I should have known better. I should have resisted the urge to go back to something familiar. So in a way I asked for this.
I'm so fucking unhappy with Bill. I cannot tell you how angry and frustrated I am right now, but it's up there will some of the worst times of my life.
I don't think I can make it work. He's a control freak who promised to change. Of course I should have known better, but I'm stupid enough to think I would be worth changing for. He monitors my bank account, he uses access to the internet at home as a way to get his way, he throws a fight if there's not dinner on the table and his clothes aren't washed, but never pitches in. He blames me if money is tight even though he spends extravagantly on things I would not think to. He does his best to isolate me from any and all friends.
I might even be able to deal with that load of crap, but now, since he's discovered that we don't qualify for IVF financing he has become petty and mean. Of course he blames me for his not being able to have children. Names like old, fat, ugly, stupid and others that make my eyes fill with tears are thrown at me. I have kept my end of our agreement that we made when we decided a year ago to look into IVF and purchasing a home further down the road.
So, here I am, almost exactly a year later in pretty much the same situation. Of course I'm still paying off the fertility doctors, the wedding photograpers and the loan I took out to move out of our apartment last year. So technically I'm worse off.
I think I want to go live in a box somewhere and leave everything and everyone behind.
