..."The sad thing is that when i was younger i used to have this kind of
insights so often.....every little things seemed to hurt me, make me
stop and reflect, the injustices or the wrong doing made me sincerely
feel the pain of the anger. Now, i am afraid to say that the river
flows over my head and most of the time i keep my head underneath the
water, hold my breath and i don't even react anymore...i don't want to
do it.....i don't want to...but i am starting to do it more and
more...i don't like it...it's easy to blame the endless and stupid
duties of everyday life, the worries about the future, the surviving
mechanism that makes you protecting your ego from too many attacks but
the reality is simply crude; i don't care as i used to.
My horizon seems shrinking, my heart seems getting smaller and smaller
each day. Is this what it mens growin up, became adult or even worst
starting to age?
I was reading last night a beutiful, small book of Clarice Lispector, a
wondeful jewish writer from Ukraine, born in 1925. The book is " The
passion of the body" and is a collection of short stories. In one of
these, the character at one point sayss........"Living has this
peculiarity: sometimes we simply end up completely empty. At least for
this moment. Until we live. The problem is resisting: because sometimes
it's just like this. There is nothing else to do and so we go and make
a pee: Sometimes you just feel as you are dying.".
Yet, i know my old flame is still there...i have passions and interests
and political ideas and in the circle of friends i happen to have here
in America and in my country i am the passionate one, the
always-looking-for-the-other-meaning-of-everything one....
Can you see yourself in the mirror right now and see the same fire that
was burning when you were 20? Is your rebel one still inside you?"......
This writing has been my third post here at Sc.....(geez, so many months ago).
Comments received: only 2 (Ed's nice answer got repeated twice..lol..).
I was thinking about this very same topic just yesterday....
I was thinking that we might not be anymore the rebels we were in our past but (maybe) we still pick some choices or behaviors that make us feel (again) like that rebellious one.
It doesn't even have to be anything big....i am not even talking about manifesting for the streets with huge signs above our heads...
For somebody who can't eat green peppers, for example, a rebellious act could be actually eating some of them just to rebel against a strict diet, just to say "Screw you, stomach ache. You are not the boss of me". He knows that most likely is going to pay the consequences of that act but still.......he eats the green peppers.
Or it could be for someone else keeping the habit of smoking....or what not. "Screw you, health. You are not the boss of me"
For me it could be the fact that i know i should be more respectful of hierarchies
at work and yet i can't help it in being a sassy smartie pants with some of my bosses.....A little voice inside myself tells them "Screw you. You are not the boss of me".....
So now tell me....what choice or behavior you know you should avoid but still you keep having just because it makes you feel (even though for a brief moment) that young, rebellious one you were used to be?
gingersoul posted on Jun 29, 2008
| views: 252
Comments
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gingersoul said on Jun 29, 2008....
Well.......what better song that this one....lol....
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destinydiva said on Jun 29, 2008....
smoking weed, having that one more drink i know i shouldnt have....leaving my cousrework/assignments/studying till the very last minute... eating the kfc I really shouldnt be eating cus i am on a diet.....taking one more peek in at soulcast..even tho I should be working/cooking ect... playing on the swing when all the other mums are sat together gossipping and shaking their heads at me.... not answering the phone .....
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gingersoul said on Jun 29, 2008....
Des......lol.......most of all i love the fact you are on the swing while the other mom gossip around ...i used to do the same....:-)
It makes me feel very rebellious leaving behind me the pack of the cars ALL going to 40mph while the limits are set at 45.......so i go 50....lol...
"Screw you. You are not the boss of me"...
If you have read Skald post about her meeting with Polarheart and Quietone...well......that car has a plate with my name for a reason...lol....
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beyondtheveil said on Jun 29, 2008....
ginsoul- I don't and never have had the pure passion for life you and a few others do around here. Actually, and this is true, I don't want passion to be the boss of me either. My rebellion is to leisurely go my own way, eat my own fried food, smoke whatever is handy, drink my favorites, and piss in the desert wherever I'm standing.
I've always lived my life like this and if it kills me (as it probably will) so be it.
It was me, not me wanting to be something or somebody else - not me wanting to squeeze out that last day of living at the expense of my likes and loves.
Screw all that - its just me - maybe its not rebelling, just staying my path.
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gingersoul said on Jun 29, 2008....
BeyBey......its interesting what you write.....that the absence of passion is the ultimate rebellion for you.......while i consider the passion itself the ultimate rebellion to a life without it.
