Some days, I wake up and wonder if I am living someone else's life. I've lost my sense of comfort in so many ways - there are very few familiar routines, and so many things I would have never dreamed or imagined.
It isn't nearly as dramatic as it sounds, but the divorce really shook my reality. For years, I have always related to myself within the context of being the Mrs. It was the primary aspect that colored the rest of my existence. That was a choice, and until things went south, I truly enjoyed this part of my life.
The transition has had its painful moments (an understatement), but by staying open to the possibilities, changes have arisen that I could have never anticipated. I no longer have the luxury of hiding in my husband's shadow - and in a way, it has forced me to discover who I really am, or at least who I might be if I dropped the old labels and just let life take me ...
I cannot believe I am really going to California in 10 days. T. arrives on Friday, and I will already be waiting. We are staying at the most beautiful B&B near the beach, and we will have all week to enjoy one another. I have no idea what will happen after that. He travels back and forth to India because of his work and I am firmly planted in New York. It doesn't seem to matter. I know in my heart that I want to be with him, and if 7 days is all we have, I am bound and determined to savor every minute.
Who knows? It may feel like someone else's life, but at this particular moment, I am very glad it's mine.
