That usually 1 person can tell when they've out grown the other. That one person usually doesn't feel as appreciated as the next. The trouble with marriage is that it grows and evolves and sometimes it does that faster than the two people in it can except. It is something that sometimes takes on a life of it's own.
Comments
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Fallyn said on Jul 19, 2008....
are there people who naturally move and change at the same pace as the other? -
husbandhater said on Jul 19, 2008....
I wonder that myself Fallen. -
silverwhisper said on Jul 19, 2008....
funny thing, my wife & i were talking about this last night. i think that we all grow as we go through life, but the trick to a relationship is making sure that when you grow, you don't also grow apart.
ed -
wishyouwerehere said on Jul 19, 2008....
It may not be the growth or the changes. I think you pegged the biggest reason for distance when you said that one partner no longer feels appreciated. Those little things that people take for granted - the please and thank yous, the daily chores ... after a while, when common courtesies are neglected, it takes its toll. -
queenparanoia said on Jul 19, 2008....
woah... i'm learning a lot from this... -
Fallyn said on Jul 19, 2008....
wish, i can see that.
how likely is it that people who were apart......married or not....can slowly grow closer again?
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Me-Myself&I said on Jul 19, 2008....
the trouble with marriage is they should not of got married in the first place! ;~{
then the efforts to make things work, is not no way divided up right?!
take care of yourself! i'll be thinking of you. ~see ya
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BurnedOut said on Jul 19, 2008....
you know I couldn't have said it better myself. I'm finding this out on my own everyday. I just couldn't find the words to express this. Sometimes I just sit and just wonder...."is it me?" -
dyingman said on Jul 19, 2008....
I've often frowned on May-December weddings for this reason. If two people far apart in age are of equivalent maturity when they get together, the rate of growth of the younger may quickly overtake the older who has grown slowly enough to be at the same rate of someone much younger. It's beggin' for trouble. Cougars, I tend to think take this into account and indulge their younger men in their immaturity. Older men though become surprised when women's patience with them grows "suddenly" short. Then they long for another young women who hasn't had the chance to know them well enough to hold them in contempt. thus the millionaires with serial arm candy. *DM -
Fallyn said on Jul 19, 2008....
dyingman. that's definitely an interesting perspective.
i don't think all men are naturally that immature, or that all women naturally mature at a faster rate.
maybe some cougars, as you put it, are naturally immature themselves and want someone on the same level.
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Lucytorial said on Jul 19, 2008....
Silvers words ring true to me and might I also add that it is in appreciating someone that you share a life with as well, encourage their changes, their growth, share their discovery's.
Inequality can start from not listening... its the greatest thing we can learn, to listen, really hard, not just surface listening but to listen to not just the words, but every part of what you are hearing.
I also see that sometimes when people get married they become the other person, or wish to change their partner to their liking... this never works, only two individuals can share a life, if you lose yourself then your partner can no longer see or appreciate you.
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