alot has happened in the past few days, but saturday night was the worst. somebody threatened to kill me and it just so happened that someone i knew passed away at about the same time...

i'm new to this site and i created this account so that i could freely write without people i know taking things out of context. thus, i can speak freely about what happened without worrying about people twisting my words...

on saturday, my boyfriend got the page telling of a motorcycle accident down town. it took a long time for them to clean up that accident. it usually doesn't take that long to clean up an accident unless there are fatalities. i know quite a few bikers and was hoping that it wasn't someone i knew...

as the night progressed, things just continued to get worse... someone in the neighborhood had some kind of major malfunction with me and wouldn't even tell me what i had done wrong... i was on the phone with a friend and the person who had the issue with me took the phone out of my friends hand and started going off on me... i still don't understand why... the person was very intensely descriptive when she explained the various twisted ways in which she planned on killing me... i've never heard so many filthy things come out of one persons mouth in such a short period of time... she said she was going to kill me and everyone i love... at this point, while i was still listening to her rant, my boyfriend called the police...

we waited for about 2 hours before the police finally addressed the issue... they were all busy attending to the accident down town... but all of this turned into a very strange twist in fate... after we got done talking to the police and i got done pressing charges, we got a phone call that we were hoping we wouldn't get...

he was going to fast on that motorcycle and he wasn't a biker who believed in wearing a helmet (i am also a person who prefers not to wear a helmet when riding... i think i'll wear one from now on)... pieces of his motorcycle were scattered over about a quarter mile of the road that goes through town... unfortunately, it was a crash that i don't think anyone would have survived through... i've laid over a motorcycle before, but i always obeyed the speed limit and was very careful... the worst i got was road rash.. he wasn't so lucky...

i'm still very numb about the whole thing... at times like this, i supress all of my feelings so that i can be logical when it comes to taking care of things... if you let your emotions get in the way, you can't properly do what you have to do in order to deal with crisis...

you see, i am the kind of person who has this need to take care of everyone else... the neighborhood kids come to me with their problems and i give them the best advice that i can and occasionally i end up bandaging various wounds... i function very well when faced with an emergency but later on it all hits me over the head like a ton of bricks... that's what's happening right now... the mental novacaine is wearing off and the feelings are flooding in... sometimes there are too many emotions to deal with at one time... it can be very confusing...

anyway, now i'm stuck (as keith urban would say) sweeping out the ruins that my emotions left.... anger, sadness, confusion, anxiety... i wish there was a miracle pill to make it all go away... but there isn't... like my nana used to say, "wish in one hand and shit in the other and see which one fills faster"... she gave really good advice... things that i didn't quite understand when i was young really ring true now...

now i will go outside, smoke a cigarette and try to make sense of what i'm feeling...

peace out