In two lively and uneventful weeks other than my monthly 4 hours with my children. I will turn 41, I know to some people that isn't that old but, in my case some would call me lucky to be here.
At age 5 I almost drowned and went over the falls in the Baldwin River. Saved at the last minute by my Father who has spent the rest of my life acting like he regretted that day jumping in. He is ashamed of his Manic son who cannot take care of himself.
At age 26, at the urging of my first wife having lost about 60 pounds in less than three months I went to the Dr. She sent me for tests where they found polyps in my colon and they were almost A typical. They also found stones in my gall bladder and a need for a fundo-esophageal which I am probably spelling incorrectly.
Within two weeks I had 5 colonoscopies and two major surgeries. I was unable to eat solid food for about 6 months when I could finally get down mashed potatoes they did another major surgery on my nasal area and throat.
If I had not gone to the Doctor when I did I probably would not be here now. But, then again they keep telling me if I don't calm down I won't live past another year and that started when I was in my twenties. But, honestly I don't feel that lucky.
I live with my elderly retired parents because I am always broke, barely can care for myself when I am not being monitored and as of late I have a lazy eye that won't track that started when I was about 22 and has not gotten better. Now I see in two different directions and get head aches constantly.
I am so tired some days I wish I had gone to sleep one day and it was over but, I guess I am destined to torture others and suffer in order to fulfill some sick perverted life dream of someone else.
I love my kids but, how can I not think they would be better off without their crazy father in their lives? I can barely take care of myself let alone help them grow up to be good hard working people in their own lives which I am barely a part of.