So i managed to extracate myself up out of the chair in the waiting room and trudge off down to the consulting room.
I know that I was going to be seeing a different neuro today,as my normal one had the deceny to tell me that the hospital was rotating the patients.So i wasnt too sure who it was going to be and dreaded the prospect of having to go over 12 months of history again.
I was quite happy when I saw that it was Dr Bright - he looks like he is a Nigerian ,but has a strong french accent.The reason for my happiness is that he was the doc who diagnosed me with Tethered Cord Syndrome in the first place.So I knew that I would have to go through it all with him.He had told me that the whole department had known about my case,as it was a rare case in any hospital - to have a walking,talking patient with my condition.So i  started to tell him about the recent vertigo and headaches and all the rest - he came up with a theory that I may have a 'malfunctioning shunt' in my head
Well whoop-dee-fucking-doo i said to myself.Can this shit get any worse ?
He arranged for me to have a CT scan of the shunt done with contrast so that he could see what was going on.The contrast means that I have to be on an iodine drip,so that it lights me up 'like a christmas tree'
The purpose of a shunt,by the way,is as a result of me having hydracephalus with the spina bifida at birth.There was too much CSF in my head,so they cut a whole in my head and put in a VP shunt that acts as a pump that circulates the fluid out of my system
The shunt is out into one of the ventricles in my brain,and thats how it works.The fact that it is still there means that it is still sipposed to be working. any way
So off i go down to the radiology department.I went outside first for a cigarette,as I wasnt too sure how long i was going to have to wait.
The strange thing is,i was looking for my sparrow friend that I had made this morning,and lo and behold - he was still there..
Got down to radiology,and had to fill in the usual consent forms.as you can have an allergic reaction to iodine.Then I had to have a drip put into my arm.
Yuou would thing that the nursing staff actually know better.I normally have wuite a good lot of vein on both arms,and they are normally spoilt for choice.But it was cold on that day,and the aircon blasting in the clinic didnt help.
First of all she tried my right arm.Didnt bother using a tournequet - but a surgical glove to try and get the veins to stand out.Realisin that this wasnt working too well.She hurredly tried to stick the needle in my arm.
I don think i have felt that much pain in a long time.
She told me that the needle was in  - but it didnt feel like it - it felt much worse
I heard her mumber 'oh shit'  under her breathe.I asked her what was wrong,and she told me that the vein had collapse.I told her to take it out.Instead she chose to leave me sitting there with this thing in my arm,and says ' let me go and get the tournquet'................
I was starting to get pretty pissed off by this stage,but it was a governent hospital - so you cant say anything.She returns with the tournequet.I had expected her to take the needle out,and then try again with the tourn'
What does she do ?? Puts the tourni' around my arm - sees all the veins satnding up,adn proceeds to fish around inside may arm for the vein.
I was in agony - real agony.
Then she says - 'found it'
Well,its about fucking time.
Then,another nurse who would be doing the scan came out and said - 'wrong arm'
Now i had to go through this whole fucking thing all over again..............I was going to go home looking like I had been shooting myself up on drugs all day.
Had the scan done - it took longer to put the drip in that it did to do the scan -  and was on my way back to the clinic to see the doc - i decided to go outside for another cigarette,partly to calm my self down,and partly to get rid of that metal taste that the iodine leaves in your mouth.On top of that I knew that I was going to have a long wait when I got back to the clinic.
Having waited about 20 minutes in an now overly crowded waiting room,I get to see the doctor again.
My first words to him were ' i feel like a bit of a pin cushion'
He looks on the screen and looks to see if the my scan has come through on the system.
It has.
There is one thing that I have learned in all the months that I have been going to the hospital - when the doc looks at the screen and his facial expression changes - get nervous - get very nervous - cos its generally not good.
He sat for a good few minutes analysing the screen - it felt like an eternity.
Then in the best queen's english
'Ok this is what we have here.............'
He then proceeds to tell me that the shunt has 'migrated' - nice way of putting it.
What this means is that the shunt has moved out of position and  there is a good possibility that the CSF is now flowing outside of the shunt and not through the shunt.
The first thing that was going through my mind,when he said this,was the beatings that I used to get from my Dad when I was a kid.My mom always used to warn him and try and stop him - but a lot of the time he was too drunk to care.
At this stage the doc  wasnt sure what to do - i could tell by the look on his face - but he instead sent me to another department to have an ultra sound done on my brain - he said that the procedure was non invasive and wouldn't hurt.....................someone shooting an electromagnetic signal at YOUR brain - yeah right.
He showed me a view of my brain from the top.I know that the ventricles in anyone's brain are supposed to be symmetrical - mine were not
When I asked him why he said to me ' it looks like that part of your brain  'has collapsed' again another medical term.
This party just keeps getting better and better..................