News.

Friday May 30, 2008 — Issue # 8

No charter, no Christmas

THERE will be no Christmas this year if politicians do not support the proposed People’s Charter, says the interim Prime Minister.   

And he warned that Christmas was just the start and that if some people continued to oppose the charter he will issue a decree making Diwali, World Teacher’s Day and even Mother’s Day illegal.

Commodore Voreqe Bainimarama made it clear that the military would ensure the political party that wins the next general election, scheduled for next year, followed the charter, which contained clear guidelines on personal hygiene and basic sanitation.

He said the army had undertaken the clean-up campaign in 2006 against Lasenia Qarase’s government because members of that government, including Qarase himself, were not practicing proper body hygiene and basic sanitation.

“During the clean-up campaign, the army had personally cleaned the homes and offices of members of Qarase’s government. We vacuumed carpets, cleaned toilets and even removed graffiti from the walls of Parliament, written mainly by Qoroniasi Bale and Mere Samisoni. On a personal level we removed lice from, and then shampooed and conditioned hair of Qarase’s team; we shaved armpits, and removed every ear and nasal hair. I personally trimmed Qarase’s moustache, which had been long, unkempt and breeding a great variety of wildlife.”

Bainimarama added that the army had stepped in to end the ‘culture of filth’ in Fiji and that this could be achieved through the charter. He said individuals who wanted to contest the next election had to display great personal hygiene and have a clean bill of health.

“The charter contains clear guidelines on personal hygiene and basic sanitation. It contains a list of all the soaps, shampoos and deodorants that those wishing to be part of any government must use. It also contains a list of all the detergents (mainly De Power – oi lei na De Power!) they must use when cleaning up their homes and offices. The next time we will not allow unclean individuals to be part of government – we will check armpits, in between toes, inside belly buttons, and every other orifice that could be harboring germs,” said Bainimarama.

Bainimarama said that the army was committed to making Fiji a clean place for all and that if making it clean meant depriving the citizens of Christmas, Mothers Day and other holidays that they so loved, then there was no other way.

But Bainimarama’s declaration hasn’t gone down well with members of the SDL and NFP parties. In a joint statement party leaders Laisenia Qarase and Pramod Rai said:

“Being dirty is a God-given right and we intend to exercise that right as soon as we come to power next year.”AndAnnd in other news …

And in other news ...

PSC Chairman, Rishi Ram, to join Fiji women’s basketball team