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There's a huge discussion going on about this topic on Amazon's discussion board.  Hundreds of people have thrown in their two cents.

Obviously the answer is "no" because you can't generalize and say ALL men or women do anything. 

But the large majority of people who responded, mostly men, say that yes most married men do cheat on their wives.  And many women said they knew about it and didn't care.

I find this hard to believe.  Does anyone out there have thoughts to add?  I am curious. 


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Comments

  • phoeby said on Jul 13, 2008....
    my ex husband didnt cheat on me (that i know of). i think there are a huge amount of people out there with very strong principals and they live by them.

    i don't think everyone cheats. 

    phoeby
  • SeanRenaud said on Jul 13, 2008....
    Yeah the majority of people period cheat and those are the people brave enough to admit it, which means they are likely somewhat low estimates)  I'm sure that many women know and either can't make on their own financially, are clingers (can't live without a man which seems to be a common female trait and one that I mistakenly helped out on a few times.  Yeah I know I'm a naive idiot) , there are probably some that are cheating on their men as well and feel they have no room to be upset and probably a few who honestly don't see it as a problem.
  • Scarlett said on Jul 13, 2008....
    Phoeby, my last long term relationship didn't cheat on me either and I didn't cheat on him.  I think you are right, there are a lot of people with strong principals but probably more without them.

    Sean, You know what your comment made me think:  Nice women (such as myself) think most men are jerks because of a few losers that use women and treat them like crap.  Then nice guys think women are bitches because of a few losers that use men and treat them like crap.

    I am sorry you've run into that kind of woman.  I'm probably too independent in some ways - I don't need a man.  I just want one.

  • SeanRenaud said on Jul 13, 2008....
    It wasn't meant as a slight against women, it's just likely that I ended up costing myself a maybe not the One since I don't believe in unique phenomon but definitely a loved one, and probably screwed a few of my friends over as well by explaining to women that they should love themselves first and they shoud be like you and WANT their man not NEED their man because there is a difference and you can't really love somebody that you need, atleast not in teh same way that you do someone you want.
     
    Honestly, not the best policy really ever.
  • husbandhater said on Jul 13, 2008....
    If my husband cheated I would care and it would be a factor for me. I think some women don't care and try to rationalize it as just physical like A-Rod's wife lied to herself about. But cheating isn't just physical it is also an affair of the heart weither lust or actual love, and can be more than lust. My Ex proved to me once a cheater always a cheater. And sex isn't always just sex.
     
    He remarried and I know for a fact he has cheated on her. He left me for her and used me and someone else to cheat on her with. I feel sorry for those women b/c they are lying to themselves and delusional to not care. Not caring is like giving him permission to do it again. He knows you won't leave. Mrs.A-Rod wore a shirt that read:"Fuck U" Now whose crying all the way to divorce court? and whose going to get F#@ked in the end?
  • SeanRenaud said on Jul 13, 2008....
    1.  As long as he's being open and honest there realy is no good reason why he shouldn't have permission to do it again.  Beyond that I'm sorry a woman (or a man in the odd case of K-Fed) doesn't deserve half of your money or anything because of a divorce.
     
    Nothing, absolutely nothing shy of hard work or provable FINANCIAL losses earn a person a single dime.
  • Scarlett said on Jul 13, 2008....
    I never married and therefore have never divorced.  I've taken care of myself all of my life (been working since I was a teen and have raised a child on my own).  I'm glad I never had to depend on a man to support me, but I do wish I would have met one that I loved enough to make a lifelong commitment to.  I think that's part of the problem.  So many people get married with the mindset that if it doesn't work out, they can always get divorced.  Call me old fashioned but I think that's wrong especially if children are involved.


