Dear PT

I have no way of knowing if you will read this before you leave for the airport (to pick up Steven’s Father); I just want you to know that I know what a difficult position you are in.

Having been the closest to Steven and grieving the loss of your best friend must be so very difficult for you. I wish not to further complicate your journey.

It's enough for me to know that there was someone in his life that loved him so much and that he loved as well.

God Bless you, PT.

I'm asking that you not, in any way, push the issue of my being involved.
{Steven’s Father didn’t want her to attend the arrangements and viewing of the body. I insisted.}

Friday is my 55th birthday. I will be surrounded by real, caring friends/family/clients that love me just the way I am.

It will be a healing time for me, and a gift from above. I will, no doubt, grieve forever the circumstances that stood in the way of Steven having a .......
{The unwritten word here is “Mother”. The reason: Steven inherited his bipolar disorder from her. When he was quite young, she realized quite nobly (in my humble opinion), that she could no longer care for her children properly and walked away to prevent causing more harm than good.}

I'm a Bailey and I just heard a bell. Like in "It's a Wonderful Life" an angel just got his wings. I believe that.

'Til later PT

Steven's Mom

After I spoke to you today, I called his number, knowing he wouldn't answer, and just talked to him telling him about his babies (our kittens), Baby Girl, Siddha and Lukas. I miss hearing his voice and his laughter, I miss his incredible smile, I miss his beautiful eyes, and his beautiful soul.

I need to get a new refrigerator message board. I often make my "To Do List" on it, and the last time he was here, I had a reminder on there to pull $50 in cash for him. The entry read:

 "$50 for Steven"

He teased me by first putting a "7" in front of the 5, walked in and said "PT, I know you love me and want to help, but I can't let you stretch yourself so thin." He teasingly grins and shows the me altered entry...

 "$750 for Steven"

I can't bear to wipe it clean. It was his lovely sense of humor and I miss it.

I'm supposed to try and go back to a job that I really don't like on Monday, and for the life of me, I'm having a heck of a time just getting myself moving each day.

As promised, I did start working on cleaning my apartment. I didn't finish, but I made good headway. It helped. I figure, slow and steady wins the race, and if I can finish tomorrow, I'm doing well, and he'd be happy. He liked things tidy.

I never thought I'd miss someone so much.

Thank you for bringing such a beautiful soul into the world.

When I can face it, I'll start sending the photos of him. It may take me a few days to muster the strength. I too believe he got his wings. :) We'll get through this.

Love PT

Happy belated BIRTHDAY. I just looked at my calendar this morning and noticed your name on the 16th. My life is full of drama which, after all is said and done, I can't escape since I've tried all I can to make things right. It will make an interesting letter when I sit down to write it.

My home computer is at my closest friends house because the management at my place is being so unreasonable (on the rag, overdue for retirement).

I may move out with notice and just leave most of my things. Disgusting behavior on their part.

Fodder only. Not the really bad news. There's so much more.

Love you, PT. Miss our talks. My cell is on ER service only for now.

Love Steven’s Mom!

Thank you so much for the Birthday Wishes. I'm sorry to hear of your complications, but stay strong and I'll pray for you. I too have been experiencing some minor annoyances and at this stage, but nothing worth reporting.

Let me know what happens. If you wish, shoot me an email and I can call you sometime on a landline you feel comfortable using. We can schedule the call so that you don't have to jeopardize your cell phone minutes. Just let me know.

Love, PT

High Angel

I do believe if we are in a room together for the first time we will read each other's thoughts.

Steven’s Mom