In my opinion few people have ever experienced real misery.You see real misery never leaves you.It just hides and resurfaces later.real misery hurts in ways words can not explain.I deal with it on a daily basis.I feel like just rolling over and dieing.I know i did nothing to deserve this.Life simply dealt me a shitty hand of cards.

Every breath i take makes me hurt worse.I wake up some mornings thinking i have everything only to soon find out i have nothing.You see my mother treated me like shit as a kid.She never hit me or physically  hurt me.she used mental abuse to bring me down.She would yell and scream at me for four hours straight.She told me it was my fault we were poor  it was my fault she didn't that promotion.This went on since i was seven.she told me i was going to be a failure.She told me I would grow up and beat woman.She made me believe my dad hated me whom i never seen.She made me believe i was a broken piece of shit that only she could fix.If i was sad about something she made me feel sorry for her.She always told me she regretted not getting an abortion.She told me god is punishing her by giving her me.when i was 12 i had some friends stay the night and she asked them if i was gay witch i am not.She would cuss me out for hours and then tell me it was my fault when i did nothing but live and breath.Every day i came from school she was drunk.She brought her boy friends home to discipline me(beat my ass).I layed awake at night crying praying to god that i would just die.

That was a brief outline of my childhood theres more im just not going to go into it.I never realised how much she fucked me up until now.Everyday of my life im miserable now.Im becoming less and less social witch depresses me.I feel like people are always trying to be better than me.I think people are always trying to put me down and attack me.I no longer have any communication with my mother but the damage has been done.Im only happy about 20 minutes a day then depression and misery come back.WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO!

well i don't know what else to say