I don't know how to say this... It feels weird confiding in the internet and thousands of people what I have never been able to tell my own family. But still, I have to say it somehow.
And I don't expect people to care. I have never expected anyone to care. I just expect for myself to say it, and if I can't bring myself to that, then I'm more of a wuss than I thought.
But here is the blatant truth. I am addicted to cutting. And I know that all of you will turn away right now if you even started reading, but it's the truth. I have to cut to even get through one simple day.
And it scares me. A whole lot. I need and want help, but I don't know where to turn. To my parents? My brother? My sister? My friends? No, none of them will understand. The only place I can find a bit of solitude is in music, and even then, I feel worse than before. It seems like everyone's judging me constantly. Hell, if you're reading this, you're probably judging me right now.
And I know that I don't have real problems. I'm not claiming to come from a hard life. I'm not pretentious. But that doesn't mean that my pain isn't any less real than anyone else's. I just don't know where to go. All the doors are closed to me.
Does anyone have an idea on how to open a couple?
LiesAreTheBestPoison posted on Jul 03, 2008
| views: 101
Comments
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hinana said on Jul 03, 2008....
there are always doors open to you..if you cant open up to family or friends can you see a counselor or therapist?maybe find some sites that deal with this?but reeally, as hard as it is, tell someone close to you..they might not understand you but they can help you find help.. -
secretlife said on Jul 03, 2008....
there are a number of people on this site that are cutters or ex-cutters.you are not alone by a longshot.i think you cannot solve this by yourself, and you need to reach out to a therapist or counselor that you can confide it. i assure you that these professionals deal with this all the time, and won't judge you at all. the important thing is that you reach out for help. -
Tapioca said on Jul 16, 2008....
Hey actually I have the same exact problems with you. I cut starting in 7th grade then 11th grade It became even worst. I wanted to commit suicide in 10th grade because i didnt feel good enough and cutting made me feel good because of the pain and seeing blood running down my rist. and I also start cutting my thighs in 9th grade because i hated for who i am. But Seriously there is help. I will prefer you to go to your friends. One time at a golf tournament my best friend said " WHat is that?" i am like " Oh i fell and i was trying to climb the fence over... Blah blah blah" and SHe definetly did not believe, But my friends made an intervention for me on the weekened saying how much they love me and they care about me. And how i helped others. It made me feel great it And my boyfriend helped me alot. But MOST my brother helped me ALOT. I thought i was invisible to everyone and my dad was an abusive dad. Teased at skool And family that would judge me for having unperfect thighs. It hurt. but I stopped cutting and instead I write poems or journals to express my feelings and it really helps. I was a severe cutter and now i havent cut for so far 5 months. THERE are HOPES talk to someone you are comfortable with. you can tell your parents.
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