She must have missed out on an important part of her upbringing, perhaps forgotten it, or just never learned in the first place. We have a mother at our school, a student of mine and two of her kids are students of Teacher C, and Teacher C often complains of that mother’s behaviour. Let’s call her Nami.
Nami prepares her children’s lunches for school, a normal thing. She gives her children cherries in there lunches because now it’s cherry season. She gives them whole cherries. The kids are two and three years old. The kids never learned to take out the pits themselves so they eat the cherries, pits and all. Teacher C noticed this and told the mother that she should cut the cherries next time. She meant cut them and take out the pits but Nami didn’t understand that and sent her kids the next time with cut cherries with the pits still inside for lunch. Apparently she doesn’t she the danger of her two-year old son choking on a cherry pit.
In the month that children have a birthday we have a party for the kids. They get some small pancakes and put jam and whipped cream on. All the kids sit together and make their cakes, usually with the help of the teachers and their parents if their parents can show up for the party. The Japanese custom is to say, “Itadakimasu” before beginning to eat. It is as ingrained in their culture as it is for us to say bless you even when a stranger sneezes, maybe more so. Once the jam was on the pancakes, Nami dug in with her fork and stopped herself just before putting the unfinished cake in her mouth and said to herself, “Can I eat now?” When the cakes were ready she and her husband devoured their cakes first before turning to assist their kids with theirs. All other parents help their kids eat first before eating their own cake. Did Nami think eating was like putting on airplane oxygen masks? You should put yours on first before assisting others?
Also, for kids’ birthdays our school gives them a children’s book in English, handmade card and a sketch of the child, expertly drawn by the manager’s daughter. Most mothers are very glad to get the sketch, an original gift, and they look at it with open mouths and comment on it. Nami glanced at the one’s for her kids and without a word stuffed it in her bag.
What really irked Teacher C yesterday was when the kids were arriving. The entrance is small and so parents and kids line up and parents see their kids off one by one. Without greeting the other parents or excusing herself she pushed past everyone and stuffed her kids in through the doorway where another child was already taking off his shoes. Then she left, again without a word to anyone. She even missed the customary “O-negaishimasu,” something that basically says, “Please accept my request (in this case looking after my kids)”. It seems proper manners and customs were not emphasized in her upbringing. Except for my classes. She always says, “Thank you very much,” when our class is over and greets me and says thank you when she is offered a drink.
Knowing this, I have been asked if I can’t incorporate manners into my lessons with Nami. But she shares the class with a very nice woman of proper manners whose child is in the same class as Nami’s kids. I said I don’t want to embarrass nami in front of the other student.
But on Saturday during the class we were talking about the bamboo branches that Japanese people put up for Tanabata, an observed event, not a holiday, for July 7th. They bamboo branch is hung with colourful paper strips on which are written the wishes and messages of the family members, particularly the children. The branches are stood in a receptacle or stuck in a small hole or metal loop on the gate as decoration. Nami said she got a branch from the kindergarten to take home. I asked where she put it and she said she dropped it on the floor. I asked the other student what was the traditional way to put the branches in the house, knowing full well what the right way was. Of course she said the branches are stood up. So I began joking about nami throwing the branch on the floor. I asked if she had a Christmas tree as well and if she just threw that on the floor. Both women were laughing as I continued to rib Nami. But I was making a point. When she said she had Christmas lights I asked if she put them on the floor too. It was really funny but finally Nami said, “I will put up the bamboo properly tomorrow.”
All this news came to me this past week. Surely there will be many more stories to come from Teacher C. Nami is lacking common sense. She needs guidance because her kids are emulating her way. She has three kids! Are we going to have three adults without proper manners or sense in the future? Teacher C is working hard to teach the kids the right way. It seems to be working. Last week her daughter told her, “Don’t kick toys, mommy.”
