...are they real or just a figment of an overly medicated and over active imagination - I dont know.Should I listen to them ?- I would need to figure out what they are saying first.
At the moment they are just a mumble of something - not sure what.
Is my subconscience trying to tell me something??
My body is telling me to take the outstretched hand from the hospital and to have the surgery,no matter what.
My overy medicated mind is telling me to hold on to what i have,and just continue to be careful with the way I live my life,and I'll be fine.
I think i have realised what it is that has been making me feel this way this whole week - its the fear of the unknown - the fear of not knowing what might happen in the surgery,and that ever burning question - what do I do if something goes wrong - do i live with the regret and say to myself and others 'well at least i tried - what did you do?"
Or do I say........rather not take the risk - my life is ok the way it is - leave it alone
I am sorry if my ramblings sound more like moans and groans everyone - but it is a bit hard for me to focus or think about anything else right now.Half my mind wants to go for it and the other half is saying - 'get the fuck out of here - you want to do what to whose body..........?' but I guess those are just the voices in my head.
cuppajava posted on Jul 11, 2008
| views: 72
Comments
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pusscat said on Jul 11, 2008....
I know it is easy for an able bodied person to sit here and say "have the operation". I know it is NOT that simple. I will not try to give you advice, only something to think about. There is a new advert on British TV at the moment. It shows several pretty, petit young girls practicing ballet. the young woman's voice narrating talks about how she always thought she would become a great dancer - all the practice she put in and how good she already was. What she hadn't known during her time of dance practice, is that she was not going to become a great ballerina. No - but what she did become (we see the young lady at this point - sitting in her wheelchair) is a gold medalist in the para Olymptics. She does numerous things but the one she is training for again at the moment (already holds the title) is weight lifting (here we see her laying on her tummy on a bench lifting the heavy weight in front of her).What I am trying to say is, although she is in a wheelchair, she is living life to the max. there is no reason for her not to live into her 80s or 90s. That's 70 plus years of a great life. If you don't have the operation, am I right in thinking that your life could be cut short? Any op holds risk. People have had complications from ingrown toenails and lost a foot then someone has a bypass and is back at work in 2 months! No matter what happens to us, life is precious. Our body does not always live up to our expectations but, so long as we have our mind, our faculties and our friends, we really do have things to be greatful for.You are a remarkable man. I would like to see that man live for as many years as he possible can!!I think the voices in your head are there to help you think about all this, not hinder you my friend.Love and hugspc
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