I feel as though I've lived the past 7 days in a dream.  Being with T was everything I'd hoped for and more.  There is more substance to why I love him, but at the same time, the temptation to cling to it and want to make it last is overwhelming.

 

It all boils down to circumstance.  Perhaps I have no business falling in love with someone who lives on the other side of the earth, but it was not a conscious decision.  Truthfully, I have never felt this way and I would not trade the pleasure to prevent the subsequent longing, even if I could.

 

T is perpetually reminding me to live in the moment.  My tears at the airport made him uncomfortable, but that WAS the moment at that particular space and time.  I explained to him that living for the present doesn't prevent grief but allows us to experience it more fully without taking refuge in denial.  I love him.  I had a wonderful week in his presence, and leaving was difficult.  Once the plane left for New York, the tears evaporated, and though I woke with an emptiness beside me, being home, even without him, has comforts of its own. 

 

It is no coincidence that his name means Heaven - I feel as though I have returned from a trip to paradise.  It would be easy to get lost in trying to make it last, but life moves and changes.  Just as this opportunity to be with him was unexpected and blessed, who knows what time will bring?  Love makes it's own possibilities.