I enjoy watching HD Net fights from Japan, a lot more than the old Pride fights. Pride had the worst television directors I've ever seen. You wait all fight for something exciting or decisive to happen and as soon as it does the Pride television director pans the audience to show three dorks standing up and doing the Japanese version of Atlanta's fucking tomahawk chop for which the Atlantians should be executed. The Japanese version is about punching one fist in the air a few times. I think it would be more entertaining if they punched the television director in the face instead. Meanwhile we're missing the only exciting parts of the fight, not televised because we have to watch dorks punch the air.

It's the Japanese way of showing us, the tv audience, that the fans are enjoying the fight. Fuck the fans. Just show the fight.

You know the way American ring announcers draw out the names of the fighters? And in this corner is Joooooooooooooooooe Smiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiith. Well, the ring announcers in Japan do their own version of that. It's really funny. Sometimes it's a male voice, sometimes either a female voice or a male falsetto, I can't tell which, sounds female. It's over the loudspeaker, not coming from the center of the ring. And they really party with it. They do trills like Arabs on the warpath. The voice goes way high like someone stepped on Celine Dion's foot. And they absolutely mangle the fighter's name. It's hysterical and fun.

They don't give a shit about the guy's name. Like for Gesias Calvancante they go Jayyyy Zeeeee CALVANNNNNNNNNNNN. That's it. Okay, the guy's nickname is J.Z., fine, but they ignore half his last name, and they shout it and sing it at you. And it's not like you can actually make out the Calvan part because it is mangled too, and may as well sound like Callllloooouuuuuuu.

They also add syllables at the end. If your name is Johnson, they shout/sing Jonsoneuhhhhhhhhhhhh. They love to add euhhhhhh at the end of everybody's name, even the Japanese names. They just clown with the whole thing.

You want to hear them announce their precious heavyweight champion Fedor Emelianenko? It comes out more like Emmmy Fedorreuhhhhhhhhh. Yes, they often say the last name first, always if the guy is Japanese, and whenever they feel like it if the guy isn't Japanese.

Rampayyyyy Jacksoneuhhhhhhh. Dan Hendureuhhhhhh. Plus, they will completely drop the guy's last name if they feel like it, and settle for the nickname instead. Why ya think Cro Cop is so well known as Cro Cop? Cause he fought in Japan. Meerkah Crocoppeuhhhhhhh. If he had become famous in America we'd know him as Mirko CroCop Filipovic. Japan could give three shits that the guy's name is Filipovic.

I just saw a little clip of the Pillsbury Dough Boy, aka God, aka Fedor Emelianenko, talking smack about his next opponent Tim Sylvia. Here's what he said. "I want to thank Mr. Sylvia for accepting this fight. I know him very well and I have great respect for him." Gee, that will sure flame Tiny Tim's buns, won't it.

You just watch. On July 19th Fedor will beat the living doody out of Tiny Tim, and after the fight they are going to actually fuck each other out of love. They'll be hugging and kissing and fondling each other. Happens every time God fights. For all you atheists out there, get the July 19th pay per view. You'll finally see who the real champ is. Spider Silva my left tit.