So I'm sitting here, it's three thirty in the morning, and I don't know who I am. I don't know who I want to be. I live every day over and over. The same day.... nothing changes, nothing ever gets better. But at the same time, I'm pressured with the realization that all the while, time is slipping through my fingers. And still I have found nothing that truly makes me happy. Not in other people, not in any activities. There is no satisfaction, no real sense of peace, despite the monotony. Living the same day over and over again... or rather, living a continuously repeating cycle of churning and shifting emotions. Happy, sad, up, down. I have spells, live in cycles. At one moment, I feel as though I'm God in my own world, my own place in existance... that all I need to do is enjoy life. The next moment, I can be downtrodden as now, thinking that I'm supposed to be doing something, that I'm missing something. I feel like I'm missing the boat, that there's some kind of ship that everyone else has boarded, and I'm being left behind. I live between parties, but the monotony of the time in between is just not satisfying. Is that all there really is? Superficial things, good times without any deep meaning, just living moment by moment and eventually dwindling away to old age... perhaps it's the realization that I will be stuck in the same place forever while time dwindles away that bothers me the most; the idea of living the same cycle over and over, aging aging aging until I'm old and can't do it anymore. What will I have when I look back at my life? A semi-coherent blur of superficialities, accomplishing nothing special. I'll have nothing but memories, with no real fullfillment. The lonliness will be overwhelming; I do believe that I will always be alone. How does one live?