  • 007Hardone said on Jul 13, 2008....
    Scrlett, you made a comment that I wish I had said, "I don't need a man.  I just want one." In my case change "man" for "woman" and that sums it up.
  • Eilan said on Jul 13, 2008....
    A few thoughts:
    1. A lot of people are so focused on having the perfect wedding that they forget that they'll actually be married afterward. As trite as it sounds, a wedding is a moment in time--a marriage is (supposed to be) forever.
    2. Some people are lazy. They prefer to do what's easy instead of what's "right."
    3. One of the worst things parents can do is stay together for the sake of the children. I'm biased and opinionated about this issue because of my own family history, but IMO it's a form of child abuse.
  • soaringraven said on Jul 13, 2008....

    Several years ago I read a study (don't have the source handy but it was a scholarly work, not some flim flam nonsence done for humor) that shows that in reality more women cheat on their significant others than men.   This was shown to be especially true when flirtations and sexless affairs were taken into account.

    But even when accounting only for full blown afairs, statistically women have shown a higher instance of cheating than have their male counterparts. 

    Another interesting point that was brought out in that particular study was that the majority of times when a man cheated on his spouse it was a predatory female that initiated the illicit relationship.

    soaring

  • cotterall&elaineadams said on Jul 14, 2008....
    Women cheat as much as men.
  • RollingC said on Jul 14, 2008....
    Interesting.... almost all the long term (more than 10yrs) relationships that I've known the man has cheated or had an affair at least once.   I've known several flirtatiously aggressive (predatory?) women in my life but never really paid attention to the numbers/percentage of which sex initiates the cheating behaviour cycle as that's what it becomes in the long run.
    It obviously takes two to tango as any man making a move on a woman would get nowhere if the woman (or man...opposite gender) wants nothing to do with the situation so it's not really a matter of who's on first as much as realizing what you're doing and stepping up to the plate.
    My spouse and I have separated and it has nothing to do with cheating although she worried about that at first as her ex did just that.
    I've also known women that don't really care if you cheat as long as you keep on taking care of them....but then they've been more the victim type as they wouldn't put up resistance if a man made a move on them.
    It's a very deep and complex/complicated answer to that simple question but the simple solution, though hard to do many times, is to keep remembering your vows and what you felt when you said " I do " and keep that memory alive in your heart despite the hardships...emotional or physical...that life can bring.
    Not an easy thing to do at times.
    If cheating was really the answer to marital problems there would be a whole lot more of cheating going on.
    In the end one has to keep the faith, treat others kindly and do what you have to do to maintain/survive/keep your life healthy and happy. (or reasonable facsimile thereof)
    Rc
  • one_wired_kitty said on Jul 15, 2008....
    My now ex-husband cheated on me repeatedly .... then walked out on me for the woman he was screwing. I find it really hard to rationalize and just accept this. I really don't know how other people can make this - in their mind - okay.
  • center_right said on Jul 15, 2008....
    I've been married for 15 years (next month) and I have never cheated. 
     
    Actually, I can't understand why a man would cheat.  I have a hard enough time dealing with one, I couldn't imagine dealing with two.  Wayyyy too much stress for me.
     
    Besides, I love my wife deeply and wouldn't betray her like that.  .
  • Scarlett said on Jul 15, 2008....
    Center....YEAH FOR YOU!!!!  I am so glad you stopped by and shared this :)
  • silverwhisper said on Jul 15, 2008....
    the contention that either sex is more prone to cheating is, IMHO, intrinsically sexist.

