4th. What am I doing tonight? It's a tradition. Without explosions or crowds or cold drink or hot dogs or the smell of charcoal or the summer heat or the friends - what is it?
It should be a revolution, a rally, a riot, anything but an excuse.
But mine is different this year. The meaning was left behind for the first time. Only because of robbing myself of familiarities. Then maybe the only meaning it ever held to me were the familiar things. Maybe it really means something completely different to every person.
Anyways, were am I going today?
Still don't know.
Help move, shower, change, pace around, clean.
Whats online whats on TV something distract me, please.
On the highway. Drowning them out with music, trying to enjoy the music.
This neighborhood doesn't look inviting.
Pink House too.
He found himself stepping into the door of someone's house he never met, at someone's party he doesn't know, for some production company he's never heard of, working on some film that doesn't exist yet. Their style was drastically different than his but personalities and alcohol soon flowed over the pre-judgements of meeting strangers.
What am I doing here?
No one here knows who I am and I can tell by the way they look at me.
It's ok though, I'm used to this. It happens all the time.
Why do people I spend time around only talk about the 4th of July in a non-chalaunt way?
I don't think there are too many civilized americans left that are enthusiastic enough about their country to really celebrate the meaning of their countries independance day, so they fill it with things they are more interested and excited about. Like explosions beer and food.
But no one at this party wants to hear me say that.
So I'll keep talking about my hometown and how good the banana bread is.
Leave. go to the store and come back unnoticed. Guy has a cat sweater on. Tell him it's cool. Decide on fireworks. need to bring some meaning to the day before its over.
On the highway. We drove all the way downtown, really down into it.
Too many buildings, not enough fireworks. Saw some in the distance behind some buildings.
They are on the phone. Trying to make a plan, but they can't.
Talking about nothing. Why are they talking about nothing of importance?
Arguing about pointless things, they both do.
I wish they would just shut up. I just want to enjoy the music. I just wanted to be happy.
The first word that came to mind was "unsatisfying".
Get inside, lay down and think about how empty you feel. Then remember the future to help fill it back up again. Everyone you love is far away. But they aren't gone. You are by yourself, but not really. Things are brighter than you allow them to be. You will get over it. Today was just a day.
And right when I feel like alienation has taken over, I get a phone call. It's my friends in Florida. They are tripping in a mansion in Orlando and wanted to tell me they love me and miss me.
I live a strange life.
That's how my brain worked today.
And right when I feel like alienation has taken over, I get a phone call. It's my friends in Florida. They are tripping in a mansion in Orlando and wanted to tell me they love me and miss me.
I live a strange life.
That's how my brain worked today.
