(U.S.PRESS)
1.)Thousands More Dead In Continuing Iraqi Victory Death March
2.)Al Gore Caught Warming Globe With Flamethrower
3.)Ken Lay's Children Inherit 4,000 Pensions
4.)Democrats Now Demand Recount Just To Rub It In
5.)Record Stock Market Gains Celebrated By Record Few People
6.)Hilarious Muhammad Cartoons Spark Mass Laugh Riot
7.)Tom Cruise Still Disappointed That Daughter Emerged In Human Form
8.)Protesters' Jobs Immediatly Filled By Illegal Immigrants
9.)The Now Dead Tony Snow Still Unsure Of Which Scandal He's Refusing to Comment On
10.)U.S Army Loses 10,000 limbs
11.)Pope Relieved Muslim World Likes His Doodles
12.) Bush Retires To Iraq Because Gas Will Be Cheaper
11.)Nation Captivated By Own Idiocy
***ALL THE NEWS THAT'S FIT TO READ***
