This weekend I was taken totally by surprise. My wife came to me and wanted to talk... I wasn't expecting it at all.
She told me she knew what I wanted to talk to her about the other day before she collapsed. She'd been thinking about it all week. And she was scared she was losing me. She told me that she realised how much she depends upon me and needs me. Even if I am not as happy as I could be. She told me she wanted to make things work better between us. She said she wanted to try and make me happy. She said she doesn't want to lose me...
And like an idiot, I sat there and couldn't find anything to say. She wants to work things out so we can be happy together. And I didn't know what to say.
After some thought, I told her we'd have to see what happens. She said I didn't need to tell her anything right away, but that she'd be trying to make things better anyway.
And all the while, I felt like I was betraying someone else. I still do feel that way.
When I talked to my soulmate this morning, I told her what happened. It felt like I'd hurt her terribly. I feel miserable knowing I've hurt her.
My soulmate asked me something I've been asking myself all weekend: Do I want to work it out with my wife? She wanted a yes or no answer. And I haven't been able to come up with one yet...
Is it a matter of doing what I want, or what is best for others? The two just don't seem to go hand in hand.
It feels like my heart is screaming at how unfair this all is. Part of me wants to remain detached and think this through, but another part of me is making that nigh impossible to do.
So here I am, torn to pieces...
Do I try and make things work out with a woman I have spent so many years with to try and salvage what may or may not work out, what may or may not make me happy? Or do I walk away from it all?
I don't even know what would happen if I did leave. My happiness is not even guaranteed because my soulmate still has her own path to choose, and her children to consider...
I just don't know what to do.
EvilTwin posted on Aug 14, 2006
| views: 782
Comments
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Alyss said on Aug 14, 2006....
[COLOR=DarkSlateBlue]I asked because that is what you have to decide and whatever your choice is I will understand and be there for you, even if friendship is all that remains. [/COLOR] -
EvilTwin said on Aug 14, 2006....
I know. And I will be here there for you as well... -
secretlife said on Aug 14, 2006....
I chose to stay in my marriage because i couldn't imagine an amicable separation with my husband, and I had 3 children to consider. If I didn't have the kids, I believe I'd have come to a different decision. I don't think you can have both. If you make the choice to work on the marriage, then you should dedicate yourself to this. Otherwise you just keep on the same merry-go-round.... BTW- Happiness is never guaranteed. -
silverwhisper said on Aug 14, 2006....
sometimes, the decision isn't about what is right/wrong, but rather about what causes the least harm all around. JMHO. ed -
EvilTwin said on Aug 14, 2006....
The problem, o' argent sibilant one, is that there is harm already being caused, all around. And no secretlife, happiness is never guaranteed. Nothing in life ever really is... -
happykat said on Aug 14, 2006....
Do you think if your soulmate was out of the equation that you would still be at the same crossroads? Would you still be unsatisfied with your marriage? -
EvilTwin said on Aug 14, 2006....
Yes happykat, I believe I would be. -
secretlife said on Aug 14, 2006....
silverwhisper: I've lived my life making decisions about what will cause the least harm. I don't regret that decision, but there are days when I wonder what would have happened if I had been able to make more selfish choices. I think that's just the human condition- wanting to see the road not taken. IEvilTwin: think you might consider a month apart from your soulmate to see what is left in your marriage. Sometimes time brings clarity. -
Alyss said on Aug 14, 2006....
[COLOR=Blue]I will do that if you wish it A'maelamin. If that separation would help then we lose nothing by trying it; though a week apart didn't help much did it? [/COLOR] -
EvilTwin said on Aug 14, 2006....
A week apart was agony. I don't know if I could last a month, love... -
silverwhisper said on Aug 14, 2006....
eviltwin: certainly true, but your next action can precipitate more harm, no? secretlife: well, i was speaking generally. and yeah, it's only human nature to want to see where all paths lead, i think. ed -
durianshortcake said on Aug 15, 2006....
Is it always our [i]own[/i] happiness that matters? As a parent myself, I always consider my child's happiness before mine. I have had my share of happiness in the past, and it's about time that I pay it forward to them. -
durianshortcake said on Aug 15, 2006....
I meant "...pay it forward to [i]her[/i]". -
bhalah said on Aug 15, 2006....
Abaut the childs I see many of them , are unics and diferents is my belive, the circunstanse will not be other, ho woul make your self, is haw you will manage the situation, Not familys well constructed make good chils, allways, eny way, we can be ,couse unic and diferents, will be. Abaut your relation make me crazy seen many cuples destroyed insade to make the autside as a film rouling to the socialyty. Is not a special think is hapen with u today is samething will still hapen to much more you can imagen, wy? because we are not at the right position to roul oursefs honestly and clear.We shoud paid our tax to be a cytyzen. -
Vavna said on Aug 15, 2006....
Eviltwin, I've been in your shoes before. On one hand it was a dwindling relationship that I really needed to save (or so I felt at the time). One the other was someone I loved deeply and could never be apart with. I chose to save the relationship (we didn't have kids, nor were we married) I thought we've invested so much of our time and energy into it. We've planned so much and I wanted so much more out of it. I wanted time to clarify like secretlife said. Time did clarify. I was milking a stone statue cow. And the person I loved was going away. But the relationship had to end and I fled away too. Sometimes you just have to trust your gut. Act in the moment but remember you have to live up to that. And in the end, it is you who would be left with yourself. -
Razulki said on Aug 17, 2006....
Keep in mind that harm to you counts as part of choosing the least harmful path from a situation. If staying with you wife, regardless of whether or not you are eventually with your soulmate, is going to be a soul sucking slow withering death then take the door and never look back. It sounds though, IMHO, that you need to take some time to determine for yourself what the situaiton is. IF for no other reason than simple courtesy you owe your wife the benefit of explaining to her all the details of the current situation regarding your marriage. (Whether or not you include your new friend in that explanation is up to you. I would but it's not necessarily mandatory.) You need to at least give her a chance and make her aware. Once you make whatever decision you need to make do not under any circumstances hesitate, look back, or second guess yourself. Simply satisfy yourself that you've given your best effort and exhausted any other means before going that route. Warning: Cyncism begins here. If you make the choice to leave be prepared for some rather severe emotional abuse. Silverwhisper will verify that I've recently come from a relationship with a much more extreme manic depressive and it can be a right spiteful thing. It is part of why I say do not hesitate once you make a decision because that opening will let in the narrow end of the wedge that we otherwise refer to as guilt and/or manipulation and exploitation of your emotions. Fore warned is fore armed. Best of luck to you. It is not an easy situation. -
the_infernal_optimist said on Aug 17, 2006....
I hurt for you and Alyss more than the limits of language allow. If I had anything more substantial to give than hope, you would have it. -
Jenna said on Aug 18, 2006....
I wish you peace on your journey to happiness.... You are in such a diificult place right now. God Bless. ( Hope that does not offend you)
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