Passion has always had this dominion on me....for as much as I try to choose what it might look the best for me....most of the time....i don't....
Am i rebelling to something?
Am i surrendering to something?
The line could be very thin...
But in the end aren't the most rebellious the ones who pursue and surrender to their own passions? Because they couldn't do differently?
So in reality...if we cant do differently where is the rebellion?
Luckily.......its just you...:-) -
MissMimi said on Jun 29, 2008....
The one I thought of immediately was, screw you diabetes, you are not the boss of me! Even though I know that I am only hurting myself if I don't watch what I eat and don't take my medication.
Big rebellion, eh?
It's maybe not a good thing to admit, but sometimes, I say those very words to mrMimi (under my breath, of course, because I'm a good girl ;) ), You're my husband, not my boss!
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botoni said on Jun 29, 2008....
In a strange sense I'm one of those people who tends to play by the rules. That is when it seems to be important. What I mean is I dont leap the traces when I see their value but..........I'm also the rebel when I think the rule is absurd. Men over 30 shouldnt wear cargo pants?....bah! I like 'em, I wear 'em. Riding through the hotel lobby on the luggage cart is undignified?.....bah! Let's race them together. -
MissMimi said on Jun 29, 2008....
You're on, bottybaybee... My wheels against yours! Bring it on, dude! ;) -
queenparanoia said on Jun 29, 2008....
ilike this post ginger... isnt funny that i felt like this last night? and i'm still young mind you... but if you read my last post it feels like this for me...
yeah i dont wanna grow up... i dont want to tak responsibility... i wanna rebel... why??? because i never did have the chance to... the mostrebellious thing i ever done was quittig school... that's it... i was trusted into a responsibility i dont like growing up being the oldest girl and all... (and because my older brother was the rebel one) i become the responsible one...
and that's what i'm craving for today... to be rebellious... to dont give a fuck about everything... it's hard... but i'm slowly doing it... =)
sorry long comment... =)
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vacantmind said on Jun 29, 2008....
My rebellion is my photography. I love nude art and as a child was told it was perverted. So, now I take nudes of people and myself. I like to see the world simple and real without all the cover ups that people put on to shield themselves. But, in a way it is simply to say "Your not the boss of me!"
There are many things that I rebel against but, that is probably the biggest one.
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destinydiva said on Jun 30, 2008....
ginger, I saw the post and the number plate! I am terrible for speeding...was terrible!! I got a speeding fine a few weeks ago £60 and 3 points on my driving licence.... so now I shout screw you charging me oh bossy one...I will not get another speeding ticket!!! lol :-) xx -
scipio said on Jun 30, 2008....
Being passionate and rebellious - you will only end up hurting yourself.If you are passionate about something pursue it and fulfill your desires -but being rebellious for a worthy cause is worth a support - but for any other purpose - just to prove a stupid point or seek publicity it just leads to ruin. In most cases - of yourself. -
scipio said on Jun 30, 2008....
Being passionate and rebellious - you will only end up hurting yourself.If you are passionate about something pursue it and fulfill your desires -but being rebellious for a worthy cause is worth a support - but for any other purpose - just to prove a stupid point or seek publicity it just leads to ruin. In most cases - of yourself. -
scipio said on Jun 30, 2008....
Being passionate and rebellious - you will only end up hurting yourself.If you are passionate about something pursue it and fulfill your desires -but being rebellious for a worthy cause is worth a support - but for any other purpose - just to prove a stupid point or seek publicity it just leads to ruin. In most cases - of yourself. -
scipio said on Jun 30, 2008....
sorry for the multiple comment. Seems some glitch in the comp or SC. -
silverwhisper said on Jun 30, 2008....
jeez, GS, i remember that blog entry and if you hadn't made it pop back up on my conversations, i don't think i would have remembered what i wound up saying.
growing up, i was usually less inclined to be rebellious, less comfortable with who i am to say i believed differently. so in a way, i'm better able now to articulate those times. yet at the same time, constant exposure to the same outrages has produced progressively less of a response in me these days.
there are really two exceptions for me these days, at least as far as my posting goes: i'm still angered & outraged at: the issues in e-voting devices, the corporate/government lovefest b/n the manufacturers of these lawsuits-waiting-to-happen and irresponsible governance. and when i'm really on SC instead of flitting in now & again as i am now, i'm a vigorous defender of gay rights.
ed -
beyondtheveil said on Jun 30, 2008....
ginsoul- I wrote a long comment about this and erased it because after writing it I couldn't decide if it was actually surrendering to passions which my rebellion tells me I should not do in order to be rebellious.
