Characters
Dad- Typical aging conservative father figure, balding with a slight paunch.
Mom- Suburban working mother, attractive, athletic, fashion forward.
Denise- College student, has long hair and idolizes Jim Morrison and Seether.
Bobby- 12 year old wise guy kid, loves sports.
Scene
A typical New England living room. Dad and Bobby are watching their favorite team, the Yankees. Mom is folding laundry.
Mom- What would you two like for dinner?
Bobby- Can we order pizza?
Mom- Bobby, we can't have pizza for dinner every night!
Bobby- We didn't have it last night! Last night we had meatloaf. I hate meatloaf.
Meatloaf sucks the big one.
Mom- I don't appreciate that language Mister Garbage Mouth! You're lucky you don't live with your Grandmother! She'd wash your mouth out with Clorox!
Bobby- I sue her for child abuse if she tried that with me!
Mom- ( turning to her husband) Are you listening to what your son is saying?
Dad- Mmm,.......YEAAAAHHHHHH, HOME RUN FOR JETER! (jumps out of his chair and gives Bobby a high five, then sits back down and sips his beer)
The door bursts open and Denise runs into the room carrying a large sign that says
STOP GLOBAL WARMING
SAVE THE POLAR BEARS!
Denise- Mom, Dad, Jerk face! You'll never believe what happened at the demonstration today (she stands in front of the television)
Bobby- Move out of the way, we're trying to watch the game.
Mom- I will not allow you to talk to your brother like that! Now please move aside, your father has had a hard day and he is trying to watch the game. ( she takes Denise out to the kitchen table to talk) Now what is going on? Did you have a nice day at school?
Denise- Mom, I didn't go to any dumb ass classes! There was this awesome global warming demonstration on campus today and we got on TV! I'm going to be on the news at six today!
Mom- Well, Missy, your father and I paid a lot of money for those classes so you'd better learn to appreciate them real fast! And where is this language coming from? Am I raising two ruffians? I'm extremely disappointed with you Denise!
Denise- Oh, btw, since you brought it up I changed my name today.
Mom- We do not use text speak in this house, young lady! What did you just say?
Denise- Before the rally, a few of my friends and I went down to city hall and filled out the paper work to change our names.
(She rummages through her backpack and pulls out an official looking paper)
Here, see? Denise was so pedestrian! My new name is much more Eco friendly.
Mom- You're joking!
Denise- I'm not! Look! See for yourself! (she hands the paper to her mother)
Mom reads the document, puts her head in her hands, elbows on the table, and massages her temples.
Dad- Hey, Denise! As long as you're up, would you fetch me the jar of gherkins?
Mom- She's not Denise anymore!
Denise goes to the refrigerator and takes out a jar. She brings it to her father.
Dad- What?
Mom- I said, she's no longer Denise! She's changed her name.
Denise hands her father the jar.
Mom- Meet your new daughter..................Raspberry.
Dad- Shall we call you Razz, or Berry for short?
Mom- Joke all you want Don. Her name is now Raspberry Sunshine.
Bobby- (falling over laughing) RASBERRY SUNSHINE? THAT IS SO HILARIOUS!
Oh, man! Wait 'til I tell the guys my sister's named after a party clown!
Raspberry- What are you babbling about?
Bobby- My friend Tony's little sister just had her 8th birthday party.......and that was the name of the clown that did all the balloon animals! (he laughs harder)
Raspberry- You're such a jerk! We're trying to save the polar bears!
What are you doing with your life?
Bobby- I'm only in seventh grade (still laughing)! How is changing your name going to save some dopey polar bears anyway? Raspberry?! (laughs harder) Ha ha, didn't you want to be a doctor?
I can picture it now! Ha ha, PAGING DOCTOR SUNSHINE....DOCTOR RASBERRY SUNSHINE, PLEASE REPORT TO SURGERY......haha.....hahaha!
Raspberry- You're so dumb!! Don't you even care about the polar bears?
Bobby- Hey, weren't you trying to save the baby seals two years ago?
Raspberry- Yes, I care about all of the endangered animals on our planet.
Do you know that hundreds of species are put on the endangered list each year, and that many of those become extinct mere months later? How can you be so cold and unfeeling?
Bobby- You do know, that polar bears eat baby seals? Right?
Rasberry- I hate you.
