*This is mainly an introspective entry that I wrote the other day in a notebook, and simply felt a need to post it. Feel free to skip this over as it is quite silly and contrary to my normal attitude. Just a venting nonsensical group of words I needed to get out!



Words are dangerous. If I truly wrote without any limiter and my words were found, many might be hurt or surprised by them. Even if most anyone involved in my real life found this blog it would bring a vortex of problems to my world.
The people in history who have truly written their hearts and minds, cast out to the world to be judged - I admire them. For someone like me who is always struggling to find a way to express myself through words...it can be very aggravating to be too cowardly to write out my true meanings and thoughts. I believe it may be due to my need to avoid hurting or upsetting anyone in my life. My thoughts are just too dangerous. I feel maybe at this point I am just incapable of being completely truthful with myself.

I have truly become too self-conscious.

I obsess over trying to figure out why I do things the way I do, why I interact and act with other people the way I do, and so on. This becomes daunting as I go several layers deep into these questions. Then I wonder if other people ponder these things as intensely and as frequently as I do. Do I even have a real issue at all, or am I just creating one by over-analyzing everything?

I just really wish to be free of my self-conscious attitude. To TRULY not have a concern of others thoughts towards me, or worries of my constant appearance, or of my way of living. I wish to be comfortable with who I am. Take me as I am or don't bother me would be my train of thought. Until this happens, I will forever be limited and blocked. I have to fix the non-existant problem that I created in my head.