***The formatting of this entry is sometimes a little messed up.  You may or may not have to scroll to the right to read the emails.  Thanks.

I am almost 30.  when I was in middle school, I met a teacher who was transformational and helped me through a lot of shit.  I stayed close to him all through High School, and even after I graduated (10 years ago).  We've had our ups and downs, and as an adult, of course, I see him very differently than I did as a child.  Inf fact, by the time I was in my early 20's, I was completely in love with him (figures).  We had one minor sexual encounter, which fucked us both up.  We stopped talking for about a year, and then we gradually reconnected, which is where we are now.

   What I'm realizing (ahh, painful realizations) is that I have changed, and I'd guess he probably has too.  Because he is older, I'll bet that he has changed less, although it's hard to tell through my own lens, which of course has changed the way in which I see things.  I still have some love for him, as he played many roles in my life (parent/friend/teacher/confidante, etc.) 

  I think in a past blog I've also announced that I have self-esteem issues (and that's putting it mildly.)  So, for may years of knowing this man, I practically worshiped the ground he walked and, and ignored any type of hurt that I felt (such as broken promises to call, not remembering important things, not remembering my birthday which seemed so important as a kid, etc).

   On Wednesday, a TRANSFORMING EVENT occurred, I think.  I'll set this up by saying that this man sends me email forwards once in a while.  Many of them I don't necessarily agree with, but they're not particularly offensive or anything, so I just sort of let it go.  However, on Wednesday, I received a forward that I found particularly offensive.  Now, in my old life, I would have just let it go and thought to myself, "He doesn't know me at all, I'm I'm thinking that maybe I don't know him either. This sucks."  Instead of merely thinking that though, I actually sent a reply to him.  I was fucking scared to death!!!  However, one of the things that I've been beginnng to realize is that change doesn't come from trying to change the world.. Tat doesn't usually work.  Instead, I can only change myself.  It also means that I cannot be complacent.  If someone sends a forward that I think is dispicable, I have to alert the person to that, or they will believe that I have no problem with it.  Does that make sense?

So, without further delay, here is the forward that he sent me:

FW: Here's a Good Idea

I HAVE TO PASS A URINE TEST FOR MY JOB... SO I AGREE 100%.  Like a lot of folks in this state, I have a job. I work, they pay me. I pay my taxes and the government distributes my taxes as it sees fit. In order to get that paycheck though, I am required to pass a random urine test with which I have no problem. What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes to people who don't have to pass a urine test.
Shouldn't one have to pass a urine test to get a welfare check because I have to pass one to earn it for them?? Please understand, I have no problem with helping people get back on their feet. I do, on the other hand, have a problem with helping someone sitting on their ASS, doing drugs, while I work. Can you imagine how much money the state would save if people had to pass a urine test to get a  public assistance check??
Pass this along if you agree or simply delete if you don't. Hope you all will pass it along though... Something has to change in this country -- and soon!

Here is the reply that I sent to him:                                                                                       

RE: FW: A Good Idea

Dear *****,

    I am extremely offended by this email that you have forwarded to me, and am shocked that you agree with it in the first place, so much that you are willing to forward it to others as well.  This email does nothing but stereotype a group of people (the poor) that I am confident you know nothing about.  By agreeing with this email, you are blaming victims of society:  the impoverished, the uneducated, single mothers.  I am extremely confident that you know nothing about any of these people or why they are in these circumstances to begin with.  I am also quite sure that you know nothing of how the "welfare" system works (in this state or any other as well).  This email is a message filled with stereotypes and false morality.  The author (and you, for forwarding it) have no problem helping people get back on their feet... except that if you really wanted to help people "get back on their feet", you would not be prejudicial and judgemental, especially based on false assumptions that you haven't even bothered to try and understand.  As a former public school teacher and someone who proclaims to subscribe to holistic beliefs, I am disgusted that you would forward this email to anyone at all, never mind me.  It tells me that you understand NOTHING of holism.  Instead, you are blinded by convention and apparently a thoughtless conservativeness that you have freely accepted without question.  It's NOT okay to attack the weakest of society while you sit in your 5 bedroom house in ********* and complain about not having enough money.  Does criticising the weakest in society compensate for your own inadequacies in any way?  You should really think about that.  Being a disciple of holism, I am shocked that you don't recognize that the people with more power (like you in your house in *****) have the greater moral responsibility in society.
I will tell you this though...  You are lucky that you are so ashamed of knowing me that you sent this to me either as a blind copy or as a separate email from everyone else you forwarded this to; if you hadn't, I would have sent this reply to everyone.  I am so disappointed in you. There was good in you... What happened?  Perhaps you need to evaluate your goal of "prosperity", which is simply materialism and self-gratification in disguise.  By forwarding this email to me, it has become clear that not only do I NOT know you, but you DO NOT know me either.  I hope that somehow in the future, you can be empathic and mature enough to understand what kind of jerk would write this type of email and send it to people.

So, I finally recieved a reply to my email this morning, so here it is!!  He's chosen to take the "high ground", except that I don't buy it.  It seems to be an excuse, without addressing the original email to begin with.  It also seems that he is claiming ignorance, which seems ridiculous.  He is college educated and is familiar with researching ideas on the internet.  Anyhow, here it is:

RE: Your Lashing

Dear *****,

You forgot "Your mother is a whore" and "Go suck Rush Limbaugh's dick."

How was this email intended to help?
How did it help you to be offended by the forwarded one?
How was yours meant to help me?
How was it meant to increase love and peace?
How was it meant to decrease ignorance and malice?

I realize that your response was 100% your "stuff."  It took me a couple of readings to relax into that.  What I have learned from my holistic studies has been more of the "shine a light" type that helps change others' views instead of simply criticizing them on a personal level, which of course NEVER causes change. 

Because you are extremely confident that I know nothing about this subject, you should realize this could only be from ignorance.  Ignorance is not stupidity.  Ignorance is not hate.  Ignorance is an absence of knowledge, not an inability to acquire that same knowledge.  The next time you are presented with an opinion or view that is SO disgusting to you, I hope you are able to separate the person from the opinion, and offer a few simple points that would help to debunk their belief.  Beliefs CAN change and I choose to punch holes in an argument rather than the human who is ignorant. 

When you run into people who do not share your opinions and seem to carry all those "Obama is a Muslim set on destroying our country from the inside" type ideas, I hope you are able to step back and evaluate your own judgement of them.  That will greatly assist you in dealing with them one on one, and especially enabling you to reach the thoughts that will actually affect the change you desire in them. 

Ashamed of knowing you........     OK, where the hell did that come from??????????
I choose to fight junk email in my small way.  When I forward something, I remove all previous addresses and BCC to everyone so that the only address forwarded from there is mine.  Then I hope those folks do the same with mine. 

Here's the strangest part.  I actually forwarded that because when I read it, I was reading it from a perspective of how it could HELP those you believe you are defending.  I realize the impracticality of the procedure from a budget point of view, but will support any idea I believe will help, period.  Perhaps after you have digested this, you will find it in you to start again with a different response that can change my opinion.  I can be ignorant but I'm not stupid, and have learned that being open to change helps me grow. 

Thanks for the intentions that were buried under all that nastiness and hate in your response.

As always.... With Love and Respect,
*****




So there you have it.  Truthfully, I don't buy most of it.  I think he's taking the high road because he can't believe I would stand up to him.  Ahh fuck, I don't know if it even matters.  I still stand firm with my argument though, which it seems he didn't understand.  What do you guys think?