So I just arrived back where I've lived most of my life and I'd rather be far far away. My sister in law is moving out this coming weekend. There are boxes of her stuff around. It's all very awkward. I'm suppose to act normal, but I feel so bad about everything. Am I suppose to help her move? Is that a mean thing or a nice thing to help? She said we could go see a movie when she's settled in and she'd call me about it. It's so weird and sad, I'm not sure how to act or take it all in. Everybody else seems to be that way too. My mom is keeping herself busy by cleaning every little thing, my brother is drinking a lot, the animals are being themselves, my sister in law is doing her own thing and not talking much, and I don't know what to do with myself.
Aside from that, which is the biggest elephant in the house right now. I just found out I got into a new school I applied to. I'm happy I got in, I really wasn't sure they'd accept me. Now however, my family is wanting me to stay here. They say it's to scary of a city, I probably won't like it, I already have friends here and we can all have fun here. Those are some pretty good points to stay. On the other hand I am interested in this new major at the school, I feel like maybe I can give living by myself another shot (well I think so) and I actually don't feel like staying here, or maybe thats because of what I just talked about with my family right now. However, when I think about trying to go to school here I am unmotivated, when I think of trying this new major I'm a little more excited to try. I don't want to miss out or mess up my family even more though. I'm also afraid that my mean bad friend might be influenceing me into likeing the other school more. It's a lot closer to where he lives and I've always dreamed that we could try to work it out if I lived closer. I know he should NOT be a factor at all, but I can't help it, it keeps popping back in my mind when I think about that school.
Plus we hung out this last weekend, I know I'm terrible, but that's another blog entirely. At first I felt like we got closer from hanging out this last time. That started to scare me because that's kind of a huge thing for us. Now I sort of feel like he's in it for the fun and just put on an act of being sweet to me to get his. It doesn't help that my brother was saying how girls see every little move in a relationship as they're getting serious and that we're all just crazy. Ugh boys. Dang oppressive family, I don't know what to do anymore.