    ed
  • anonymous said on Jul 17, 2008....
    No. Mine never has and my dad never has.  However, once a man cheats and gets away with it, he will take the opportunity if it comes along as often as he can. 
  • anonymous said on Jul 29, 2008....
    I was in the mall shopping for a picture frame for a relatively close friend of mine. She had just come home from her honeymoon and we were getting together this coming weekend to catch up and look at her photos . As I was walking into the store I made eye contact with her husband, surprisingly he approached me and we began speaking to one another. Now, I had only met him about three or four times before because after they met she stopped seeing many of her friends as with most new relationships. It was a brief dating period for them, in fact, they were married within five months of meeting each other. He was very pleasant, in fact he was overly nice and was leading into conversations that were making me feel a little uneasy. He started asking personal questions about my relationships and made an inquiry about me going out with a newly married man and how he could really show me a good time. He asked for my cellphone number and would not stop until I gave in,"WHAT A FOOL I AM" Now I don't know what to do, I can't tell my her because it will end my friendship for sure and I can't possibly go to her home and pretend this didn't happen. I confided with another close friend of mine and she told me about this site http://urajerk.com/ At first I thought is was just another one of those sites that pop up here and there but I checked it out. I must say I like it and thats why I am spreading the word. I was able to send him a few cards with some personal anonymous messages, he will know they are from me, but no one else will. I love this site because I can at least tell him that he is a F#%//ng JERK. Has anyone else gone through this crap before? How can men be such assholes? I mean JERKS!!
  • womenwhocare said on Jul 29, 2008....
    Men like this Graber man above NEVER stop cheating no matter what.  They will  act like everything is super great with their wives until the wife is unsuspecting and then they cheat again and again and again.  Not only are their wives none the wiser, most of the time, neither are the women they cheat with.  The two women you name above, Kiwi (what in the HELL kind of name is that anyway?) and Kristina are too dumb idiots.  He is sleeping with them both at the same time?  Damn.  What a total asshole this man is.  If what you are saying is true, then this man is a pathological liar and will never stop no matter what woman he ends up with.  He has got to be a an awesome liar to get away with cheating.  How thick do women have to be to not understand this truth?  Men who cheat on their wives lie to EVERYBODY.  They have to or they can't cheat successfully.  These women above are being lied to just like this dick heads wife.  DONT BE FOOLED.  This is how cheaters live their lives.  These two women need to get into some kind of support group for The other woman ANON or some shit like that.  They need to move on and stop being with MARRIED MEN.  Sounds like the Kiwi woman has done that based on your post but how long did she put up with this guy's lies?  He sounds like a real retard who can't keep his dick zipped up and has no self control.  You mention kids?  Boys no less.   JESUS FC, hope they don't follow in dad's footsteps. More men to prey on women out there in the world.  Just what the world needs.  More men who cheat on their wives.  This guy sucks and so do all men like him.  I feel sorry for his wife and for his kids.  They have a really sick and poor exmaple of what it means to be a man.  God help us all from dumb asses like this. 
  • SeanRenaud said on Jul 29, 2008....
    Or maybe those three have a good life and outsiders should shut the fuck up and encourage it.
  • xena1975 said on Aug 09, 2008....

    There is not one man out there who has not cheated, 5 years married, thought my husband was the last man out there who would ever cheated, prefect marriage that i thought, it wasnt i found out 3 days ago he cheated on me 4 years ago and was planning to divorce me, i was on cloud 9, i have falling to earth , but when i found out it broke me. He was my childhood sweet heart, the love of my life, my frist boyfriend, first person i had sex with.

     when we fought bad 4 years ago, he was going to leave. he cheated on me. got her pregnant and she lost it and now she is still in our lives, he cares for her and cant leave her or me. he goes to her 3 times a week, eat,sat her house, sleeps there, sleeps with her. IT is a nightmare. i had no clue he was cheating, sex deceased but it suppose to be normal, 5 years of marriage, he also works 12 or more hours a day. Goes out with his friends, guys night out.

    We never fought bad, aruguments, but kiss and make up, fantastic sex, and words he says to me sweet as honey.

    do not trust a man, lies , lies all of them 

  • SeanRenaud said on Aug 09, 2008....
    You're wrong Xena.  Not all guys are liars, or cheats.  I don't  know the details of our situation but if I was him I would have told you I was sleeping with her and let you make youre decision.  I wouldn't have lied and there are other guys who would have remained miserable till the day they died.
  • silverwhisper said on Aug 19, 2008....
    i don't see how saying "all men are cheaters" is any less sexist than saying the same of women.

    ed

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