could call me "fat" and a "whore" or a "tramp" 0r something - and hit me with something hard.................  the only other option is me stopping the meds- and God knows, NO ONE wants that to happen!

   

• Lucytorial said on Jul 19, 2008....

  No way man don't stop the meds!!!!!!!! Lucy holds champagne bottle in one hand and cork in the other!!!!

  How about if I tell you you're a skinny no good bitch??? doesn't work does it... damn... If I'm gonna hit ya with something hard I'll have to borrow silvers trout! te he hee

  Man - how old is this guy to not know HOW to at least try?? thats sadder than him getting you into bed to be honest.... not meant as an insut of course cause you probably are a bit of a looker along with skinny and tall?... anyway this guy needs to get his head screwed on, I'd say you wash your hands of it, its his problem not yours to resolve or solve.

   

• Lucytorial said on Jul 19, 2008....

  No I'm trying to drink it quickly so I can bash my stupid husband over the head.... he's being a bastard... what can I say... he's a man after all.

• I'mNotHungry said on Jul 19, 2008....

  Touche'

  *raising glass for a toast*

• urconscienceishere said on Jul 20, 2008....

  listen up

  yeah it was a stupid thing to do.........the guy is married.......in the first place......what were you thinking......wasn't he your best friend......did so many things together.........you may be great in bed and all but his lovemaking should tell you just how much of a child he really is......yes he needs help in a lot of things in his life but are you prepared emotionally to give it to him ........if not .....then stop leading him on and tell him the truth.......your not responsible.......your friendship is probably already gone .......because now he will only want one thing from you.....thanks to you......

  maybe thats how he gets his rocks off by pretending he doesn't know anything and just being plain lazy.........get a real life with someone ......

• I'mNotHungry said on Jul 20, 2008....

  conscience,  thank you for the reality check.  I had a real life with someone.  He died in a car accident.  And while I appreciate your brutal honesty - I did NOT lead him on in any way.  No shit - it was a stupid thing to do. 
  Sue me - I'm human.  Ever done anything stupid?

• Mamie said on Jul 20, 2008....

  hi there, ah, so now the story is clearer...this was always more about him being in search of something for himself vs loving, really loving you. You are right, he used you and so why do you feel badly about it? I say, close the book and move on. Tell him you would like to be friends the way you were (even though you prob. won't like him anymore) but let some time pass and he will continue to show his true colors. You may not want him for a BF anymore.
  In anycase....it is what it is, so it's done!
  I was thinking too...about feeling numb. It can be read with two different slants...not sure why, but I woke up this am with this on my mind.
  
  Numb: oh, that's bad. I need the chaos so I know where I am. I may be missing out on 'something' but i am not sure what. I want to feel something and the anxiety was at least feeling something.
  
  Numb: Oh, that's good. I need the peace. I want some quiet so I can figure out what I want. I will re-engage when I feel stronger. I am glad for this and the quiet joy it will afford for me and my daughter.
   
  have a good day sweetie pie! xo, M

• I'mNotHungry said on Jul 20, 2008....

  thanks M.  XO to you too.... I sent you a PE.  Can you read and respond when you have time?
  Luv u!
  H.

• Mamie said on Jul 20, 2008....

  of course! and btw, I want in on that champagne that Lucy is teasing us with....ok, its early, put it in my OJ!!
  xo, m

• vacantmind said on Jul 20, 2008....

  INH...Your not the only one who has made that mistake. I did a similar thing awhile back. It was stupid!

  The fact that he is married gives you an easy out. You need to put yourself first. No more of this pleasing others. They don't live your life or feel your pain. It is up to you to love and protect yourself.

   

• silverwhisper said on Jul 21, 2008....

  INH, you already know it was a mistake. here's the really hard thing, though.
  
  if you respect him, you have to stand up to him and tell him no. and if he truly respects you, he'll honor that or reveal himself a selfish jerk.
  
  in the end, you have a responsibility both to you and to him to tell him you don't feel that way and you can't, and that the reason the last time happened was because with your history, it's how you respond.
  
  so if he respects you, he'll leave you in peace.
  
  IOW: yes, your feelings are important.
  
  ed

• Fallyn said on Jul 23, 2008....

  *HUGS* .....it feels like i've been there and done that before.
  kinda.
  friends and love and sex and such is so damn complicated. *sigh*
  hate it when that happens.
  wish i knew what to do about it.
  

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