I need to think about this.
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soaringraven said on Jun 30, 2008....
I simply cannot think of anything I do deliberately to make a statement to myself or to others that I am rebelling. Perhaps it has just been too long since I last truly rebelled.
I do suppose that my enjoyment of the pipe from time to time might qualify in that regard however. I simply won't give it up altogether.
soaring
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phie said on Jun 30, 2008....
i havent turned twenty yet and i dont think ive ever really rebelled?maybe becasue i already know that it will only come back and hit me in the face, or maybe to protect myself- but you are totally right it doesnt really feel like living anymore~ if you take a chance, rebel against what you know is right even if it goes wrong at least you will feel something.i may just go tell my parents they aren't the boss of me- just because i can! -
wombat said on Jun 30, 2008....
What a unique and thoughtful post.....I have been sitting here contemplating.....
Mainly, I am still trying to live as I did when I was 20---with possibilities of change always there. I sure have had plenty of them over the years! 360 degree changes!
I confess to still drinking a few beers when I feel like it, and not when I don't. I should quit smoking (regular cigs) but I haven't. I don't do the other, except on rare, rare occasions....and then it really messes me up! So I avoid that.
But sometimes I "wake up and realize my age" and go, wow! I am sure still living like I was 20 at mid 50's! And, I ask you, "what the heck is wrong with that?"
I love it! Not ready to be 80 just yet! And who knows where I will be when I am?
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BreatheUnderwater said on Jul 01, 2008....
have been thinking a lot about this post..made me think about myself then and now..when i was 20 'you are not the boss of me' was my most used line maybe, continuously waving around my middlefinger,just me against the world..i was maybe what they call an 'enfant terrible' lol...now i'm just a bit older and more often whisper in my mind 'I AM the BOSS of ME'..i still stand for the same things, am even more outspoken..but much more 'soundly based'..getting (intellectually) independent from those who deserved my middlefinger ..is maybe more rebellious than kicking and screaming but still doing what i don't want to do. So maybe i consider doing whatever think is right now (or getting there) to be a bigger middlefinger than one i could ever give 'm...SOOOOOOO...i feel like i'm still the same rebel, i just don't get myself in trouble with it anymore...
um..btw...driving too fast made me today get my 11th speeding ticket in 3 months...i like to contradict myself...
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WalterMitty said on Jul 01, 2008....
What a thought-provoking post.
Marlon Brando in The Wild One comes to mind.
Girl at party: "what are you rebelling against Johnny?"
Johnny (Brando): (smiling) "Whatdya' Got?"
As I approach my forties (one year left...sigh) I think about this all the time.
What is rebellion? In your teens and twenties, it's breaking away from your parents and finding out who you are. Many times you have to break away from what your, or societies norms are-rebellion.
So, when our lives and patterns are more settled (let's not forget that everyday life has a large degree of unpredictability) when we think of doing something different-is it rebellion?
I'm almost five years into a profession I love, teaching,-and I am constantly doing things different than my peers. One of my Vice Principals has a saying "No one who knows you will be suprised by this." It is used as a compliment and a cry of exasperated frustrated. Some of my peers say I'm a rebel, while I simply tell them I'm trying something new. Rebellion can be in the eye of the beholder.
As a firm believer in constant risk-taking (once a day, small things count-new foods, taking a different route home, watching a film you don't think you'd like)
Are we talking about rebellion or doing something against the 'norm' of our current place in life?
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hotaka said on Jul 03, 2008....
My rebelious stage was unremarkable. My friend and I went to the supermarket sometimes and found raisins and small foods on the floor which we then threw over the shelves to hit people in the other aisle. Or we put things in people's shopping carts when they weren't looking.
But I know what you mean here. I think I am not so rebelious though I do crave adventure and have a lustful curiosity that I often give in to. Perhaps my big rebelious move is to buy something like a CD when i should be saving money until next pay day or I stay up late to type or do something at home when I should be going to bed early for a long day ahead. I figure I'll find a way to deal with running out of money (I always have a small secret stash anyway) or lack of sleep (it's only for one day) later on. For the moment I want to give in to my desires and enjoy life.
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