This is about school. I don't think i've told anyone this before.
My aloneness and sense of differentness went through the roof when i first had to go to school. I felt like an outcast that first week or maybe even year. I hated school. It was the most frightening and horrible experience. I had no idea what to do and how to speak to any of the kids. They all looked like they were meant to be there. Exactly how my child does now. They looked as if they were enjoying it. They made friends easily. Some of them knew each other already. It felt to me like the most foreign place i'd ever been in. But everyone else knew what to do and how to play and what to say. And when to say it. I just remember wanting to die. I remember crying by myself that first day, screaming inside but not knowing who to scream to. Wanting help but not knowing who to ask or what to say. I just sat there while the day buzzed past me. Frozen in complete fear.
This is going to sound so stupid, but at lunch time I went down to the playground and found this enormous tree and hugged it until my arms hurt. And I swear it was hugging me back. So it became my friend. I sat there at the base of the tree every lunch time and prayed no one would speak to me.
