What to do when your husband has made a shambles of his side of the finances? We owe thousands in tax since he wouldn't pay quarterlies on his self-employment income no matter how I nagged. I paid mine, of course, via withholding. He's fallen awry of his creditors, and is being pursued for overdraft fees because of the ten day hold on customers' checks. His contracts have diminished with the economy and not only is he unable to pay his own bills, more of the burden of the shared household bills has fallen to me.
The stress eats at me day and night and I find myself becoming incredibly resentful. This is my second marriage and I started after my divorce with virtually nothing to my name except what was probably too low a financial settlement, which mostly went to helping my sons and finally to a bad buy on a condo that I've since divested at a loss. I've managed to save up a bit in retirement funds through good employers but now fear that it's all going to be taken away because of his slap-happy financial ways. He went so far as to hide his situation from me by hiding IRS mail about the status of past tax. He didn't step up and tell me about his financial woes and even agreed to vacations which had I known then what I know now I'd never have scheduled. I ended up paying the lion's share on those in the understanding all was fine and when possible he'd help me repay.
As if that weren't enough, we bought a house costing more than I thought wise (I wanted to ensure stability by keeping the price affordable on my income only) upon his assertions that everything was going well and he expected to be able to meet his share. He's been late more often than not in providing his share and piecemeals it at that, which makes it difficult to keep straight. He doesn't take of his health, is always "tired" and often comes home mid-afternoon and sleeps although he leaves around the same time I do each morning. He runs around looking like a bum in rags and unshaven but not in a fine beard. He isn't prospecting for contracts but keeps promising something is going to get better. How's that, by wishful thinking???
So, group, what to do? Yell at me for being a twit not reading the signs from a man who even before we married four years ago made pie in the sky promises he's conveniently forgotten having said. Thump my head for staying with a guy who was more than happy to horn in on family activity when dating, but now that we're married can hardly be persuaded to participate and is hateful toward my mentally ill home-dwelling son. I'll take the knocks, but I need advice. Do I divorce and save my finances? We generally have lots in common and he doesn't mind that I got fat after getting together (the stress can be viewed as contributory...). What to do???
Sorry to unload. I've no-one to ask. My mother can't handle it and only encourages me to stay with him. My sister hesitates to say anything. I'm lost.
